Husband says he doesn't love me anymore

[MissPennySweet]

Three weeks ago my husband turned round out of nowhere and told me he didn't love me in a romantic way anymore (in the middle of an argument). This quite frankly knocked me for shit and ashamedly I asked him to stay and promised we could work on things (with a lot of tears). He agreed to stay and despite going back to relatively normal I can't shake the feeling that he's only with me out of pity. He's since said he does love me but he's stressed with work, but now I feel like an utter fool for staying with someone who doesn't feel the same about me.

Should I leave or do you think it was a momentary blip and he really does love me - he is usually an extremely loving and attentive man and I've never had any doubts before! We don't have DC.

Thank you all do much your kindness is honestly overwhelming

I am so scared that I won't cope alone and that I will never find somebody else and I will never have kids and I will be miserable. I got so much enjoyment from the love he gave me and I'm scared to live without that.

I always swear by milk drinks to help calm you

Many happy, strong people here have been through things a bit like this. We were down the hole too. And we know the way out.

Maybe if I stop putting so much pressure on myself to sleep I will feel better

You will find happiness eventually. Don't dwell on that because it will happen. Feel lucky that you have sussed this scumbag before you had any children and that life will get better. A decent man will give you PROPER love and respect.

If I accept I can't sleep and keep busy maybe I will eventually doze off

The later I stay up the longer I will sleep tomorrow I guess

You will cope. You already got locks changed the night you found out. You had the response to discovering the emails that anyone with healthy self-esteem has which is fuck this for a game of cricket. You are a coper. You will cope.

You will find someone else and have kids if that's what you want. You are 27. Trust me. I'm 33 and I'm going to find someone and have kids. YOu have LOADS of time. In my opinion, this relationship was doomed. You are now FREE to find someone great and lovely and have kids with them at a more mature age. Imagine having a kid with the arsehole and then finding out about all this. Eesh.

Now you can go back to your career if you want. It was so unhealthy to orbit him like a satellite. He didn't deserve your love. The next one will and it could be AMAZING .

You got enjoyment from being loved by a lying, cheating narcissist who you gave up a life for. Imagine how much you're going to enjoy being loved PROPERLY by someone decent who wants what's best for you alongside him as a team and partnership. You'll get there.

I wouldn't worry too much about sleep - you can go a night without it. Seriously, do whatever you need. And again, you are young, it doesn't feel like it now, but you will meet someone else and go on to have children, and this will just be a blip in your life. I know it sounds awful to say that, but it will. I married at 33 and had first child at 36 and, frankly, that wasn't particularly old!

Totally agree with Vander

I guess you just hear so many horror stories on MN of men being horribly abusive fuckwits that I thought I had one of the good ones. Obviously I was wrong!

It's just going to be horrible and scary opening up to someone all over again.

When you wake up you'll have a moment when your remember and you might feel ill. Have some food in the house and try to eat something. Come back here if you need it. Accept it hurts but that doesn't mean something's wrong with you or what you're doing. It's just that someone has hurt you and you are being forced to recover.

But you have Lots. Of. Time. Way more than you know.

Feel a little better now I'm not pressuring myself to sleep.

I get the feeling you're a pretty compassionate and open person. You're hours into finding something horrible out. You can't trust your instincts and worries now, you're in emotional overdrive. Slow your thoughts and breathe. Deal with now.

I guess I wear my heart on my sleeve..... That needs to stop

Everyone talking sense here - Penny sleep will come eventually. You are so strong by not pressuring yourself into ANYTHING that doesn't suit you.

Wish I could just crawl into a hole

Penny, I'm on a night shift, so will be around until about 6am.
For the record, I'm almost 42. Split from husband nearly 2 years ago, within 5 days had moved house into rented accommodation, jus my daughter and I.
Six months ago, met a lovely man. Am v happy.
At 27, you have your whole life ahead of you. Everything you thought you had with this chest, you will find with someone else.
You have been strong so far. Just keep it up

Cheat, not chest. Damn phone

Yep you will feel like that for a while. Sometimes we need to make ourselves small and then we grow into bigger, better beings. You don't need to get bigger or better. You're there. That scumbag needs to crawl into a hole. Not you. You are the bizzo.

Thank you so much, I know in six months it will probably feel different but it all feels so desperate now

Penny, has he been in touch at all?

He's text to say he wants to talk tomorrow. I've not replied.