wwyd. mil slagging me off and (d) h agreeing

[yorkie84]

Background. We have 3dc. Youngest 12months. Dh never really hands on so most of house stuff down to me. I am coping just about with trying to run a very part time business. Relationship with dh has suffered as dd wasn't planned and (d) h has previously said she should have been aborted.
I am feeling fragile today anyway as my mum died just over 3 years ago. Probably not the best idea to spend it with mil but we normally get on ok.
Well I have just discoved from dd that whilst I was out of the room mil called be a waste of space and (d) h agreed.
Quite frankly I feel like telling him to go live with his mum and I hope they will be happy together.
Just wonder what other think.
Thank you

OMG I would be fuming.

Does your dh contribute anything to family life apart from money through working? If he doesn't I think I'd ask him to leave tbh.

Any chance your dd could be mistaken to the exact wording or similar? How old is she?

I would go absolutely bonkers (although I don't think you should do this - not yet anyway.)

Disloyalty really gets me, and I find this unbelievably disloyal.

Did you dd come straight and tell you? Thank goodness she is loyal to you.

She was probably mistaken in context.

You need to ask them. If they are discussing whether you are a waste of space in front o children old enough to understand and tell you, that would be bonkers.

How old is dd? And how in the heck did you 'discover' this? You wandered back in and she said ' mummy, nana and daddy say you are a waste of space, what does that mean?'

Kids v often get the wrong end of the stick.

Sorry about your mum. X

With that and everything else I would tell him to get the f*ck out! I really would. What is the point in sharing your life with such a person? Your DH is supposed to have your back, he doesn't so there's no reason to be with him.

Oh my god, that is awful. I would be tempted to tell him to get lost. He doesn't sound like he is supportive of you in any way.

I do think you need to ask him about it though and find out exactly what was said

Quite frankly I feel like telling him to go live with his mum and I hope they will be happy together.

Well, yes.

And tell him he's wasting your space at home. You're probably going to have less work and manage to get on top of the house work without him.

She is nearly 8. Think it probably related to my phone going missing. She told me privately when we were in the car going to an activity. She said something like. Nanas been saying horrible things about you. She czlled you a wSte of space and daddy agreed . But you aren't as who would look after us when daddy is at work..
It broke my heart hearing this.

What do you want to do?

Is it dh agreeing for an easy life or have things deteriorated between you so far that he wants to believe that sort of crap about you?

Although that could apply when he is here as I am the one seeing to the toddler whilst he is playing computer games. He only steps up on the rare occasions I am out.

Things have slowly been deteriorating. It gets to a point where I start planning an exit. Things improve for abit. Than something like this happens.

Just plan that exit.

Don't do anything in a hurry. Have a think. Make a plan. You are upset thinking about your DM, pissed off thinking of DH.

Think longer term of what you want. Perhaps no more visits to DMIL. Perhaps DH must start to contribute more? What would be best for you.

Should have been 'thinking of DM' not DH.

Carry on planning your exit. But fast forward it.

Quite frankly if it is true I won't be doing any mil visits. It is just too hurtful. Going to have to tackle (d)h and see what he hasto say I guess.

Gobsmacked. He sounds a nasty piece of work, you deserve to be treated with more respect than this.

I would be worried about confronting your H would he take it out on DD?

As things have been rubbish for quite some time perhaps you do need to call it a day but you can plan your exit on your terms. At least when he has the dc for contact you get a break!

You could say that your dd was upset at something Nany said (though he will probably deny it/downplay it). I suppose you could say it was particularly upsetting that he apparently agreed to what was said but I doubt he will be all overcome with remorse.

I hadn't thought of that "random" Just so confused and upset.

No need to say DD told you. Tell him you heard every word.

Sadly my hearing would have had to be excellent as I wasn't in the same building when it was said.

OP, so sorry for you and the loss of your mother

I would find out exactly what was said dh in what context exactly. But really, this would cut the heart out of me. Fair enough if mil has issues, but for your husband to join in :(

Today is not the day for big decisions. I am not one for giving up on reltionships easily but a lot has to change.

I'm not surprised you are confused and upset. Clearly your marriage is in a bad place so it's either joint therapy to see if things can be improved long term or tell him it's over IMHO.

You say it improves for a while but then slips backwards why do you thing that happens?

He's playing computer games whilst you see to the kids and your the waste of space?

I would pack him a bag, including games console take it to mil house with a note suggesting her waste of space of a son will be round later.
Then throw him out.

Apart from what they said, it looks like he is a waste of space and time in your life anyway.