Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

He punched me in the face.

538 replies

NeedAdvice2014 · 12/04/2014 03:35

I don't know if anyone's awake. I am in a bit of a mess, in lots of ways. My H went drinking last night. He has form for being aggressive and nasty when drunk, though never violent towards me before. About a year ago I threatened to end things and he stopped drinking altogether. All of our issues stemmed from his drinking so I gave it another chance.

He started having just one glass - excuses like not making other people feel strange. Then going out when he was staying with friends. Last night he went to a work do, initially he said he would come home for DCs bed time, then that he would go straight from work and come home early. He got back after midnight, O heard him falling around, he went into the spare room.

About 3 he came into our bedroom and got into bed. He lay half on top of me hugging me and put his duvet over us. I was annoyed he had woken me again and said "what are you doing?" He said "I was trying to be nice you fucking cunt". I went to the toilet and when I came back he was across the whole bed and on my pillows. I wanted to go to the spare room and pulled my pillow out from under his head - I did do this quite roughly as I was annoyed. He jumped pit of bed, pushed me across the room and punched me full force in the face. I screamed and said I would call the police and he got back into bed. I could feel lots of blood.

I have a cut on the bridge of my nose which bled a lot, it's still oozing blood now. My nose and forehead are going to be bruised. I am in the spare room and have locked the door, he is quiet.

What the hell am I going to do? Our marriage is over, I am not letting my DCs grow up in a home where this happens. We are supposed to have H's friend and his DC stay tomorrow, I am going to tell him to cancel it. But then what? I think I need to tell him to leave, but I can't afford the house on ky own. What will I say to DCs? And what will I tell anyone, especially work, about the state of my face? I feel in shock.

OP posts:
Wenchelda · 12/04/2014 11:13

Glad your friend is being supportive and that you are going to a&e later. I hope things are ok (as much as they can be in this situation) if you have to see your H later.

baxterstockman · 12/04/2014 11:13

I would be very surprised if he was cautioned for breaking your nose. I work with DV offenders who have been convicted and sentenced to Probation for much 'lesser' offences.

I would actually be quite angry on your behalf if he is not sent to Court for this.

GingerBlondecat · 12/04/2014 11:13

Ive reported my Pics, above as Ive coppied the wrong one. exta sory and more ((((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))

pausingforbreath · 12/04/2014 11:14

Need-
You're not just a DV thread. I said that; I apologise.

You're someone who is awesome.
With an awesome friend to boot - how amazing is she.
Glad you have a richly deserved support network to help you.

GingerBlondecat · 12/04/2014 11:16

But................ he broke your face? How would he get off with a caution?

I dont understand. Unless its because its reported as his first offence. (in reality, its not his first, really)

Givesyouhell · 12/04/2014 11:16

You have so done the right thing. Absolutely.

Someone told me, 'you know where you are with a dog that never bites. You know where you are with a dog that always bites and can keep yourself safe. The most dangerous dogs are the ones that sometimes bite'. It made sense to me at the time regarding a bad relationship I was getting out of.

OxfordBags · 12/04/2014 11:16

I'm so glad you are going to get your nose looked at. Nice work, OP.

It must be horrible have to have a DV thread. But how much more horrible would it be to have a DV thread where you make excuses for your abuser and stay with him, ensuring future abuse for you and lifelong emotional damage for your DC...

NCISaddict · 12/04/2014 11:17

Been lurking on this thread, please go to A&E to get your nose checked, it will need to be re sited if it is displaced as it can cause problems in the future if it is left to heal in the wrong place.
I broke my nose last year face-planting the tarmac and they had to check that the inside was ok, they also glued and steristriped the cut.

Well done on reporting it, I can't begin to imagine how hard this is for you, hope you have good RL support as well as all the lovely and expert MN help.

Inertia · 12/04/2014 11:17

So relieved that you have made plans to go to A&E.

Can the police not arrange for your husband to stay away from you and the house? Surely he cannot be freed to just waltz back in?

sebsmummy1 · 12/04/2014 11:20

I don't know how he is going to even look at you when he comes home knowing he inflicted your injuries let alone expect to continue as you were. I'm sure he will feel immense shame.

GingerBlondecat · 12/04/2014 11:21

They might need your hospital report to be able to actually Charge him.

PringleLicker · 12/04/2014 11:36

Also sending hugs OP . You have been incredibly brave. Glad you are going to A&E. Hope there is no further hidden physical damage.

Remember you are the victim of an unprovoked violent nasty attack by a drunken bully. The fact that you are married to him is secondary.

You have already shown yourself to be brave and strong so far. Thanks

Itsfab · 12/04/2014 11:37

What does someone have to do to get arrested? ShockAngry.

PringleLicker · 12/04/2014 11:38

Pleased that you have RL support now too.
You are doing all the right things.

heyday · 12/04/2014 11:39

My teenage daughter went through 2 years of intimidation and DV from her boyfriend who was the father of her young baby. I saw her confidence and self esteem plummet. After he attacked her for the 5th time she finally agreed to the police prosecuting him. She took out an injunction against him and re built her life to become a strong, confident young woman again. It was so so hard though I won't deny that and social services treated her like she was the guilty party. It's fantastic and amazing to read all the wonderful support you have had here but please get some professional advice and support from the experts as they know the legalities re police, social services, injunctions, housing, benefits and can help you to make a decision about the way to proceed as the road ahead will not be easy at all. Make sure you keep any photos, crime numbers, police reports etc as you may well need them one day. Good luck and stay strong.

Quinteszilla · 12/04/2014 11:39

Can you tell the inspector that you are too scared to accept him home, and if they can accompany him to pick up some things so he can go elsewhere??

Offred · 12/04/2014 11:39

I imagine he's getting a caution because it's a first offence and your statement maybe came across as not wanting him to be prosecuted/lose his job so to the cps it maybe looked as though it would be unproductive to prosecute him.

Don't minimise it in your mind though. I'm glad you are going to a&e for some proper treatment though.

Have you seen the dv unit?

Meerka · 12/04/2014 11:42

well done, need. You've done the right thihg. Hope the A and E goes well.

Flowers
Foodylicious · 12/04/2014 11:45

Another offer of hugs ans support here. You have done amazingly well. Hope it goes well at A&E. have you let the police/DV unit know you are going to A&E? can that change the caution into a charge? he has caused actual harm.

enriquetheringbearinglizard · 12/04/2014 11:47

Another word of support to add to all the excellent advice already given.

Need
I second getting a professional opinion about your nose, you don't want problems storing up for the future due to neglect at the outset.

Please remember none of this is your doing, you are the victim of a violent assault and nobody should ever have to suffer that.
As well as caring for your DC make sure to love yourself too.

These are the darkest times, but you will come through this and not have to be in fear of the same or worse happening again Thanks

borisgudanov · 12/04/2014 11:49

A caution? It was fucking ABH. First offence or not he deserves to be strung up by the bollocks.

But in that case at least get a non-molestation order or whatever you need to keep the bastard the fuck away.

Angry
iwasyoungonce · 12/04/2014 11:54

I cannot believe someone can get off with a caution after breaking somebody's nose in a completely unprovoked attack in their own home. That is absolutely fucking outrageous.

Please get this man out of your life. It was you this time. The woman he is supposed to love. It could be the children next.

Offred · 12/04/2014 11:54

Well technically he could have been charged with anything up to gbh because he broke the skin/bones. They will be concerned about wasting resources going to court if there are no witnesses willing to testify and no medical evidence.

Offred · 12/04/2014 11:56

I imagine anyway. If the op made a statement saying she wanted him prosecuted then I would complain tbh.

mammadiggingdeep · 12/04/2014 11:56

Just read the thread op.

You're amazing. Stay strong. Get through today. Then deal with things one at a time.

Flowers

I agree- cannot believe he got a caution. Surely he should be charged?!

Swipe left for the next trending thread