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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

He punched me in the face.

538 replies

NeedAdvice2014 · 12/04/2014 03:35

I don't know if anyone's awake. I am in a bit of a mess, in lots of ways. My H went drinking last night. He has form for being aggressive and nasty when drunk, though never violent towards me before. About a year ago I threatened to end things and he stopped drinking altogether. All of our issues stemmed from his drinking so I gave it another chance.

He started having just one glass - excuses like not making other people feel strange. Then going out when he was staying with friends. Last night he went to a work do, initially he said he would come home for DCs bed time, then that he would go straight from work and come home early. He got back after midnight, O heard him falling around, he went into the spare room.

About 3 he came into our bedroom and got into bed. He lay half on top of me hugging me and put his duvet over us. I was annoyed he had woken me again and said "what are you doing?" He said "I was trying to be nice you fucking cunt". I went to the toilet and when I came back he was across the whole bed and on my pillows. I wanted to go to the spare room and pulled my pillow out from under his head - I did do this quite roughly as I was annoyed. He jumped pit of bed, pushed me across the room and punched me full force in the face. I screamed and said I would call the police and he got back into bed. I could feel lots of blood.

I have a cut on the bridge of my nose which bled a lot, it's still oozing blood now. My nose and forehead are going to be bruised. I am in the spare room and have locked the door, he is quiet.

What the hell am I going to do? Our marriage is over, I am not letting my DCs grow up in a home where this happens. We are supposed to have H's friend and his DC stay tomorrow, I am going to tell him to cancel it. But then what? I think I need to tell him to leave, but I can't afford the house on ky own. What will I say to DCs? And what will I tell anyone, especially work, about the state of my face? I feel in shock.

OP posts:
Offred · 12/04/2014 08:33

There's a point in that police aren't clinicians and it might need some treatment, also it will produce more evidence for legal aid you might need in the future but I can see why you wouldn't want to go and feel exposed waiting in the waiting room.

The dc will be fine if you leave. They will be sad/affected by this whether you stay or leave. You can minimise the risks to them by leaving and insisting on protection for them when they see him - no drinking etc. by leaving they'll learn the right messages for their future relationships. If you stay any boys will learn to punch/drink any girls to be a punchbag.

notapizzaeater · 12/04/2014 08:33

If it is broken it needs looking at to make sure it's all in alignment, you don't want it to set wrong and them have to rebreak it

BoreOfWhabylon · 12/04/2014 08:34

Correction to my previous post. Of course you haven't fractured your nose, he fractured your nose.

Realitybitesyourbum · 12/04/2014 08:34

You should go to A and E just for them to assess it. Apart from the fact that you can't tell with noses sometimes what long term damage could be left and give you breathing difficulties etc, you need to have it logged as the punch being serious to require medical treatment, otherwise your husband and the courts could downplay the incident.

Sorry you are going through this....

BigArea · 12/04/2014 08:34

OP just read your thread and wanted to add my voice to those saying you definitely did the right thing. I suspect your friend will say the same when she actually sees your face. But if she doesn't, don't let her undermine you. Ask her to leave, post back here and MNers will bolster you. Well done.

Clearlymisunderstood · 12/04/2014 08:35

Another hand holder to say you absolutely did the right thing OP x

Offred · 12/04/2014 08:36

And as well as making sure your injuries are investigated, treated and documented the level of injuries will determine what kind of assault offence he is charged with. It will help the case to have a medical record. Please go to a&e.

tribpot · 12/04/2014 08:39

I agree with Buzzard, I do think a blow to the head needs to be checked out.

HicDraconis · 12/04/2014 08:40

More ((hugs)) and support. Definitely think you'll need more chairs in your kitchen as more people read & support.

You have made the right decision. For yourself, for your children - and for your H, who may use this as a turning point. That's up to him though - right now, you just need to believe and know that you have made the right choices.

Broken noses can heal straight, but they can also heal crooked. It's worth visiting ED so they can document the injury but also if it's very wonky, refer you to ENT to have it manipulated to heal straight. Up to you but if you did head to A&E, you absolutely wouldn't be wasting anyone's time. Good luck.

Atbeckandcall · 12/04/2014 08:41

Definitely go to A&E, long term implications if not checked out could be rather uncomfortable.

Yes your dc will be sad in the short term, but in the long term they will be happy and confident. By not accepting this behaviour you have taught your children that DV is not acceptable or to be tolerated. From your previous post, I gather your mum didn't do that. You're also showing them that you are putting their needs, safety and care before your dh's. They are absolutely the most important things your dc can learn from this. And it is awful being a child and living with the anxiety in case it ever happens again.

I can't commend you enough on your actions so far. (((((Hugs)))))

Kniternator · 12/04/2014 08:41

Read this early morning, so glad you took the advice. You have been tremendously brave. Look after yourself, you did the right thing x

Hissy · 12/04/2014 08:41

Good good, you poor thing! What a truly awful night you've had!

You really have done the right thing; for you, for your DC, for your H for that matter. Maybe now he'll be forced to look at his behaviour and get help. Covering for him won't make him change anything will it?

You really do need to go to hospital, and you really do need to tell them the truth.

Remember, YOU DIDN'T do this, HE did this to you. You have no need for shame here. You need the support, medical attention and care from those all around you.

Telling the hospital staff will help them help you better. It will also help you gain access to Legal Aid and support with Housing/childcare. You need this documented, if you don't get this assault established, it will really hamper you IF you need legal stuff like divorce/custody/csa things sorting out.

It may not come to that, but this is all about maximising the support/protection/leverage you may need for the future.

FabULouse · 12/04/2014 08:41

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daisychain01 · 12/04/2014 08:42

Another hand-hold from me and to say how well you have done so far!

Like the other good advice, it really is critical to try to get over to A&E because a blow to the face always needs to be checked out, if only to give you the all-clear, and to have an official medical record which is worth having in your circumstances.

((Hugs))

ChasedByBees · 12/04/2014 08:43

You did absolutely the right thing. I would go to A&E just to be safe. You're being so strong. xx

FabULouse · 12/04/2014 08:43

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Hissy · 12/04/2014 08:44

You have been really brave, some of us sadly know how brave you've been, and I want you to know that you have absolutely done the right thing, and this fear will subside, you will be strong again.

The Mumsnet Hug is now approaching 200! We're here as long as you need us to be.

Quinteszilla · 12/04/2014 08:45

You have done the right thing. I also think you need to get to A&E and get your face seen. You are very brave. Flowers

StampyIsMyBoyfriend · 12/04/2014 08:45

Well done OP. Can't imagine how you feel, but some great advice on here.

Thinking of you Thanks

Logg1e · 12/04/2014 08:45

One quick thought regarding friends. They'll be looking at it from their point of view some, if not all, of the time. That might colour their thoughts regarding you calling the police. Don't think for a second that you didn't do the right thing. Your kids needed you do this, and you did it.

dramajustfollowsme · 12/04/2014 08:46

I am so, so glad you phoned the police. You completely did the right thing. If your friend says different, she is wrong.
Even if your "d"h is remorseful, what is to stop him behaving like that again. He had agreed to stop drinking before and started again. He needs professional help. However, you don't have to be his punching bag ever.
He crossed a line and it really doesn't matter how drunk he was. He must have known what he was doing to hit you with such force.
Tell everyone the truth that way it is harder to minimise later.
This won't be an easy journey you are starting out on. However, ultimately it will be happier, free from fear and better for your children.
You have been incredibly brave. Well done you.
Also, wonderful advice from Vicar once more.

KatOD · 12/04/2014 08:46

Well done you, and big admiration for those who supported you through the night.

You've absolutely done the right thing, you need to put you and DC first.... And do you know what, in a way you're helping him too with a wake up call about the impact of his drinking...

StampyIsMyBoyfriend · 12/04/2014 08:46

Also, please go to A&E. If it heals crooked, you could be scarred for life. It might not seem important now, but you'd have a constant reminder.

Purpleknickers · 12/04/2014 08:47

Another here wanting to add support and say how pleased I am that you found the strength to report this. I hope you manage some sleep sometime today and stay strong you are doing brilliantly. My heart was in my mouth reading your thread and I audibly sighed with relief when vicar came along to advise you.

You can get through this and everyone is here to hand hold

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis · 12/04/2014 08:47

Op you have been amazing. And Vicar-can we have MNetter of the year just for her? Go to a and e please. And if he is released do not be in the house alone with him. (Personally I'd have lots of people silently watching whilst he got his stuff and went) if he is all remorseful or "forgetful" show him your original post, that should scare him.
You go to hospital then get some rest. Flowers