The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Springing Into Spring Like Super Spingy Springs On A Springy Day!

[Mouseface]

Hello everyone, I'm Mouse :)

Welcome to the Bus, Gerald. Of course it's an imaginary Bus, and we're all aware of that, but we've been on this Bus for a bloomin' long time now so this place kinda feels like home.

See, the thing is, we're a mix of drinkers, non drinkers, total abstainers, and also posters that are or have been, somewhere in between, around the block and back again!

There are no hard and fast rules here, just No judging, No bitching about others and most certainly No expectations of YOURSELF.

No-one can say what will or will not happen whilst you're posting here. You just have to take the ride, One Day At A Time.

There are two sayings that we have painted down either side of the Bus :-

1. • The Vulnerable Need Our Support, Not Our Judgement
2. • Alcohol Fosters Inertia

You've started to read this thread for a reason, and you'll either carry on and maybe Name Change (or not) and post, walk away, or realise that this is all about YOU, cry for a bit, and then come and take a seat :)

For those who would like a bit of our almost 4 year history, have a read of THIS TRULY INSPIRING THREAD

- AND THIS IS OUR PREVIOUS THREAD TO THIS ONE

We're not a quiche or a clicky group, four years is a long time and longer when you're pissed for some of it, so whilst the threads may look 'clicky', I can promise you, it's just that we all 'know' one another because we've been here for a bit but you'll soon get to know us all, who loves what (CHEEEEEEEESE), but we were all 'new posters' at one time, weren't we? :)

It's by the skin of my teeth tonight. Dh and I had a bicker, I began feeling all woe is me and then felt the 'fuck it' switch. What am I doing it for anyway and I don't care sort of thoughts. I had a few things to do first and during that time I kept having the nagging (and annoying) knowledge that I would be so annoyed with myself tomorrow.

When did drinking/not drinking become such a mental battle. . The idea of deciding in a carefree way about having an alcoholic drink seems so alien to me these days, it's all bartering, delaying, justifying, resigning myself.

I have no doubt that the bus helped me stay on track tonight, just having somewhere to vent and report in. It matters. I appreciate you all.

Take care everyone, oh and Im I think you are fab.

Well done beaches. I'm delighted this morning to wake up feeling 100% fine. No guilt, no foggy brain, nothing but pleasant thoughts.
xx

Thanks Soc. I plan to be you tomorrow morning . Some of that fog free morning brain sounds good.

Beaches that's what I find so hard about drinking these days, the mental battle. Years ago I would drink or not drink - usually not - without all this angst. For all the ww is quieter since joining this thread I can't let my guard down. It still feels like drinking is my default setting :(

So I had some wine last night, and will be drinking tonight. We have some people coming over but I don't think it'll be a big drinking night. Next week h is away so it should be easier for me to refocus, I know I should not drink when I'm in sole charge of the dds

Well done beaches, anger is one of the Big Four (triggers) Hungry,Angry,Lonely,Tired (HALT) and you shot that bugger down

Ma Ouch! That sounds painful, hope he recovers quickly. What happened?

Soc I love it when you post that you've made it through Friday before our evening over here has started. It's like you made it to the other side and are calling back to us saying, come on, you can do it!!

< imagines Soc in army garb, soaking wet and covered in mud, whooping at the end of punishing assault course >

I know I will never drink casually again, I'm too aware of what I'm doing but, for me, that's a good thing. I'm mindful of each decision I make leading up to drinking/not drinking.

I think every stage through, including seeing the video through to the end. I plan my non-alcoholic drinks if I need to make sure I am making actual choices, not just reacting to that urge to drink.

But it's become such a habit that I do it quickly and quietly: Do I want a drink? Well, I probably wouldn't want one, so let's rephrase that. Do I want to drink a bottle of wine and have a hangover tomorrow? Er, no, not today, so I think I'll stick to soft drinks. What do I fancy? Nothing and tonic to start with, I'll have a couple of those, then I'll go for something long, tall and fizzy, etc.

The most helpful thing for me, was not to do anything impulsively. If I have decided not to drink that day, I need a very good reason to change my mind. Not just one of those made up ones that the WW keeps totting out. She can jog on, the boring old fart

Anyhooooooo, the sun is out here and it's a bank holiday weekend so two good reasons to get out and about. Have a fab day babes, see you later x

Happy Birthday little Nemo
with lots of love
Auntie T xxxx

Day 1 again. Love to all.

Home from hospital.Ds sore and tired but didn't lose the testicle.
Life seems to have it in for me at the most.
Going to see the lovely Derek for some TLC - holding it together but only just.

Wow, what a rough ordeal for your ds Ma, glad he didn't lose any crucial bits though. Hope you are both recovering after the drama.

I was so glad to wake up this morning without the bog breath and fog brain. Have dug over two of the vegetable plots and made and erected this years scarecrow - I have to tell you, he is looking pretty buff out there in his red hoodie! Am sure none of this would have happened if I had drunk a bottle last night.

Faire I had forgotten about HALT and I was definitely angry and tired, maybe even a bit lonely. It is helpful to see that now. I think your perpspective on mindful drinking is a more positive way to look on it. As my Dad was a heavy and consistent drinker, I know deep down I will always have to be careful. On the plus side, I have seen where the road leads and so have that experience to refer to.

anne h is away all week? Hope you enjoy the peace and full control of the TV! (Or whatever small pleasure it means to you )

Hi to all brave babes

Hi all - I am sober on a Saturday evening yay - trying to go for at least a week sober - keep your fingers crossed for me :)

Good luck 70 :)

Thanks Mouse I am a bit of a Shirley Valentine fangirl ;)

Ok, I have done ok, I drank on thursday as it was dh's birthday. I only have three glasses though.

Drank last night as well as it was friday and thats all theexcuse I need.

Going to not drink until friday when I am leaving work so having a leaving do, but dh is going to pick me up so I don't go mad and get too drunk.

Babysteps I suppose.

Hope all babes are doing well and hugs to those struggling.

Day 1 done again.
Ma glad your ds is ok. Hope life starts treating you better soon.x
Goodnight all x

Roll on day 2 - upmearlynduemto going to watch my son in a competition - so lovely to wake up sober - why can't I remember how good this feels when the WW comes calling at 7.00 in the evening? going to be a lovely day - good luck babies :)

hello, I'm new to the thread but just need a place to talk. I am feeling very vulnerable and upset with myself and need to work out where I'm going. I was clean/sober for 3 years with the help of AA back in 2006-9 then the children came along and life moved on. I didn't really drink at all until about a year ago (post divorce) and then it was just occasional nights out, but I disliked being drunk. I've recently met a new DP who I am very much falling for... the problem is, we seem to have fallen into a pattern of drinking most times we see each other and my boundaries are suddenly very blurred again. He went away this weekend to France and I went out with a friend - no big deal - but when I was drunk I agreed to let some very old friends of mine (pre 2006) stay in my house. Horrible mistake, I woke up early and asked them to leave straight away (DC were with their dad, so no impact on them at all). But it has catapulted me into a state of huge anxiety and self-loathing.

I'm struggling with why I feel so awful 3 days later. I didn't cheat, or do anything untoward at all, but I just feel like my home and my personal space has been trashed by them simply being here. And it's got nothing to do with my DP as he wasn't here. However I recognise that this didn't happen in isolation. The reason I was comfortable with getting so drunk this weekend was because I've been getting comfortable with it over the last 2 months, and it was an inevitable progression. Which leaves me in a horrible place. Do I quit completely and refocus on the inner work I began, and recognise for me it's a totally unacceptable place to be (but risk losing DP) or do I try and maintain perspective, re-think my boundaries in general and try to enjoy the odd glass here and there (as I have done for the past 5 years).

I really don't want to take the easy road and say that I'm feeling in a mess because DP drinks and I've been carried along with it - that's such a cop out. And I don't want to end our relationship as a knee jerk reaction, especially as he wasn't even there or part of the night that has upset me so much! That's all on me. But I don't know how to navigate changing the 'rules' of our relationship to put me back in a place where I feel comfortable and safe :( I feel in a bit of a mess.

Those of you with DPs and DHs who drink when you are trying not to, how have you managed that? What have you done that's helped keep the relationship on an even keel? Please help me focus on changing myself instead of trying to change things and people around me - I know that it's me who is the problem, really. I am just upset that I have so easily found myself back in such a shitty place when I thought I'd left it all behind long ago :(

I Nefnaf - Ai don't really know what to say as I am still on a rocky road myself. However, my DP,drinks occasionally when he does (and I am not) it is no big deal to either of us. I think if you have a degree Of self loathing/anxiety ATM that I would think about quitting altogethern- Good luck whatever ou do. I am on day 3 (pleased to get to this point -':) )

I think you're right about quitting altogether right now. It's not good or healthy to be feeling like this. The fact that it's even a concern for me about whether I can, is also a great big fat red flag that yep, that's what needs to be done. I just feel shit. Thought I'd come so much farther than this. Turns out that maybe I am an alcoholic, and the only path forward when I drink 'casually' is that it becomes a problem. Maybe not the first time, or the second, but ultimately it always has and probably always will. And that feels completely shit shit shit.

There are other alcoholics in my family. I know what this is all about. I still have many, many recovery friends. I need to reach out and sort my shit out but it feels so hard. :(

nef welcome to the bus and well done on a fantastic 3 years

...when I drink 'casually' is that it becomes a problem. Maybe not the first time, or the second, but ultimately it always has and probably always will

I think this is the heart of it all. And I know it feels shit. Our society is bound so intricately with alcoholic traditions that it can feel overwhelming to unpick it all and find a clear way.

I look on it as an intolerance or allergy. Plenty of people live their lives managing conditions such as diabetes or crohns and they have to watch their diet. With alcohol it's sort of the same.

Why put something in your body that is going to cause a bad reaction, make you physically ill, mentally confused, emotionally depressed. It is actually very easy to avoid alcohol. We don't need it in our diet at all.

Could you start by telling your dp that you've noticed your body doesn't tolerate alcohol like you used to, so you are going to cut it out for a while and see if you feel better. Then, after a few weeks you can tell him that you prefer not drinking.

It might depend how much he sees alcohol as necessary to socialising. If it's very important to him, maybe he has some kind of dependence too?

My dh drinks casually with a 'take it or leave it' attitude. If he wants a drink at home, it will be just the one. Or even half a glass of something and then he forgets about it. So if I don't want to drink I ask him to just buy beer or whisky because I won't touch them.

There are some reasonable non alcoholic wines out there if you want to give the illusion of having a 'drink' together.

70hours well done, you have two days under your belt - and weekend ones too!

I suspect he has a bit of an issue too. When we drink together, he will continue until there is nothing left in the house. Now I'm stepping back from it, I'm wondering if the only limit on the drinking has been that usually, I don't have anything in the house - so if he brings one bottle, then we stop there. But last week there were 2.5 bottles in the house, so that's where we stopped... it's not ok with me. I need to find out whether this is a problem for him, or whether I'm just projecting/in panic mode because I know it's a problem for me. I am going to start by saying that I'm feeling overtired (very true) and want to train for race for life (also true) so won't drink for a month or so. If he's fine with that, and I make it, I will have my answer - we're probably ok. If he's not fine with that, or being with him is the reason I can't stop, then there is an answer there as well :( Not one I want, but nothing means more to me than protecting the life I'm building for myself and my DC now. There is no way I will allow alcohol to compromise it at all.

I can't get to meetings at the moment because I don't have any childcare outside of my working hours, so at least for now, I need to do this a day at a time on my own. I hope that checking in here will help keep me carried through the first bit. I know that the next 7 days are going to be especially hard. Thank you for your kind replies x

Some good advice Faire :). - I feel great - looking forward to waking up sober again tomorrow - you are an inspiration Faire - I hope some day I can get to the point you are at.

My husband and I drink together nef and we have discussed that he will probably need to cut down a bit in order to help me try to stop drinking.
It is kind of ingrained in our lives though so it isn't going to be easy.

Had a shit day yesterday, arguments with the kids etc so I am afraid I succumbed to habit and down a bottle of beer and a bottle of wine.

I feel like total fucking shit today, and the arguments have continued due to me and DH being tired and slightly hungover.

So day 1 for me, this is a stressful week coming up as it is my last in my current job, so I am going into it thinking, i cannot do this week with a hangover.

I also need to start my final essay for my current OU module, and can't do that with a hangover fogging my brain. So yet another reason to stay off it.

I will be drinking on Friday as it is my leaving do and I know i will drink, so don't want to set myself up to fail.

My head is heading in the right direction though.

Sorry for rambling. Hungover brains don't always make sense...

Thank you 70

When I joined this bus I knew nothing. Nothing I tells ya!

Everything I've learned has come from the other babes on the bus, whether drinking, not drinking or somewhere in between. It really is a journey and, let's face it, there is no end. We are talking about the rest of our lives.

We do have choices. The successes we have, spur us on to continue to push on through but on the flip side, failures have the power to drag us right down, back to where we started.

Posting on the bus helps because we can see that one slip up does not mean the end. We just get back on it and try again. I don't think I've met anyone on the bus who has said, 'That's it, I've failed, I'm jacking it all in and accepting the fact that I will drink for the rest of my life. I will waste all that money, feel crap about myself every day and keep damaging my body until it can take no more'. Because no-one really wants that.

It might just be one day. Ok. Next time it might be two days in a row. Eventually it could be a whole week. Or it might mean stopping completely. It doesn't matter. As long as we keep trying and never, ever give up, we'll be ok babes

Sorry, didn't mean to give a speech there, just feeling quite positive at the moment

< waves pom poms >

Just checking in to say hi to newbies.
Sorry, not much bloody help to anyone at the moment and drinking way too much.
Just got too many other battles to fight right now.

Afternoon, tis me, Mouse

Ma - how is DS? When Nemo was in hospital, DH would buy bottles of diet coke for me, empty some out and put vodka in. so I know where you are coming from I'm sad to say. Really sorry about the job news too.

Looking - thank you sweetheart, I'm sure if he knew you'd done that he'd be very honoured :) xxx

LaDame - I just want to wave to you across the land and stormy seas, to say hello in hope of some cheese

IsinDe - g'day me old mucker, are you MIA? :) Come say hi :)

Why - it's dreadfully lonely being in a refuge, it was lovely of the others to make a bit of a fuss of your DD for her Birthday, even though it's not the same as seeing all of her friends and family, the fact that someone who doesn't really know her, or you cared enough to make a fuss for her is heart warming. That has made me smile xxx

Thurso - good to see your name on the thread :)

A HUGE hello to all of the new Babes

Nef - what you have there is yourself a drinking buddy; if he drinks, you drink. It's like that with my DH or it used to be. If one of us was drinking, so would the other, if the other didn't then neither would the partner etc..... you get my drift. Maybe like you say, it's him with the problem and he is projecting it onto you so he doesn't feel so bad?

What you need to is break the habit. The 'I'll just nip to the shop and get some wine' habit. If it's not in the house, you're less likely to drink, unless one of you goes out to get it.

You have to plan your day, one day at a time. An hour or minute even. YOU are in control of your drinking and NO ONE ELSE.

Imagine if you will that the more someone tells you that you really shouldn't have something, the more that you want it. It's like being a small child and wanting a toy you've seen in a shop. In your mind, you want it and absolutely can't live without it. Your head explodes because you're being told NO and you feel as if you'll die without the toy. It's got your name written all over it, you've been promised it but not yet and there it waiting for you. It's not fair.

It's cruel and mean and all you want is that toy, you've been ever so god of late and can't compute as to why you can't have it now, right now.

You seem to move further away from the toy....... not of your own free will though. What's going on? Why can't you have what you want, where are you going? Who's moving you? It's NOT FAIR!

Does any of that make sense to you Nef? This is exactly how I was. My GP was the one pulling me away, the toy was vodka. When you crave something so much, you'll do anything to get it.

Maybe you're not that person at all, but I know that I was. Sorry for rambling on at you!

It just sounds as though you plan a treat for the weekend say, and then give in before that time because you have someone else wanting you to drink with you? Is that how it is? :)

I know that when I first stopped nailing vodka, DH lost his drinking buddy, I didn't want to wake feeling the way I had been, like deep fried dog vomit.

70 - well done for 3 days :)

rural - I've missed you, I hope you're okay and not to exhausted with the lambs.xxx

Obrigada - Nemo* said he had the best Birthday party ever and to be fair, he didn't stop all day. Hes's shattered :)

And so we're having a chilled day :)

Hope you are all okay xxx

Hi everyone, I am still here. Had a couple of drinks on Friday but left it at that, and will not drink again until this Friday. It isn't easy, I agree, when DH is still drinking the same as before, we have been drinking buddies for a long time and he is adamant he is not interested in stopping drinking. However, I think he is drinking less as it is not as much fun to be the only one drinking! I just grin and bear it though when he pours a glass of wine and I pour diluted beetroot juice....But I know I can do it now and that gives me strength.

Thanks Mouse and everyone else :) I do relate. I think tonight will be interesting, he's coming over at 8 and I have 3/4 of a bottle of wine left - but I've bought myself some pear juice. So I will plan to only have that. We need a proper sober chat (from my side at least) so I am going to go minute by minute, just for this minute, I can definitely not drink... screw just for today, I'm keeping it SUPER simple.

Wish me luck. I'll be back in the morning to let you know how it's gone...

I really appreciate the welcome :)