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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Husband says he doesn't love me anymore

509 replies

MissPennySweet · 10/05/2014 09:22

Three weeks ago my husband turned round out of nowhere and told me he didn't love me in a romantic way anymore (in the middle of an argument). This quite frankly knocked me for shit and ashamedly I asked him to stay and promised we could work on things (with a lot of tears). He agreed to stay and despite going back to relatively normal I can't shake the feeling that he's only with me out of pity. He's since said he does love me but he's stressed with work, but now I feel like an utter fool for staying with someone who doesn't feel the same about me.

Should I leave or do you think it was a momentary blip and he really does love me - he is usually an extremely loving and attentive man and I've never had any doubts before! We don't have DC.

OP posts:
gregsageek · 11/05/2014 02:10

Good girl. Let him sweat. Have you got the TV on?

RachaelAgnes · 11/05/2014 02:10

Good. You take this at your pace, not his......you can do this!
And quite honestly, what is there to talk about?

gregsageek · 11/05/2014 02:12

Sorry, appear to be bizarrely obsessed with the TV! Just want to know you have something mindless in the background.

nespressofan · 11/05/2014 02:15

Take a few days no contact. Let your mum stay and look after you. You're not in a place maybe to take any shit excuses or his 'story'. Take your time. Your own time. xx

BillyBanter · 11/05/2014 02:41

Sorry this is happening to you. If you are awake you may as well pack his bags for him. If he comes back it will save having to sit there while he does it.

FlatCapAndAWhippet · 11/05/2014 02:54

Ah Penny, you poor girl. What a horrid man :(
You will be fine though, I promise you. It'll take time but you'll be happy again. X

HerRoyalNotness · 11/05/2014 03:12

Do not dwell on the future at all. Think about getting through today, then tomorrow think about getting through that day and so on.

Keep yourself busy. Clean your house top to bottom if it takes your mind off it. Do the garden, wash windows, anything to keep you going through each day. It will get better, the first couple of months are hard.

Laugh when you can, enjoy small things, sit in the sun, read a funny book.

LiberalLibertine · 11/05/2014 03:18

Oh penny I've just caught up on your thread.

What an utter dick he's being.

I hope your getting some rest, your mum will be with you soon.

The women on here have been there, and come out the other side, you have a wonderful life ahead of you.

He's made a HUGE mistake, tough shit.

Take care lovely Flowers

ThePost · 11/05/2014 03:21

I bet he does want to talk now his sordid little secret is out and he's been exposed as a liar and cheat. I'm guessing that this was not part of the plan. Stay strong, OP. If you can't sleep, try listening to music.

AuntieVenom · 11/05/2014 04:01

Hi Penny

I'm on the other side of the world so it's mid afternoon here if you want to talk.

magpiegin · 11/05/2014 05:06

I hope you've had some rest, and don't forget that however bad things feel now they can only get better from here.

PamHalpert · 11/05/2014 06:59

What an absolute cunt he is. I'm so sorry :(

Hope you managed to get some sleep. Hugs xx

Original poster
MissPennySweet · 11/05/2014 07:04

Thanks everyone, I managed a few hours but I'm wide awake again now :(

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 11/05/2014 07:04

Penny have you actually let on yet that you know? Or was the text re talk tmrw the one he sent yesterday afternoon?

Hope you have managed some sleep of sorts. You have nothing to feel embarrassed about. His lack of respect is totally gross....

Only1scoop · 11/05/2014 07:05

X posted with you Penny

Original poster
MissPennySweet · 11/05/2014 07:07

Yes he knows I know now. Locks are changed and he didn't stay here last night.

OP posts:
BlondePieceOffFluff · 11/05/2014 07:07

Hope you are managing to get some rest. So sorry this has happened to you. Do not feel ashamed, you have done nothing wrong. He has, you have found out and now you are taking actions to look after yourself, well done. In fact you have every reason to feel proud of yourself, changing the locks, very good.
And it will get better much sooner than you think. A lucky escape, you are so young, no kids with this cheat and you have so much wonderfull ahead of you.
One day at the time, try to eat well and look after youself, fresh air, whatever makes you feel good, allow some time for grieving when you feel you need to, but hold your head high and be proud that you did not let this man treat you like shit.

Only1scoop · 11/05/2014 07:19

He will know you mean business if he tries to get in.

Are you fearful of his reaction? If so just bag up his essentials which can be left outside if need be.

Alchemist · 11/05/2014 07:25

Penny, I am so sorry to see you are going through such an awful time.

Will think of you today and wishing you some calm and peace Thanks.

deerkitty · 11/05/2014 07:47

Penny, this happened to me four years ago. He always denied there was another woman but I soon found out zip have four dc's.

It took me a very, very long time to get over it. But you know what? I'm in charge of my life now. I had also given up my career. I now have a well paid, good career.

Yes it's a struggle. Some days I bloody struggle, but you know what. Fuck it and him. I'm better than that.

I took my rose tinted glasses off only about two years ago and saw for myself that he was tightfisted, selfish and really quite fucking cruel. She's now his problem.

I am here if you want to talk x

DragonMamma · 11/05/2014 07:47

Just caught up with this thread.

I'm so sorry he's turned out to be a cheating arse Penny. You're only a couple of years younger than me and you WILL be ok, you WILL find somebody else in the future.

Please done be ashamed of his actions, you have done nothing wrong in all of this.

Take it easy until your mum arrives.

Minime85 · 11/05/2014 08:05

wondered how u were this morning. glad u slept a little and got locks changed. more sleep will come.

you are being so strong. glad your mum is coming. let her support u.

NoIamAngelaHernandez · 11/05/2014 08:19

What a shit.
Well done for getting the locks changed.

One minute, one hour at a time. You have had a lucky escape.

50shadesofknackered · 11/05/2014 08:21

Op, he is a total twat! A 30 year old married man shagging an 18 year old kid, my God how pathetic and cliched can u get? You don't need him or his shit! Tell him to stick his talk up his arse and make sure all 'talking' is done by ur solicitor! Try to hold onto the anger so u can get done what u need to do with solicitor and house etc. Remember that he expects u to beg him to stay, he thinks you are weak, show him he's wrong. Be strong and you will get the satisfaction of seeing his world implode around him, especially when his 18 year old gets tired of him and moves on (as 18 year olds tend to do)while yours begins to get better. You are worth more and Don't deserve this, u know this, we know this, now show him!

MrWalletwithMothsonboard · 11/05/2014 08:53

You were the first thing on my mind when I some Penny. Just keep what he said in the emails in your mind if he tries to manipulate you. All about his dick and what dick wants. That is his bottom line. You will rise up from this. You sound a wonderful and beautiful woman Penny.xx