I have posted previously about my p and came to the conclusion that I have a cocklodger on my hands.
I have recently told my family that I want to end the relationship and move to be nearer to them. I got very emotional and my mum was concerned.
So here is my problem. I have decided to leave and have been looking at houses nearer (about 300 miles away) to where my family and friends are. I have found one and been offered it. I need to make a decision by the end of today. I'm not sure I can face the upheaval of a big move but the house is really lovely and a member of my family went to view it on my behalf yesterday.
It all seems so sudden as I'd have 4 weeks to get everything sorted and tell p its over. Then on top of that I'm concerned about dd starting a new school (year 5) and making new friends etc.
I have been very tearful today. I don't know whether to take the bull by the horns and just go for it. Or hang back spilt with p and then deal with a move later on. What would you do?
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Help me make this decision...
knowledgeispower · 02/05/2014 11:04
I'm certain you've made the right decision kip, really well done, it's not easy.
But it does get easier 
Just concentrate on how lovely it will be; in your new house, just you and DD, no hassle, surrounded by people who love and will support you.
I wonder if it would help if you could arrange for a couple of friends/family members to come and visit/stay over the next four weeks. To help you organise and make lists.
And then someone to be with you when you actually move, to keep you company and keep you on track.
Keep posting and stay resolute.
I really do appreciate everyone's kind words, it's keeping me going to be honest.
Today has been better than yesterday. I'm feeling overwhelmed with everything but I'm making progress. My mum said to just take one day at a time and keep focusing on the bigger picture. Oh and write lots of lists!
I've got one of my siblings coming up in a few weeks and extra help with removals packing etc. Then plenty of support at the other end to get settled. Dd is staying at mums for a few nights and she's going to freeze food etc so we have easy meals. Everyone is being lovely and I've started reaching out to everyone as I previously lived a stones throw away from my new house. Have arranged coffee and meet ups with everyone to catch up properly once I'm settled.
Will keep updating as this forum has been such an amazing source of support these past few months 
Sounds great, KIP! So much to look forward to. As I was reading your last post, the sun came out
It is one day at a time, one thing at a time.
Just thought I'd update...
What a rollercoaster of emotions this is! Have gone full circle several times in the past 72 hours. Full panic on the size of the task itself and doubts about how I'll be on my own in the evenings etc just cooking for me a dd and not having another adult to share the cooking with 
This is of course ridiculous but in a way I'm posting again now to just get some of these thoughts down so I can look back on these once I'm settled.
Ex P has been surprisingly supportive (ohhh the irony) but I have my guard up! I don't want to move back down there hating him. There has been so much hurt and the relationship had become toxic. It died a long time ago. Now we are both in agreement that it should end now.
Sorry for the rambling I just need to document these feelings before I move!
Will keep posting...
Well done knowledgeispower! I wanted to leave my STBXH but every time I thought about it or mentioned bring unhappy, he'd cook tea or do the washing wow! and I'd start doubting myself.
I left last year and I've not regretted it at all. He has cut himself off from my DS which is shit sad and not my choice, but I can't make his choices for him.
Stay strong and keep looking forward to your new life!!
Well done KIP, sounds OK all things considered.
Is there a date set for him to move out, I think that would help you.
Thank you Blueuggboots! Good to hear a positive story from someone who is out the other side so to speak
BBB - there is sort of a set date to have the majority of his stuff out and moved back to his. He has booked a man in a van to get the larger stuff out and a member of his family is helping to shift the rest on a set date/help him get settled again and give me a hand. His family have been very supportive in general and knew something wasn't right. Obviously they don't know the full story as they are good people and I don't want to cause them hurt. They do agree I should put my dd first and they have said that he's always been selfish and put himself first above anyone else! Pretty much sums it up
That sounds positive and a good start. Fingers crossed for you. Good luck with your own move - do let us know how you get on (we are all vipers, but vipers who care 
).
Two very good things; he's co-operating and not giving you a hard time, and you have RL support from other people.
You're going to be fine kip and you're getting closer every day.
Well done for taking the leap
Had a good weekend and made a lot of progress with regard to the practicalities of moving!
I'm getting the odd wobble here and there but thankfully ex p is providing plenty of motivation to get the job done.. On the whole though he is cooperative and actually sorting his own stuff out whilst providing assistance to me too. In 3 weeks time I will be in my new home!
I'm muddling along and managing to make a dent in the packing. Had a bit of a cry earlier on when I was home alone but that's to be expected. On the whole I'm feeling optimistic about the weeks/months ahead...
I still find myself reaching for the phone to ring ex p whilst he's been sorting his place out. I hope that feeling passes!!
Three weeks will fly by, fantastic!
Have you got someone coming to help soon?
That feeling will fade, well done resisting the urge.
oh you bloody star, well done for getting this sorted.
It'll be a brand new fresh start for you, imagine the possibilities! I know you're nervous now but once it happens..
Thought I'd write one last update before the big move next weekend!
It's been a mixed few weeks but overall positive and exciting!! Still going above and beyond to help exP but no money has been given so I'm pleased I've not offered assistance. We have had a few rows and dragged up the past etc but only in the last few days.
I'm a lot further on with 'processing'and reflecting on what has happened in this relationship. Looking forward to the future and know I'll be more than okay. A few weeks ago I didn't even want to be single and was so low I didn't think I could cope. It's like a massive weight has been lifted off my shoulders
Once again thank you for all the support and wise words. Will be a regular on here after the move and I'll be sure to update you on my new home (which I've only seen in photos!!)
Well done, KIP! You sound so different from when you first posted.
Very, very good luck with your new life, and the move. I really hope you have a fabulously happy life
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
I've wondered how you were getting on, thanks for the update.
You sound strong and positive which is lovely to read.
Stay vigilant, he may try to change your mind at the last minute via the rows of the last few days.
Lots of luck with the move and the next stage of your life.
and 
to toast your new home
Thank you so much everyone!!
Yes I was in a very dark place on not only this thread when I first posted but on my other earlier threads.
I'm so glad I found this board as it could have taken me longer to work through the confusion.
There is no going back now... I'm just so excited!!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.