Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

He punched me in the face.

538 replies

NeedAdvice2014 · 12/04/2014 03:35

I don't know if anyone's awake. I am in a bit of a mess, in lots of ways. My H went drinking last night. He has form for being aggressive and nasty when drunk, though never violent towards me before. About a year ago I threatened to end things and he stopped drinking altogether. All of our issues stemmed from his drinking so I gave it another chance.

He started having just one glass - excuses like not making other people feel strange. Then going out when he was staying with friends. Last night he went to a work do, initially he said he would come home for DCs bed time, then that he would go straight from work and come home early. He got back after midnight, O heard him falling around, he went into the spare room.

About 3 he came into our bedroom and got into bed. He lay half on top of me hugging me and put his duvet over us. I was annoyed he had woken me again and said "what are you doing?" He said "I was trying to be nice you fucking cunt". I went to the toilet and when I came back he was across the whole bed and on my pillows. I wanted to go to the spare room and pulled my pillow out from under his head - I did do this quite roughly as I was annoyed. He jumped pit of bed, pushed me across the room and punched me full force in the face. I screamed and said I would call the police and he got back into bed. I could feel lots of blood.

I have a cut on the bridge of my nose which bled a lot, it's still oozing blood now. My nose and forehead are going to be bruised. I am in the spare room and have locked the door, he is quiet.

What the hell am I going to do? Our marriage is over, I am not letting my DCs grow up in a home where this happens. We are supposed to have H's friend and his DC stay tomorrow, I am going to tell him to cancel it. But then what? I think I need to tell him to leave, but I can't afford the house on ky own. What will I say to DCs? And what will I tell anyone, especially work, about the state of my face? I feel in shock.

OP posts:
Original poster
NeedAdvice2014 · 12/04/2014 07:37

So he has been arrested and the officer said it's unlikely he will be sober enough to be questioned for a while. The police officer has gone to get some milk - none in for DCs breakfasts and my eyes are going black and the cut on my nose still bleeding. They are very nice. I have given a statement. I rang my friend and she's coming over. I asked if she thought I had done the right thing and she said we'll talk later. I really don't know if I have, or what to think.

OP posts:
Katekate77 · 12/04/2014 07:38

I've just woken up and read this thread all the way through, and I just want to say I'm so, so proud of you! Your children are lucky to have you, and all of your lives will be much better without him.

I can't imagine how scared you are but without a shadow of a doubt, you have done the right thing. Talk to the kids and have a lazy day with them, order pizza and watch your favourite films. They will learn from this, that their mum is brave and strong and that violence is not to be stood for. Sending big hugs x

Original poster
NeedAdvice2014 · 12/04/2014 07:40

Thank you again to everyone. Vicar you were great, have a good rest. I will check in when I can, please keep supporting me. I am visualising the 100 Mumsnetters hug!

OP posts:
LarryAdler · 12/04/2014 07:40

Well done OP. Don't doubt yourself. You have absolutely done the right thing and you have shown true courage.

Footle · 12/04/2014 07:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Uptheanty · 12/04/2014 07:45

need

You have definately done the right thing. No matter what happens don't ever doubt that. You have changed the course of your life forever by taking action. What would the alternitive be? To continue in the same vein, hiding the bruises, lying to everyone while tolerating escalating violence?

What will be really telling will be how your dh will react when he sobers up.
Will he finally take responsibility and seek help? Will he be more angry & blame you? If it is the latter then you have done your best & you should walk away head held high.

Thanks
KeatsiePie · 12/04/2014 07:45

Of course you have done the right thing. Please, please don't let yourself think otherwise. I'm very glad the police were so helpful.

I'm going to bed now, I hope you can have a restful day. So glad so many MNers are here.

You really have done the right thing. Please don't forget it. This was the only choice that would keep you and your children safe. The only choice. You were very brave to make that choice Thanks

imblet · 12/04/2014 07:45

Yes, yes, yes you have done the right thing. You have protected yourself and your children. It has been a horrible night and one you won't forget but you have been so strong and brave. Get your face checked out as soon as you can and accept every piece of help and support you are offered.

Abbykins1 · 12/04/2014 07:46

Needadvice,my heart goes out to you.

This is mumsnet at it's best.

xxxxx

Offred · 12/04/2014 07:46

Just seen this and adding my support. Well done for reporting and well done vicar for your support with doing that.

ColdTeaAgain · 12/04/2014 07:47

Hi OP, just read this thread...so sorry that your husband has treated you like this, it is truly appalling. You have done the right thing. Just be open and honest with the police they will understand that it took you a while to find the courage to call them. You were in shock after all.

I think you are being incredibly brave. As others have said, just worry about yourself and your DC. There is no shame in what has happened to you.

Southsearocks · 12/04/2014 07:49

You'll have a lot of reading to do when you make it back here but I just want to add my support. You can't go on living with a violent drunk (have some experience of that too) and you certainly can't bring your children up in that environment.

In a while (days, weeks, months) you will be able to see with a clear perspective and you will feel relieved that you've taken these steps. Stay strong and know that you are getting excellent advice from people who care for your wellbeing Brew

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 12/04/2014 07:49

OP, you have done the right thing. Your friend isn't in your relationship - you are. Your friend wasnt hit - you were. Your friend doesn't have your two kids to protect - you do. So if she thinks you've not done the right thing, she's wrong. The only person who has done the wrong thing here is your husband.

tillyann2013 · 12/04/2014 07:50

Here's another hug. You've done amazingly well op, hope you get some rest today.

januarycat · 12/04/2014 07:50

You have so done the right thing
Sending hugs, tea & toast. Hope your friend is supportive.

Looiloo79 · 12/04/2014 07:50

Well done op. You have done the right thing even though you will have mixed feelings about it now.

Similar happened to me a few years ago - alcohol induced violence and I reported to the police.

They are fantastic at dealing with these Crimes and you will be supported immensely. Victim support were great too. Don't suffer in silence.

Hope you are ok. Big hugs. Xx

Madamecastafiore · 12/04/2014 07:51

Sending you a big hug. You have done the right thing.

Remember the moment he hit you he was the one who chose to involve the police. He cannot hide behind his job, if anything he should have been more measured in his actions because of it.

PotteringAlong · 12/04/2014 07:55

You have absolutely done the right thing.

In 20 years time, if someone did the same to your daughter, what would you tell her to do? It would be to report and to leave.

You are Wonder Woman, and an awesome example of strength and doing the right thing to your children. Thanks

AllThatGlistens · 12/04/2014 07:56

Just read this through now.

You've absolutely done the right thing, truly you have. You're so brave, and this will teach your children and reinforce to yourself that no one should ever have to live in fear.

I know your head is spinning, and family and friends will be shocked and may not say anything helpful at first whilst the process it but you are doing the right thing. Without question.

Another hand to hold Flowers

Deathwatchbeetle · 12/04/2014 07:56

I thinkyou do need to go to a hospital or GP. Then the assualt is on record (as well as with the police). Maybe the friend can take you. I doubt if your friend would say you did the wrong thing. S/he will be supportive, I am sure.

Don't even think of feeling sorry for him. His drinking would probably affet his job further down the line. Your children would have suffered too - directly or indirectly.

Well done. Brave decision.

LottieJenkins · 12/04/2014 07:56

Sending you huge hugs OP. You have been very brave!!

SheerWill · 12/04/2014 07:58

Well done for being the strong woman your dc needed you to be when they needed you most. What the bastard did to you is totally unacceptable. You wouldn't allow a stranger to come up and punch you and this is no different. He deserves to feel the full consequences of what he has done and you deserve a happy future with your dc, free from fear and pain. All my thoughts will be with you today xxx

Fairylea · 12/04/2014 07:59

You did the right thing. Make sure you take some photos of the injuries if you haven't already done this (not sure if I missed someone saying this) and ensure they have the date and time on them somehow (send them to yourself in an email if necessary to do this). Then you will have documented evidence for your own use should you need it in the future.

Longtalljosie · 12/04/2014 07:59

Do you need a doctor?

SheerWill · 12/04/2014 08:01

Also, I know this might be hard but take a photo of your face. I know it's the last thing you want to so right now, but it's evidence for yourself. When you doubt whether what you're doing is the right thing you can see what he did to you and remind yourself.