Please help me leave my violent partner

[namechange19526744]

I have posted before but it's like I keep finding reasons why I can't go but I can't take it anymore. I worry about my cats, I don't want to cause them distress. I need to find somewhere I can take them while I go to a refuge. I feel sick with guilt at the though of leaving them even just for a few months.

I feel awful for my lovely landlord as I will have to leave most of my possessions here and my partner will most likely smash the house up when he finds I've gone... how do I do this???

It's important to remember that although this man has frightened you and made you fear him, to everybody else he's just an abusive tosser, and subject to the same laws as anybody else.

Alert the police, warn your family etc. If he does anything crazy he will be dealt with like the criminal that he is. He has no super powers.

Well I've bought a second cat carrier in preparation but I've tried 6 different refuges and women's aid but none are answering the phone, including the ones that day they're open 24/7. Why do I have such bad luck with this...

Keep trying. It's a holiday weekend and staffing is bound to be less than normal. Is he going to notice an extra carrier has appeared? Be careful....

I've put it in the attic room, he doesn't go in there too often.

I'm a landlord and I would far rather deal with the aftermath of an angry tosser smashing my house up than with the possibility of the same angry tosser hurting his partner, or worse, in the house.
Is there any possibility you could take the cats to a cattery, just to get them out of the way before you leave?
Stay strong, stay focused, and get yourself away to safety.

I'm trying to be strong but I'm in pieces. I can't eat and can't stop crying, feel like I'm falling apart.

I've managed to get hold of one of the refuges and they've told me they've got room and to call again in the morning so they can discuss things with me.

I'm so scared I feel sick

Well done for making that call xxxxx
Cattery is a good option to buy time.

The refuge is near to someone who has said they can look after the cats so hopefully I won't need to find a cattery... I don't like the idea of sticking them somewhere like that... poor things will be distressed enough as it is.

How many cats?

Just 2

You can still contact WA again. They know that it usually takes several attempts to leave.

Is there somewhere safe you could store your belongings?

Is the property in joint names? If just yours the landlord would probably prefer you changing the licks than having him trash the place.

I am always struck by how helpful posters here truly are... If you have any chance to go where someone has offered to help with the cats, please please call again as they said and get the ball rolling. You've already made the first call, which is usually the scariest. Now just do the next one, and let them guide you. And as someone already said, alert police and family. You can do this, and it will be so worth it and you won't be alone. You will have help from refuge and posters here, and I bet your family will step up, too.

You'll feel so much easier in your mind once you have the cats safely housed so hopefully they'll have room. Let us know tomorrow if that's sorted.

Just wishing you the best name change, stand firm that this is the right thing to do, you have lots of support here.

It's just in my name. I thought about changing the locks but all of his stuff is here and he'd just kick the door in anyway. I will be informing the police once I've left and let them know the danger. Is there a way to change my Apple ID? At the moment he can track me with the find my iPhone app

Thank you everyone. I'm not sure I'm doing the right thing at all but I just can't take this anymore, I'm not strong right now at all, my head is all over the place

OP there are charities specially designed to look after the pets of women fleeing DV...take a look here

Hang in there.
Leaving for the refuge is the right thing.

Switch your phone off completely so it can't be tracked.
You can get a new Apple ID when you need to.

You can do this OP, you're nearly there.

how to change your apple id

OP you are doing the right thing leaving. Grab what you can and go. A whole new life is ahead of you.

Good luck

Take important bits with you, passports, birth certificates, bank stuff etc. I know you are terrified and quite rightly, but I really think you can do this. You could buy a cheap pay as you go phone so you are untraceable. Don't try and jump every single obstacle right now. It's too huge and you will become overwhelmed. Break the problem down in tomore manageable smaller steps. Take advice from women's organisations as they have seen it all before and are very experienced. One step at a time ok. Your cats will miss you but cats are very independent and don't usually get so emotionally attached to us as we do to them. They will be fine until you can be re united again. And well done to Bluestocking for such supportive words as many landlords would be very unsupportive if they thought they would be out of pocket.
Try and see a doctor... Not your own one once you have left him... To see if there is any help they could give you during this very stressful time in your life..... Good luck

I've made a new Apple ID in preparation and will do a reset when I set off. I have put my documents in a suitcase which is hidden. I have tried to tidy the house and throw out some junk, not much but I didn't want to make it look too obvious. Now I feel sick.

I've washed and dried and stacked together all the clothes I'll be taking, ready to chuck into bin bags (I only have one suitcase so all the important stuff will go in there).

Well done, you're doing great - we're all behind you OP!

Well done, that's a brilliant start. Just try and get some sleep but dont worry if you cant. Tomorrow is the start of a happy new life for you - scary but massively exciting x