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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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He punched me in the face.

538 replies

NeedAdvice2014 · 12/04/2014 03:35

I don't know if anyone's awake. I am in a bit of a mess, in lots of ways. My H went drinking last night. He has form for being aggressive and nasty when drunk, though never violent towards me before. About a year ago I threatened to end things and he stopped drinking altogether. All of our issues stemmed from his drinking so I gave it another chance.

He started having just one glass - excuses like not making other people feel strange. Then going out when he was staying with friends. Last night he went to a work do, initially he said he would come home for DCs bed time, then that he would go straight from work and come home early. He got back after midnight, O heard him falling around, he went into the spare room.

About 3 he came into our bedroom and got into bed. He lay half on top of me hugging me and put his duvet over us. I was annoyed he had woken me again and said "what are you doing?" He said "I was trying to be nice you fucking cunt". I went to the toilet and when I came back he was across the whole bed and on my pillows. I wanted to go to the spare room and pulled my pillow out from under his head - I did do this quite roughly as I was annoyed. He jumped pit of bed, pushed me across the room and punched me full force in the face. I screamed and said I would call the police and he got back into bed. I could feel lots of blood.

I have a cut on the bridge of my nose which bled a lot, it's still oozing blood now. My nose and forehead are going to be bruised. I am in the spare room and have locked the door, he is quiet.

What the hell am I going to do? Our marriage is over, I am not letting my DCs grow up in a home where this happens. We are supposed to have H's friend and his DC stay tomorrow, I am going to tell him to cancel it. But then what? I think I need to tell him to leave, but I can't afford the house on ky own. What will I say to DCs? And what will I tell anyone, especially work, about the state of my face? I feel in shock.

OP posts:
BumWad · 12/04/2014 13:47

Fuck off Barbara.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 12/04/2014 13:49

Barbara you are a dick.
OP you are not at fault.

itiswhatitiswhatitis · 12/04/2014 13:50

Bringbacksideburns is right let's not turn a support thread into a platform for trolls

randomAXEofkindness · 12/04/2014 13:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn.

WeAreDetective · 12/04/2014 13:54

Report and move on people.

bluebayou · 12/04/2014 13:56

So very sorry to hear of this , 2 things , if he"s done it once he will do it again , whatever he says. What would you tell your best friend to do in the same circs?
Sad for you x

bluebayou · 12/04/2014 14:00

To say a thing like that Barbara is just soo terrible, how could you , must be a bit nuts .
What a very sad , twisted person you must be , to be greatly pitied really.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 12/04/2014 14:04

Vicar said she'd be back later she probably knows what generally constitutes an offence that merits a caution. Being ignorant of the protocol I only hope OP is safe.

Need am relieved you are going to get yourself checked over.

So glad your rl friend has been there for you.

tribpot · 12/04/2014 14:07

Glad you're going to hospital, OP. Keep yourself safe.

CleverWittyUsername · 12/04/2014 14:07

Need I am so glad you are going to get checked over. I feel for you so much. Keep strong and know you have done the right thing. For you and your children. You are being so strong.

I am newish so not sure if it's right or not, but I reported that awful comment Barbara put up. Victim blaming is disgusting. The OP needs support not someone messing with her head. Whoever you are, Barbara, you should be ashamed.

CadleCrap · 12/04/2014 14:07

Please ignore what Barbara has spewed as it will be removed soon.

Report and don't feed the dickheads

NCISaddict · 12/04/2014 14:16

I've have removed a pillow from under my DH's head fairly roughly on occasion when he has been drunk and snoring and guess what? he hasn't thumped me because he's not a violent person.

OP this was not your fault in any shape or form. Please listen to all the decent sensible people who are posting.

anyoneplease · 12/04/2014 14:16

Well done OP. Wish you all the very best for next few days. You rock Smile

NearTheWindymill · 12/04/2014 14:20

Good luck OP. You deserve it. It will all work out even if the house has to be sold. Hope you have rl support.

Catmint · 12/04/2014 14:27

Well done OP, you are very brave.

Thoughts are with you.

Well done night shift and Vicar.

TheSmallPrint · 12/04/2014 14:37

OP what a horrible night for you, I hope you are down at A&E getting your nose seen to. Thinking of you.

SauvignonBlanche · 12/04/2014 14:41

Sorry you've had such a horrible experience, I'm glad you're going to A&E.
Flowers for you and Vicar.

KateSMumsnet · 12/04/2014 14:42

Sorry about that disruption, we've dealt with that poster now. Wishing you the very best OP Flowers

ThatVikRinA22 · 12/04/2014 14:42

who the actual fuck has authorised a caution for a broken nose?????? no no no no no!

this is wrong.

ALL dv cases should go to CPS for charging decision - the CPS would absolutely NOT authorise a caution for a broken nose - its ABH for gods sake!

i wouldnt accept that.

he wont get bail conditions either if he gets a caution.

need i hope you get this before its too late.

ThatVikRinA22 · 12/04/2014 14:44

op im gonna pm you.

NearTheWindymill · 12/04/2014 14:50

Apologies for minor derail here.

Vicar it is absolutely brilliant you are back at work. Wherever you live the people you protect are very very lucky to have you.

OP - just do what Vicar says please.

ThatVikRinA22 · 12/04/2014 15:02

op i pm 'd you.

you have some sway in how this is dealt with. If you have asked for them to go easy on him then that might explain it, but i think a caution a bit too easy....

its not classed as a conviction which is why im wondering if this is about his job....

are you happy with that outcome?

Lweji · 12/04/2014 15:04

As an outcome, a caution may not be so bad.
You didn't want him to lose his job. And he was drunk, and he may well have confirmed what happened.

Is it right that while convictions are erased from a criminal record after a while, cautions are not? If so, it is possible that a caution is the best option here, particularly if they thought there was a low probability of a conviction. Particularly if the likely outcome of a conviction would be a suspended sentence.
But see what Vicarina says.

See how he reacts when you tell him to stay away. If he doesn't, then arrange for an injunction and a residency order.

MrsKCastle · 12/04/2014 15:13

OP I have just read the whole thread. You absolutely HAVE done the right thing, and you are in no way to blame. Don't doubt yourself or let anyone tell you otherwise.

I hope that you don't have to see your H today- it's shocking that he could be allowed to go straight back home. Can you tell the police that you won't feel safe with him in the house tonight?

WitchWay · 12/04/2014 15:15

Sounds like Vicar has a plan

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