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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

He punched me in the face.

538 replies

NeedAdvice2014 · 12/04/2014 03:35

I don't know if anyone's awake. I am in a bit of a mess, in lots of ways. My H went drinking last night. He has form for being aggressive and nasty when drunk, though never violent towards me before. About a year ago I threatened to end things and he stopped drinking altogether. All of our issues stemmed from his drinking so I gave it another chance.

He started having just one glass - excuses like not making other people feel strange. Then going out when he was staying with friends. Last night he went to a work do, initially he said he would come home for DCs bed time, then that he would go straight from work and come home early. He got back after midnight, O heard him falling around, he went into the spare room.

About 3 he came into our bedroom and got into bed. He lay half on top of me hugging me and put his duvet over us. I was annoyed he had woken me again and said "what are you doing?" He said "I was trying to be nice you fucking cunt". I went to the toilet and when I came back he was across the whole bed and on my pillows. I wanted to go to the spare room and pulled my pillow out from under his head - I did do this quite roughly as I was annoyed. He jumped pit of bed, pushed me across the room and punched me full force in the face. I screamed and said I would call the police and he got back into bed. I could feel lots of blood.

I have a cut on the bridge of my nose which bled a lot, it's still oozing blood now. My nose and forehead are going to be bruised. I am in the spare room and have locked the door, he is quiet.

What the hell am I going to do? Our marriage is over, I am not letting my DCs grow up in a home where this happens. We are supposed to have H's friend and his DC stay tomorrow, I am going to tell him to cancel it. But then what? I think I need to tell him to leave, but I can't afford the house on ky own. What will I say to DCs? And what will I tell anyone, especially work, about the state of my face? I feel in shock.

OP posts:
LavenderGreen14 · 12/04/2014 11:57

I am shocked and saddened he is only having a caution. If the police took these crimes more seriously I am sure more women would take action.

I really hope he stays away from you and the children OP.

Can you call WA for advice too btw?

CatThiefKeith · 12/04/2014 12:01

Just caught up with the thread op, you have been so strong, well done for putting your dc first, hope you are now on your way to A&E. Stay strong. Flowers

And Flowers for Vicar too, a fantastic source of calm level headed advice as ever! Grin

MadameJosephine · 12/04/2014 12:11

Well done OP, you have absolutely done the right thing. Thinking of you and your family and wishing you strength in this difficult time Thanks

Absolutely staggered that this behaviour only warrants a caution though, if he'd thumped a stranger in the street and caused actual bodily harm I'm sure he would have been charged!

Cheerymum · 12/04/2014 12:23

Another supportive voice here. Bravo, you deserve a medal and you are doing exactly the right things for your children and yourself. Good on you for creating time to get to A&E, and enlisting RL support.
And if you have spells of self doubt, even if your husband is lovely 99% of the time (and it doesn't sound like he is) there is NO place for this behaviour at all and the kindest thing you can so for him is to force him to face up to his alcohol problem, which you are doing. Hold your course. Big hugs.

IUsedToUseMyHands · 12/04/2014 12:48

Well done OP you did exactly the right thing. I don't think it really matters what the punishment is; the important thing is there's a record of his violent behaviour and that will give you and the DC some protection for the future if you need it. There might come a point where you two are separated and he wants unsupervised contact; you don't want to be in the position of having genuine concerns about them witnessing violence in his household but having no evidence to back them up.

Barbara9755 · 12/04/2014 13:23

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Offred · 12/04/2014 13:25

WTAF Barbara? Taking a pillow from someone goads them into breaking your nose?!

I pulled the pillow roughly out from under my sleeping bf the other day, he woke up and said sorry!

itiswhatitiswhatitis · 12/04/2014 13:25

Oh fuck off is she responsible what kind of fucked up logic is that?

Offred · 12/04/2014 13:28

Taking a pillow out from under a sleeping drunk shouldn't provoke a violent reaction. Why wasn't he sorry for waking her up and then passing out across the bed she was sleeping in?

Basically you're saying violent drunks shouldn't be held responsible for their unreasonable reactions and their partners should tread on eggshells to avoid being smacked otherwise they are responsible for being hit.

Treaclepot · 12/04/2014 13:29

Ignore 'Barbara' who is more likely to be called Barry, with his very interesting 2 posts Hmm

MadameJosephine · 12/04/2014 13:29

barbara what a load of absolute bollocks. OP is in no way responsible for her husbands behaviour!

TossedSaladsAndScrambledEggs · 12/04/2014 13:30

The op's dh woke her up by climbing on top of her before the incident. Would she have been justified in walloping him one? Of course not.

Tbh calling her a "cunt" before the actual violence would have been enough for me to ltb.

itiswhatitiswhatitis · 12/04/2014 13:33

I suspect Barbara is also a man. Surely women don't say things like "stay strong sister"

Barbara9755 · 12/04/2014 13:37

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Offred · 12/04/2014 13:38

Are you entitled to voice a victim blaming opinion without any logical basis without being criticised?

Footle · 12/04/2014 13:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WeAreDetective · 12/04/2014 13:39

Horrified?!

You are easily offended Grin

itiswhatitiswhatitis · 12/04/2014 13:39

If you post a twat's opinion then you can expect to be treated like a twat.

Offred · 12/04/2014 13:39

Criticism/suspicion isn't the same thing as abuse btw but an interesting perspective on what abuse is given you just blamed a woman for being violently abused by her partner.

schlurplethepurple · 12/04/2014 13:39

Barbara how DARE you say that to the OP. You should be ashamed of yourself. What a cunty thing to say. People with your kind of attitude are repellent.

OP well done for being so brave and strong. Definately go to A&E and Vicar...you rock.

WeAreDetective · 12/04/2014 13:40

There is never justification for punching someone in the face

LavenderGreen14 · 12/04/2014 13:41

so disagreeing with Barbera is abuse but thumping your wife in the face isn't - what type of twisted logic is that?

Hope you are ok OP and have seen someone at A&E

AllThatGlistens · 12/04/2014 13:42

Crawl back under your rock Barbara, the OP doesn't need to read that kind of bullshit.

bringbacksideburns · 12/04/2014 13:42

Lets not get sidetracked by someone people!

This thread is for support for the OP.

Thinking of you Need and hope you get lots of support. You definitely did the right thing in reporting this.

DorothyBastard · 12/04/2014 13:44

You are being strong and brave, OP. You're doing the right thing for your whole family.