He punched me in the face.

[NeedAdvice2014]

I don't know if anyone's awake. I am in a bit of a mess, in lots of ways. My H went drinking last night. He has form for being aggressive and nasty when drunk, though never violent towards me before. About a year ago I threatened to end things and he stopped drinking altogether. All of our issues stemmed from his drinking so I gave it another chance.

He started having just one glass - excuses like not making other people feel strange. Then going out when he was staying with friends. Last night he went to a work do, initially he said he would come home for DCs bed time, then that he would go straight from work and come home early. He got back after midnight, O heard him falling around, he went into the spare room.

About 3 he came into our bedroom and got into bed. He lay half on top of me hugging me and put his duvet over us. I was annoyed he had woken me again and said "what are you doing?" He said "I was trying to be nice you fucking cunt". I went to the toilet and when I came back he was across the whole bed and on my pillows. I wanted to go to the spare room and pulled my pillow out from under his head - I did do this quite roughly as I was annoyed. He jumped pit of bed, pushed me across the room and punched me full force in the face. I screamed and said I would call the police and he got back into bed. I could feel lots of blood.

I have a cut on the bridge of my nose which bled a lot, it's still oozing blood now. My nose and forehead are going to be bruised. I am in the spare room and have locked the door, he is quiet.

What the hell am I going to do? Our marriage is over, I am not letting my DCs grow up in a home where this happens. We are supposed to have H's friend and his DC stay tomorrow, I am going to tell him to cancel it. But then what? I think I need to tell him to leave, but I can't afford the house on ky own. What will I say to DCs? And what will I tell anyone, especially work, about the state of my face? I feel in shock.

Yy to explaining to your work. They have some duty of care to you in terms of supporting your current circumstances, and covering your absence. Plus they must exercise absolute discretion.

I remember years ago, the receptionist at work used to come in with a black eye from time to time. People were extremely discrete, just gave her space but there was an extra level of emotional support there that really helped her feel less alone. It does bring out the good in people and removes the isolation. She went through a break up but the work support was helpful to her, she said.

What I mean is that any consequences that come from this is because of his actions, and therefore only what he deserves iyswim? I know you are not out for revenge or to make him suffer. I just don't want you to blame yourself, you must be feeling horribly betrayed. I hope I haven't upset you. I think you are being wonderfully brave.

Fwiw I am starting work as a junior doctor in August, and it sounds like there might already be other medical people on the thread. I know it will be stressful, but I do think your injuries need assessing properly. You may be right that nothing more needs doing, but I think it needs looking at just in case. My experience of A&E is at this time of the day you will be seen quite quickly.

I agree with others, do tell work and anyone else who can help you. Do not cover up or lie for him and certainly please do not be ashamed of what he has done. This is all his doing - and no amount of sorrys or false promises can take away what he chose to do to you. Please do not give him any more chances.

I want to high five all you users who in the dead of night, encouraged the OP to do the right thing. Does this place ever sleep?

I also wish a place like this had been around 20 years ago when my poor sister was in the grips of dv.

She didn't have the courage to leave, she made the age old excuses for her bruises. My nephew, who was 3 at the time, would say "I saw daddy hitting mummy's head against the toilet". Still she would deny it.

She left eventually, after years though, not months.

She lives with his legacy every day in the shape of epilepsy. Being in HDU over Christmas with near constant fits, still didn't make her leave.
How I wish she'd been gently nudged to do the right thing.

OP, I wish you much strength in the coming days/months to do what you think is right and best for your family.

I've only read OP's posts but - when similar happened to me the police told me I had to go to A&E to get a doctor to examine me in terms if an official record. "Multiple punch injuries", I think it was. Sitting there with two black eyes wasn't fun obviously but as I say it's an official record rather than just a note in the cop's book.

It's going to look and feel a LOT worse over the coming days OP :( I'm so sorry he has done this but if there was ever a last straw then this has to be it

I've just woken up to this.

You have done the right thing. Please go to A&E though.

I know this is the smallest of all possible details for me to focus on, but you CAN get stitches across that part of the nose. I spent all day Tuesday with someone who needed internal and external stitches to that exact place! (Spent all day socially, they'd been stitched the day before.)

You are amazing.

I wish my mother had been so strong. Would have saved us all years of heartbreak and abuse. Sending you love and support....and plenty of hand holding if you need it.

Broken nose, bloody hell! You have been amazing, op. that's such a difficult decision you took.

If it was a friend and this had happened to them, would you advise them to go to A&E?? Because I think you should look after yourself x

Massive hugs from me, you have my total support.

OP I have no experience of DV other than the many threads I've read on here, so I may be talking rubbish. But the recurring theme seems to be that the victims have low self esteem, placing their own value low down the list, beneath everyone else. They worry about how their actions will affect their abuser's job, their kids, the extended family etc, putting their own needs way down the priority list.

Obviously no one can reverse self esteem issues over night, so it's often easier to minimise what happened, try to protect everyone else from the pain of the abuse, and think if they just try really hard and give the abuser a second chance then it will be for the greater good.

So maybe a helpful strategy in this situation would be to turn it on its head, and imagine how you'd act if your husband had punched one of your children in the face instead of you. Imagine it was your 4 year old with a cut nose and black eyes, not you. What would you do then? Because your actions in that situation should be the same as your actions now that you've been punched. You are just as valuable and important as your child. No one would expect a man who punched his child to get any leniency, and the same should apply to a man who punched his wife.

Another one saying you absolutely did the right thing - and we are all acknowledging the strength and courage it took to make that call. Look after yourself, and be kind to yourself xx

Glad you called the police. You have so much strength, it's admirable.

Go to a&e this morning, as in the afternoon you'll get the sports injuries coming in, and by evening it'll be the drunks. It'll be quiet now.

Good Luck.

Hi again Need. Oh what a night you've had....
You've been brilliant and you are absolutely doing the right thing and for the moment I just have two things to say,
Please go and get your nose checked. He has broken your nose. Please. When your friend get there go to a & e. It won't be too busy at this hour. I don't know if you have a dd but what would you say to her, or a friend, if someone broke their nose......

And secondly, please don't worry that the DC will be 'devastated' if you split. They will be more devastated if he hits you again and you hit your head as you go down.....

This isn't the end Need, it's the beginning. A beginning of a new life for you and the DC that doesn't involve copious amounts of alcohol and violence.

Absolutely amazed at your strength OP, well done.
Please get it checked out though, broken noses can be deceptive and it's worth just making sure that nothing else is damaged.
Huge hugs to you xx

Also high fiving the night crew. This is exactly why I love MN!!

Need you have been so, so brave. You are amazing ((hugs))
Sorry I vanished but am in hospital and had early morning treatment so had to leave my phone.

Vicar you are absolutely brilliant. So amazing, everyone who has helped.

Need we will be there as long as you need us.

Well don need you have been amazingly brave.

Please go to a+e and get yourself checked out.

Wow, what an amazing woman you are! I am in awe of your strength and resolve to do the best thing for you and your children. Please look after yourself and I hope things turn out for the best in the long run.

God, definitely get your nose looked at, you don't want it to heal wonky. Can your friend look after the DCs while you go in?

I have just seen this. You have done the right thing in calling the police.

He is likely to be released with conditions, but you may want to give a ring to NCDV 0844 8044 999 to arrange for an emergency injunction. Just in case.

And do go to A&E. You may need treatment. They may be able to reduce the swelling and check for any broken bones. And the evidence will be recorded.

And from someone who's been there, start telling people.
You may have a messed up face, but you can stand proud and say you got rid of the bastard. You are no more to blame than if you were attacked on the street by a drunken stranger.

Your mind will be on the DC now.

You have probably told them about it.
I told my DS that dad had hurt me and it was not safe to be with him.
You don't have to minimise it. Just be factual. And tell them that you won't put up with physical violence, and neither should anyone. That they will see dad when it's safe to do it.

Just another one saying how brave you are. Be truthful with your boss. They need to know in case you need any time off to sort things through.

I would get some money moved over to a separate account so you have something just in case. You can always put it back later.

Get documents together in one place as well for safety. Give your friend a spare set of clothes.

Above all remember that YOU have not done anything to be ashamed of.

PLEASE go to A&E for proper assessment, OP. If you won't put yourself first, please do it for your DC, who need their strong, wise mother safe & well.

You've been through hell & you deserve to be looked after. Let the medics take a look, to be on the safe side. We're with you all the way.

Here to offer another hand op. I think you have been so very brave. Hope you get your face patched up quickly and it doesn't hurt too much. And be kind to yourself today, you have been through a horrible traumatic experience and need to take care of yourself.

Have just read this thread, you have been so brave and thank God for the MN night crew and early birds.

Don't doubt yourself - your H chooses to drink and he shouldn't escape the consequences.

Not meaning to badger you but hope you go to A+E OP. Your friend could have the DCs while you go?