Please help me leave my violent partner

[namechange19526744]

I have posted before but it's like I keep finding reasons why I can't go but I can't take it anymore. I worry about my cats, I don't want to cause them distress. I need to find somewhere I can take them while I go to a refuge. I feel sick with guilt at the though of leaving them even just for a few months.

I feel awful for my lovely landlord as I will have to leave most of my possessions here and my partner will most likely smash the house up when he finds I've gone... how do I do this???

You CAN do this. Yes, it's scary, but it's just a short time of scary in exchange for a lifetime of peace and calm. You've made your plan and prepared well to leave. All that is left is to quietly close the door behind you.

You are in my prayers.

That's fantastic about the cats, one less worry.
Big deep breaths, it's so close.
I've seen some suggestions on here about how to stop the find my phone thing, I hope they see this and advise.

Quick look on mine under settings, privacy, location services it's at the bottom.
Is this sufficient or can it be remotely turned on?

I just tried it. He would still be able to see it's location by enabling lost mode .

Thanks for all the support, I really need it right now.

You can try this support.apple.com/kb/ph2702 to turn off find my iPhone, alternatively you can tun on airplane mode to leave and then follow those steps before turning the signal back on (I think).

Best of luck, I will be thinking of you.

You managed to find a working phone charger then?

Yes I have a new charger now. Have just taken all the contacts I want from it and pictures, ready for the reset.

Thank you lentilpot

Just get out of there. Don't worry about the cats for now. Your health and sanity is more important. Don't worry about your landlord. I'm a landlord and shit happens. It won't be the first time his house gets smashed up and it won't be the last.

Just get out of there. Change you password on your Apple ID. Turn off location services and he'll not be able to find you using the find my iPhone function.

Take your most important possessions. Get out of there and never look back.

My sister in law gets the crap beaten out of her weekly and her fella trashes the house every week. I wish she'd do what your doing.

blog.laptopmag.com/turn-off-find-my-iphone-ios-7

This instruction has pictures in the steps. Looks like the way to disable Find my iPhone without doing a total reset.

Be sure you change your Apple account so he can't access your iCloud accounts.

A definition of courage is to feel frightened and do it anyway. I'm glad you're not waiting to feel stronger but getting on and preparing for your exit. You're being very courageous and, rest assured, the strength you currently lack will grow every day you are away from him.

Thinking of you today, I hope it all goes smoothly

Thinking of you OP and hoping you manage to leave very soon.
You're doing so well.
Update us only when it's safe to do so.

Sorry for lack of updates he's still here

You don't owe anyone here an update. Just stay safe.

Thanks Cogito.

He's gone out but he keeps taking my car, it's like he doesn't want to leave me alone with my car. It's an almost 3 hr drive with my cats and all my stuff, I need my car. He's such a fucking clever bastard. He keeps telling me how disgusting and horrible I am and he doesn't care if I leave and feels sorry for who I end up for. Screaming in my face this morning for ages when I wasn't even engaging, just crying. So then why be so careful not to give me an opportunity??

Look, at some point, forget the car. Get a cab, or ask someone to drive you.

You can always ask for the car back later on, or report it stolen.

Or rent a car for a day.

"So then why be so careful not to give me an opportunity??"

Bullies are unreasonable by definition. They don't have to make sense in order to be intimidating - in fact, by being irrational and unpredictable, they can often ramp up the fear factor a bit more. It sounds like he has spent 10 years subjecting you to unreasonable behaviour and this is just more of the same. Agree with Lweji... get a cab or hire a car.

I know it's going to sound like I'm making more excuses, and maybe I am, I don't even know anymore. But it's hard enough as it is, I need something familiar. If I have to leave my home and possessions at least my car would be a small comfort and convenience. Also, I only have enough money saved to last me a month so I don't want to waste any. You're probably getting sick and bored now and understandably. I do still plan to go, I don't have second thoughts any more...

And still waiting for a reply from the lovely MNer who said she can look after my cats. Oh and I need to phone the refuge back now I have a chance.

I'm pathetic aren't I

You are not!

Imagine every poster off your thread standing with you, giving you the strength to do this.

I applaud you for making this decision to make a new start xx

Calling yourself pathetic is just more manifestation of excuse making, ie 'i can't leave my violent partner, because I am pathetic'.

No, you are not pathetic. Scratch that excuse.

Now, do what you need to.

I just phoned them. They said they'll hold the room for me until I can get away.