EA? I can't do it anymore...

[BohdiSaurus]

I am so unhappy. My partner is very unaffectionate and I hate it. He's always putting me down and letting me know I'm a lesser person than him. He is the bread winner and he thinks my job is insignificant.
When we discuss this he blames it all on me, the reason he doesn't give affection is because I'm needy, or I ask for it, or because he doesn't respect me.
I end up apologising and saying il make an effort to change.
Then either he will make a small effort for a few weeks but it always always goes back to nothing.

I have been ill for a few days, he simply does not care. He wouldn't ever ask how I'm feeling or if he can do anything.
He pretty much ignores me.
I was curled up on the sofa last night feeling terrible when he demanded I went to the shop, I said I was ill and he was so angry with me, I'm a wimp because I could have gone.

This morning he gets up leaving me in bed. He starts shouting up that he needs sandwiches in 10 minutes.
That's it. No good morning. No cuddle in bed. No 'how are you feeling?' Nothing.

I've tried to speak to him today through text and the only response I got it 'negative negative negative, sort it out'

I'm sorry it's so long.... Does this sound like an Emotionally Abusive relationship?

[whatdoesittake48]

I also wish you luck because i am one of the very few people on this board who have come out the other side of this situation with my marriage intact. And it took some very hard work.

My husband was EA - he bullied and shouted and called me names and threatened. All of it. Eventually i did what you are doing and made it clear that I was leaving unless he changed.

He took it as a wake up call and started to work on himself. I became stronger, called him on his behaviour and he read books, did the freedom program for men and basically realised he was an arse.

We are now very happy - not perfect but happy. I still watch and wait, but the eggshells are gone. I call him out on the smallest things and the argument last hours rather than days. I feel stronger and happier which has improved him as well.

he no longer feels out of control and I feel safe.

it worked for us - but I do recommend giving him time alone to think about his next steps. You need to be assured he is totally serious and wants to change. he needs to get counselling and arrange it himself. let him research and find out why he is like this.

I hope I have given you hope. But remember that not all men will take it as seriously as my husband did. He now feels awful about his behaviour and often apologises even now.

[Babblehag]

Bodhi, how are you today???

[BohdiSaurus]

Hello, spent the morning together, nice morning he took my son to his sisters and we went for lunch.
At my mums now and he understands why...but he misses is and doesn't want it to be forever.
He hasn't agreed to any outside help yet though...he wants to work on it himself...I'm not sure that will work, unless I've given him a wake up call.
I'm not sure il ever trust him when he is being nice without thinking he's bring manipulative... Thank you all

[AnyFucker]

Good, I am glad you have had your eyes opened to what really lies behind his behaviour