Is it true most men would rather be with women under 35?

[adjani77]

Unfortunately for me I have been reading a lot online on the "manosphere" recently and a lot about what men think about women ( or a certain kind of man). Talk about "Sexual market Value" which basically amount to women of 30+ are basically hideous monsters to men their own age and older. I see this to on dating websites where men mostly are prepared to date women 10 - 15 years younger but will often not even want to date women the same age as them!

In the press recently 2 high profile men Stephen Hendry and Rowan Atkinson have both left their wives for women half their age (both women are also dead ringers for the 1st wives!).

I find it really depressing. I understand that we can get attracted to other people but if you have a good marriage, if your man is getting love, sex, affection and friendship surely he will have no reason to stray right?

I just don't know. Perhaps I am just worried about getting older 40 in a few years and how will that affect my partners satisfaction with me?

It seems that even men who are happy and love their wives / partners can fall in love with someone else, someone younger and transfer their love and affection to another. I guess I just need to accept that nothing is ever certain in life.

Has anyone else read any of that manosphere stuff about women and SMV etc what do you think?

OP: water settles at its own level: just go out and date and see who is naturally attracted to you, and vice-versa.

Most of us who feel we're in decent, progressive, supportive relationships didn't have to 'try too hard' or over-analyse or do the hard sell to get into them.

Don't take anyone's 'advice' on what is more or less attractive (in terms of age, looks etc) to the opposite sex or you'll end up tying yourself in knots.

If you meet anyone indicating 'women should be afraid you're not going to meet anyone decent so you need to settle for ME' then he's probably weird or resentful, and should be avoided.

"I always visualize men who use the internet to enthusiastically discuss their Theories Of Dating Women as wearing things like THIS "

I have it in raspberry.

Question:

I am 34, dh is 43, even though he's older will he still go off me in a years time?

balenciaga - Honestly, who know. I really wouldn't worry about it.

knows

I love the way people who want to argue sexist shit, always assume that people's instincts for sex are stronger than their instincts for love, family, social status, security, companionship, safety etc.

Sex is one aspect of our lives. Only the simple-minded (and/ or sexists) believe it is the most important.

Any guy who uses the phrase "sexual market value" has probably never touched a woman in real life!

Somebody upthread was talking about how, as women grow older, they get better at weeding out emotionally immature men and discarding them as serious prospects. There are guys who go their whole lives having brief relationships with women in their early twenties - because they're not capable of dating somebody more mature - because they're immature themselves. And as you mature, you don't want a guy like that anyway.

Agree with whoever was saying, as you mature, what you want in a relationship is stability and compatibility. There's more at stake as you age. You don't necessarily want to be going out with somebody who wants to go to a warehouse rave until 4am (well, maybe some people 35+ want that, I know I don't.) If it's a long-term relationship, you want somebody kind, with somebody who you've got things in common with, who you can talk to things about.

I have a few almost constantly-single male friends 30+, who are single precisely because they chase after girls in their early 20s. The relationships never work out because there's not enough going on beyond an initial attraction. Women their own age aren't interested in guys like this because they're too much of 'a project', and as you get older you can't really be arsed with that. And you can see that, when these guys' looks fade, they'll end up being lonely in old age.

So my advice is, don't worry about your husband leaving you for somebody younger, just enjoy and cultivate what the two of you already have together.

Tres vrai, I put up with all manner of shit, gobshiite and bullshit from men when I was younger.
There's no way I'd tolerate that now.

Much easier to control and manipulate the young and naive

olathelawyer05 - They certainly don't have relationships that conform to society(me). Do you honestly think that the young women they have on their arms like trinkets would stay with them if they lost everything?
I know you'll say that I couldn't possibly know that with 100% certainty but it's more than likely they wouldn't.
If you have a partner that stays with you through the toughest of times and when you have nothing, they continue to support you, then you know that they're with you for the right reasons.
They'll never know that. Maybe those women do love them in a way. It's not the right kind of love though. It's more like appreciation to somebody who supplies them with big houses, fancy cars and designer clothes. In return, they give an ego boost to shallow, superficial old men.

Yes, plainly sugar daddy/sugar baby arrangements

neiljames77 - well, at least you seem to accept that you are just being 'judgy' without actually knowing - fair play. But it is very flawed to reach conclusions based on what you admit are assumptions - almost as though we're wishing/hoping that these aren't happy just because they aren't doing it as WE want them to. The same way that unmarried/childless women in their late 30s etc might be 'judged'. Basically, it's a way of rebuking them for not doing as they're told, and daring to like and pursue young/firm bums and boobs etc.

Suzannewithaplan - As above, not sure we can really decide what their relationships 'plainly' are or are not, based simply on an age difference that we disapprove of. They could just as easily have 'arrangement' relationships with older women.

I actually don't care if these awful men are happy or not.

So what?

Lots of idiots are happy, ignorance is bliss. Like pigs in muck.

Not many blokes living on state pensions manage to pull young women...do they?

olathelawyer05 I'm not rebuking them for having an unconventional relationship that doesn't fit in the parameters of society's "norms". I wouldn't do that. Each to their own. I'm not hoping that they're unhappy either. They probably are.
I'm not quite sure how a single woman without children in her late 30's fits into this though. What could she be "judged" on other than being a single woman without children in her late 30's?

I can tell you're a lawyer though.

"Not many blokes living on state pensions manage to pull young women...do they?"

Well, "I want a poor man..." said no woman ever, regardless of her age.

So you see, not even that observation of yours (if correct) proves the shallowness of Hugh & Bernie's relationships based simply on the age gaps.

I think it depends on the man, their working environment and the opportunities available to them. I have seen an awful lot of 40 something men in very senior roles in the City on very high salaries leave their wives for a much younger model they met at work. Power and money is a great aphrodisiac....

DH is 40 and doesn't have any problem with my 44.

Perhaps you're just looking in the wrong places.

All the lawyers I know or employ have a great deal more sense than Ola, who spins his issues with women as poorly digested evolutionary psychology. As if we were likely to be fooled...

Generally young men and women do not want to mate with older models because they're a bit manky. To pull a much younger woman a man needs money/status to compensate for his lack of attractiveness.

Unfortunately, the few examples who manage to pull younger women, generally with large amounts of cash, convince the more susceptible of the male population that they therefore they also have a chance. They don't.

copy and paste of an earlier post of mine Ola You obviously missed it.

Darkesteyes Fri 18-Apr-14 16:11:51

Im 40 and have always preferred older men.
At 18 I had a 3 month fling with a 41 year old man (the guy who showed me what my clitoris was for)
DH is 23 years older than me (this situ is well documented on here.)
Ex OM was 17 years older than me (the chemistry there was amazing)
All of them were either on benefits or low wages.

Ok...please don't flame... I was that twenty something who dated and was friends with older men. Not Anna Nicole Smith, but me 21, him 38, for example.

I can tell you exactly why. I had a narcissistic and abusive parents, and a very sheltered upbringing. So I was this mix of being quite well-educated and pretty, but also very naive and not able to get on with my peers.

The reason why: it was that I was struggling socially - broken, in fact. I was in a weird work/life situation. I couldn't get on with women and men my own age. I thought I didn't deserve any better than some weird guy with odd mannerisms, and everyone turning to snigger as I tried to be the "cool girlfriend/mate" and cover his shame.

The trouble was: the kind of man who seeks to have serious friendships with and date younger women, women who are very different to them, women who aren't 'peers', tends to be very, very fucked up and resentful.

People can fall in love with whoever they like - no ones criticising age gap relationships that happen naturally.

But there are some men who have failed to make it as men, and then will intentionally seek out people who are much younger than them (or even of a different nationality) because its easier to socially do a number on them.

I actually cringe with shame when I think of some of the horrors I went out with/was friends with (and I wouldn't give them a second look now). Just relieved I never got pregnant or married to any of them!

It wasn't my amazing body or my personality they were after: I was simply too naive to spot the weirdos/weird behaviour.

Stephaniethehiker I'm not going to flame you at all for that - I think it's a pretty common experience.

I too went out with a few older men when I was in my early 20s. Remember thinking at the time that these men seemed so mature and experienced! Looking back now, I can see that my older boyfriends were emotionally stunted (to a greater or lesser degree) and one or two of them treated me very badly, in a way that they wouldn't have got away with if I was older and much less naive. I was too young to realise how awful they were, in short.

Pretty sure others on the board will have had similar experiences.

Ok then, I give in. I'll accept that there's a possibility that if some rich, cantankerous, lecherous old scrote was to lose everything, go on JSA and has to tell his perma-tanned barbie doll that she has to shop at Nisa rather than Harvey Nicholls, she'd say, "I promised for better or worse, when I got taken to our mock Georgian fake mansion in a horse drawn pumpkin to get married and I'll stick by you".

It's a remote possibility. So's winning Euromillions.