Is it true most men would rather be with women under 35?

[adjani77]

Unfortunately for me I have been reading a lot online on the "manosphere" recently and a lot about what men think about women ( or a certain kind of man). Talk about "Sexual market Value" which basically amount to women of 30+ are basically hideous monsters to men their own age and older. I see this to on dating websites where men mostly are prepared to date women 10 - 15 years younger but will often not even want to date women the same age as them!

In the press recently 2 high profile men Stephen Hendry and Rowan Atkinson have both left their wives for women half their age (both women are also dead ringers for the 1st wives!).

I find it really depressing. I understand that we can get attracted to other people but if you have a good marriage, if your man is getting love, sex, affection and friendship surely he will have no reason to stray right?

I just don't know. Perhaps I am just worried about getting older 40 in a few years and how will that affect my partners satisfaction with me?

It seems that even men who are happy and love their wives / partners can fall in love with someone else, someone younger and transfer their love and affection to another. I guess I just need to accept that nothing is ever certain in life.

Has anyone else read any of that manosphere stuff about women and SMV etc what do you think?

[ItsSpringBaby]

I've learned that very often what men claim they want and fantasize about and what they can get and end up with are two different things. In a lot of these guys minds all young women are fresh, look like supermodels and will fall at their feet. The reality is not so fantastic as we all know.

I dated a childless guy who was turning 40 (he lied about his age) when I was 22/23. The age gap was more than obvious, he was set in his ways, was fighting some sort of mental and physical mid-life crisis and tried way too hard to stay 'in the know'. Just pathetic really. It lasted about a year before his continuing jealousy of my youth killed things, and I got fed up of him being a moany old git.

As another example I know a man (29) who is model-like handsome and was married to a woman who was close to a decade older, and - this is me being a total bitch - is no looker and is not in the best shape. She left him in the end, but he still loves her and has never moved on despite having his fair share of young women drooling over him. So you never know really...

[neiljames77]

Rooney is living proof that there is someone out there for everyone. Maybe Coleen has a fetish for blokes with a face like a boiled bollock.

You can't build a relationship on something as shallow and superficial as money, looks or age. There'd always be doubts and suspicion.

[Jellaby]

I think Colleen has a fetish for a comfortable life and C list stardom!

[jamiemars]

Who really cares what men want. I am so sick of hearing about what men want. It is really nauseating. Women should focus on what they want.
From what I know, there is someone out there for everybody. Even 00 pound people, midgets, autistic people, and people with severe personality disorders find mates. So there is hope for everyone.
If you are a 45 year old woman, why would you want a man who only cares about a younger body anyway. That is pretty shallow.
What if you are a young trophy wife and get cancer or get some horrible affliction and lose your hair and looks? Will your man divorce you?

[badbaldingballerina123]

Op I'm familiar with the manosphere. I think it can be a little depressing , but don't forget smv affects men as well. I'm 39 and I don't want to go out with a out of shape 50 year old , and I don't think anyone else does really. The problem is it's written for men and there's lots about gaming ect and being an alpha prick. Nearly all contributions are from men so your probably getting a view of how men think that your not familiar with. It's uncomfortable reading.It's called red pill veiw , and anyone who reads it is guarenteed to feel depressed and sort of what's the point. Men included.

The answer is to be the best version of yourself you can be. I don't agree with a lot of the phrases , or some of the ideas , but I do think that really , this is how the dating , marriage world works whether we like it or not.

Have you read mmsl? That's a much more gentler version for both men and women. I'd recommend it if you haven't read it. Most people believe in unconditional love , these sort of books.challenge that and I don't think that's always a bad thing.

[lavenderhoney]

But hasn't this always been so? Its not a new thing men push off with younger women.

Its two different things you're talking about op-

1- a dh who sees your face in bright sunlight and thinks " blimey, she's old" and leaves
2- od which has age ranges and all on looks at first.

You have to just be yourself and hope that the tossers pass you by in their search for a woman who is younger than them regardless of their personality and compatibility.

[Simplesusan]

Tbh a lot of people on od are looking for their ideal partner.
Many/most of them , both men and women, have come out of a long term relationship and now want an ideal man/ woman.


I was in this position and had standards that I wasn't prepared to compromise on.

I had been married for a long time, had my dcs and no intention of having any more. Not particularly interested in marriage but wanted to go on dates/ share experiences with someone who interested me and who I found attractive.


My ideal fantasy is Brad Pitt in his Thelma and Louise days, the scene where he and Geena Davis are in her hotel room and her swipes everything off the dressing table and shags her senseless.

When I think about that I'm not fantasising doing it with an overweight, ugly short, bald ,smelly ,old guy trust me.

As you were.

[Grennie]

Jamie - I agree, who cares what men want, focus on what you want.

I know many women who are with men much less better looking, much less considerate, much less intelligent than they are. To hell with what men want. Look at what you want. Many women can do much better than they have.

[Grennie]

And many women when they leave or are left by Hasbands not good enough for them in the first place, find they are happier as a result.

[balenciaga]

What a strange question

[MadeMan]

Online dating certainly doesn't help asking people to specify an age range and you can't blame men for hedging their bets by selecting a lower age limit to start from. It's just like trying to cover as many squares as possible on a roulette table with your handful of chips.

[Twinklestein]

How many 35 year old women actually want to be with 50 year old men?

I encouraged a single 43 year old male friend to join mysinglefriend.com and instructed him to go for women in their early 30s because he really wants kids. But it turned out that most of these women had filters on their profiles and were only looking for men under the age of 35.

Some men would like to be with Scarlett Johansson, doesn't mean it's ever going to happen.

[Velocirapture]

Who cares what men want? As a general rule 25 year old stunners are not going to entertain a 40 plus divorce..... Unless they have money or status and that is a completely different ball game, for both genders.

[MadeMan]

"In the press recently 2 high profile men Stephen Hendry and Rowan Atkinson have both left their wives for women half their age"

Yes and don't forget Lembit Opik, who left Sian Lloyd for a Cheeky Girl.

[SolidGoldBrass]

It's very true that the sort of men who go on about wanting beautiful young women are generally losers, OP. So why would you want one of them in the first place?

[WitchWay]

DH has a friend who is late 40s, he has always chosen women in their twenties as girlfriends, he lusts after teenagers & once a woman is over 30 he sees them as too old. He acts like a spoilt teenager himself in lots of ways. He has a teenage son from a relationship when he was 30 (GF was 18/19) & doesn't want any more children or even stepchildren. He just can't see that what he wants is more or less impossible - I suspect he'll end up alone & bitter still fancying inappropriately young women

[Simplesusan]

With regards to famous men, you only see one side of the picture.
How do you know that it wasn't the wife who wanted to end the relationship?

Don't believe everything you read I the press.

I'm sure it is often part of the divorce settlement that the woman gets exactly what she wants so long as she keeps quiet.

Harrison ford reportedly gave his ex wife millions and let her take anything she wanted in return for her silence, he knew how damaging a bitter ex could be and did't want his career to suffer due to it.

Again concentrate on what you want out of a relationship.

[Rebecca2014]

Too be honest it scares me that my husband will leave me for an younger woman, so many men do it and it really sucks...makes me wonder if women over an certain age find it hard to get an new partner because majority of the men are going for the younger women?

It does actually make me hate the male sex...a bit...a lot.

[weatherall]

I've noticed this.

Guys I went to Uni with are now dating women who are the same age as the ones they dated at Uni.10+ years ago!

I find it creepy.

I don't know what these young women see in these icky old men.

[Uptheanty]

It all seems to be stacked in favour of the male.

A successful male will be very attractive to a young female, society values all that he is. Strong, experienced, respected men who earn a good salary...probably considerably more than their female counterparts.

It is quite attractive to young women who trade off on what they bring to the table, mostly their looks, young, fresh, taut and usually in awe. Great for a mans status. The young woman has all that society values in a woman.

Unfortunately for us older ladies, we get to do all the hard graft and are completely undervalued & constantly criticised.

[Fairylea]

I actually think it's something else as well...

I'm finding as I approach 35 that I am more self confident, more opinionated, know my own self more and I won't entertain people who quite frankly piss me off. Unless I have a taxi door to door I'm not going to teeter about in ridiculous high heels just to make my legs look longer as I would have done in my 20s. I don't care if I carry a bit of extra weight. I'd rather eat cake than run. And if people don't like me for that or don't fancy me for that then I don't give a shit.

I'm happily married now but I've done marriage before and been online dating and everything else. I just feel as I've got older I've become far more confident.

I don't think SOME men - like the Stephen hendrys of the world - like that. It's too much for them.

Not all men prefer women under 35 but I do think a fair few of them think they're less hard work because they are softer and less self aware / confident sometimes. Not always. Plenty of brilliant and self confident women under 35 too but I think for a lot of us it takes time to find comfort in our own skins.

[jamiemars]

I love your post!

[jamiemars]

My last message (I love your post) was meant for Basil.

[sittinginthedockofthebay]

Wasn't there someone 40ish posting on the singles thread a couple years ago about how much he wanted "spark", and how he got divorced cause his wife hadn't paid enough attention to what he called "the relationship" him him HIM?

He had this intense list of what he (short, smoker, two kids) would accept and not accept. No gold diggers, they had to fit in with his (very precise) life plans, they had to accept that he liked to go out and make new female friends etc etc. He was the big man.

It was like a car crash, I can't believe someone would be that lacking in self awareness.

And then getting disappointed because all these cool new women he was dating and who were paying him attention (twenty somethings included) weren't interested in hearing his probably tedious childhood anecdotes and were also finding him weird and tiresome and attention seeking?

All these twenty something women he was having what he called "relationships" with seemed to be "okish older man I can experiment with and let buy me meals a bit" whilst he was like OH MY GOD THEY LIKE ME SO MUCH, WE HAVE AMAZING CHEMISTRY.

His crowning glory: the woman he boasted about "seducing" then was "erm, no you can't come live with me in France". His reaction was to stand there screaming about how she'd hurt his feelings and why couldn't she call him up crying and begging for him to live with her. Dear oh dear.

[Minion100]

I think this is a harsh generalisation. The man I am currently with is 40 and (I am 36) and he would not date anyone under 35 because he feels like women become sexier and more interesting / stable after that age. I think many men might go for the better bodies (mine was a lot better at 20 than it is at 36) or maybe even the lack of world-wisdom but I think this says something very worrying about the man. I think men who trade in older wives for younger ones are just trying to feel younger themselves. They are afraid of getting older. Anyone who doesn't see the value in growing old with someone is missing out really.