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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

He punched me in the face.

538 replies

NeedAdvice2014 · 12/04/2014 03:35

I don't know if anyone's awake. I am in a bit of a mess, in lots of ways. My H went drinking last night. He has form for being aggressive and nasty when drunk, though never violent towards me before. About a year ago I threatened to end things and he stopped drinking altogether. All of our issues stemmed from his drinking so I gave it another chance.

He started having just one glass - excuses like not making other people feel strange. Then going out when he was staying with friends. Last night he went to a work do, initially he said he would come home for DCs bed time, then that he would go straight from work and come home early. He got back after midnight, O heard him falling around, he went into the spare room.

About 3 he came into our bedroom and got into bed. He lay half on top of me hugging me and put his duvet over us. I was annoyed he had woken me again and said "what are you doing?" He said "I was trying to be nice you fucking cunt". I went to the toilet and when I came back he was across the whole bed and on my pillows. I wanted to go to the spare room and pulled my pillow out from under his head - I did do this quite roughly as I was annoyed. He jumped pit of bed, pushed me across the room and punched me full force in the face. I screamed and said I would call the police and he got back into bed. I could feel lots of blood.

I have a cut on the bridge of my nose which bled a lot, it's still oozing blood now. My nose and forehead are going to be bruised. I am in the spare room and have locked the door, he is quiet.

What the hell am I going to do? Our marriage is over, I am not letting my DCs grow up in a home where this happens. We are supposed to have H's friend and his DC stay tomorrow, I am going to tell him to cancel it. But then what? I think I need to tell him to leave, but I can't afford the house on ky own. What will I say to DCs? And what will I tell anyone, especially work, about the state of my face? I feel in shock.

OP posts:
RedFocus · 12/04/2014 08:07

Oh op how bloody awful for you and your dc's. You have done the right thing of course. I would have done exactly the same in your shoes. Now that he is out of the house you can sort yourself out. How's your nose doing? Do you think it needs medical attention? Could be broken and need stitches. I hope your friend is very supportive and you get some rest. Thanks

RedFocus · 12/04/2014 08:08

(((((((Huge hugs)))))))

RollerCola · 12/04/2014 08:09

I think that as the mn audience starts to wake up this morning, those 100 friends that have been supporting you through the night will swell to 500 or even more. Have you got room in your kitchen? Shall we bring some more chairs? Grin

Well done op. I think I speak for everyone when I say you have absolutely done the right thing. Don't doubt it for one minute.

makescakeswhenstressed · 12/04/2014 08:11

Day shift checking in for hand holding duties.
I'm sure, as soon as your friend sees your face, that she'll agree with us that you've done absolutely the right thing x

JoshandJamie · 12/04/2014 08:13

I woke up this morning and was annoyed that my husband hadn't washed the dishes from the night before. Kind of puts it in perspective when you read this.

OP - I am sure you're about to go on a rollercoaster of a journey but you have been mega strong so far and should feel immensely proud of doing the right thing in looking after yourself and your children. It doesn't matter if your husband has never done this before - under the influence or not - he did it. Hang in there. xx

TossedSaladsAndScrambledEggs · 12/04/2014 08:14

Please go and see someone, two black eyes and a bleeding nose is not good at all, the bruising is essentially from blood collecting around the eye sockets and I really wouldn't be surprised if you have fractured your nose or another of your facial bones.

The severity of your injuries shows this wasn't just a drunken random lash out (not that that is acceptable). In that moment he really intended to do you some damage. Yes he was drunk, but do you trust him to never get drunk again? The next time he gets drunk it could be even worse and god forbid what could happen.

Never, ever doubt you have done the right thing. I am sure as soon as your friend sees your face she will agree you have, and if she doesn't then she is deluded!

Stay strong op, and please get someone to look at your face! A&E will be best as I suspect you will need scans/X-rays to check for fractures - they won't be able to do that at WIC or minor injuries. And make sure you take pics before leaving as they may apply dressing etc.

Atbeckandcall · 12/04/2014 08:15

Just wanting to tell you that you've absolutely done the right thing. You are being brave and putting yours abc dc's needs before worrying about your DH. If anyone dares to question whether or not you've done the right thing, they don't deserve to have you around.

Don't worry about the consequences the arrest will have on your DH, that's his issue to sort, not yours.

Sending you lots of hugs and will be here too if needed.

Vicar, you're bloody marvellous btw.

NeedAdvice2014 · 12/04/2014 08:17

Thank you again. I gave a statement and police have gone though DV unit come later. Phoned H's friend and cancelled, I said H was ill. DCs dressed and having cornflakes and friend on her way round. To be fair on her she had just been woken up (no DCs) so was a bit blindsided. I will ask her to photograph my face. The police officer said my nose is broken and it's not possible to stitch the bridge of the nose though A and E would glue it if needed. Will see how it goes.

H won't be interviewed until he is sober enough so won't be released until late afternoon. His wallet keys and phone are all here. If he is Cautioned then that's finished and he can come back, if it is sent to court he is bailed and I can ask he doesn't come here. I don't know what I want at the moment, I want to know how he is about all of this - remorseful, angry or what.

I can't think about my marriage right now. I meed to think what to do about work tomorrow and what to say to anyone outside about my face. I need to get through the day with my DCs.

Thank you so much to everyone who was there for me in the night, and all your support this morning.

OP posts:
KepekCrumbs · 12/04/2014 08:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TossedSaladsAndScrambledEggs · 12/04/2014 08:22

And fwiw if you go to. A&e nowish, before all the rugby and footie injuries come in, you should get seen fairly quickly.

You could always dress in a rugby kit so you feel less conspicuous in the waiting area! Wink

But tell the drs/nurse the truth of course, their reaction to it will tell you you gave done the right thing, and you have it there on record, you have had to go to hospital because you have been beaten by you partner. Can you not see how awful it is and how he deserves everything he gets? If I ever hit someone so hard I gave them two black eyes and a bloody nose, and would expect to feel the full force of the law, so why should he be any different?

More hugs. You are amazing, and don't deserve all this.

Offred · 12/04/2014 08:24

I think you just need to front it out at work tbh, tell the truth. You don't have anything to be ashamed of or cover up (unless you have voices telling you still to protect h - don't listen to them). Tell people matter of factly just exactly what happened and don't be ashamed - you can't hide your face so I don't see what else you can do really. X

elQuintoConyo · 12/04/2014 08:25

A big (((hug))) from over here.

You have absolutely done the right thing - for you AND your children.

Things will be up in the air for a long while, but it will settle and you will be able to start afresh, without fear.

X

BuzzardBird · 12/04/2014 08:26

Just read all of this. I am so sorry this is happening to your family. I hope you are going to hospital when your friend gets there? Vicars advise was brilliant wasn't it? Well done you on being strong enough to break that cycle. Pity our mothers didn't have Mn there would be less shit for us to sort out now. Big hugs and support to you and your dcs.

Offred · 12/04/2014 08:27

I don't think you should decide based on whether he seems remorseful - they all seem remorseful and you've already been on that roller coaster once and he's fucked it up.

He's punched you right in the face and broken your nose. You can't take him back after that can you?

BuzzardBird · 12/04/2014 08:27

I agree with offred about telling the truth. Hiding it is what they used to do, that is why people are still going through it partly.

NeedAdvice2014 · 12/04/2014 08:28

I think unless it gets hard to breathe there's not much point going to A and E, broken noses just have to heal themselves and the cut has clotted over. All very sore though.

I'm not there with seeing he should get what he deserves Tossed - I'm used to caring about him and I think when he knows what he's done he will feel terrible. I don't think a relationship can come back from this though I am dreading the impact on DCs if we split.

OP posts:
FabULouse · 12/04/2014 08:29

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Ilovexmastime · 12/04/2014 08:29

Just read the full thread and wanted to say well done, you're being very brave. As for what to tell people about your face, I would hold your head high and tell them the truth - you have done nothing wrong!

BuzzardBird · 12/04/2014 08:30

What if it needs re setting?

BoreOfWhabylon · 12/04/2014 08:30

Well done OP. You have absolutely done the right thing. Well done to the MNers who have supported and advised you overnight and extra-special well done to the wonderful Vicar, who has once again come up trumps.

As others have said, you really do need to get your injuries examined in A&E today, not least for documentation, but mainly because it sounds very likely that you have fractured your nose. If the cut is overlying the fracture then this means it is a compound fracture, which is more prone to complications if left untreated.

Hugs from me too. This too shall pass and all shall be well.

elQuintoConyo · 12/04/2014 08:31

He broke your nose? HE BROKE YOUR NOSE!

Please, Need get as much rl support as you can. Calling your friend over was a great step.

X

LavenderGreen14 · 12/04/2014 08:32

Can you take steps to get an injunction - I really hope you can see that him coming back will risk the safety of you and your children. I also think you need medical attention - plus it is another record of what he has done to you. Don't forget you also have a duty to protect your children from harm - sorry to say that, but you know what I mean.

Please don't let him back.

BuzzardBird · 12/04/2014 08:32

And a blow to the head is always serious. I would be safe rather than sorry when you have dcs that need you.

FabULouse · 12/04/2014 08:32

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sebsmummy1 · 12/04/2014 08:33

Please go to A&E to get your nose seen to. I'm not sure that's accurate that if it's broken there is nothing they can do. I would want done professional advice on that.

As for what you can say re. your injury at work, I have no idea! I would really struggle to lie and come up with a big back story, but the truth may make you the subject of gossip. I think this is a lose lose situation Sad

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