wwyd. mil slagging me off and (d) h agreeing

[yorkie84]

Background. We have 3dc. Youngest 12months. Dh never really hands on so most of house stuff down to me. I am coping just about with trying to run a very part time business. Relationship with dh has suffered as dd wasn't planned and (d) h has previously said she should have been aborted.
I am feeling fragile today anyway as my mum died just over 3 years ago. Probably not the best idea to spend it with mil but we normally get on ok.
Well I have just discoved from dd that whilst I was out of the room mil called be a waste of space and (d) h agreed.
Quite frankly I feel like telling him to go live with his mum and I hope they will be happy together.
Just wonder what other think.
Thank you

You know it is his disloyalty that hurts the most. If anyone criticized him I would defend. Sadly that loyalty does not work both ways.

He is now in bed btw and I am still up dealing with 12 month old who won't go to sleep. Of course mil probably thinksI am the one aasleep and her poor overworked son is doing it all.

Can you get away anywhere for a few days with the baby to get a break from him?

Sorry, that would be difficult in sure- maybe ask him to stay with his mother does few nights as you are not happy

It's a bit bitchy, but I'd be tempted to call him on him to do his fair share at home, while using the expression waste of space quite a lot. Before dumping him from a great height.

Also, you realise why she called you a waste of space? Because he has probably been slagging you off to her, telling her how little you do.

I would go fucking mental. Not only for her saying it in the fist place, and then him agreeing, but doing it within earshot of my children, talking about their mother like that in front of them?? I would shit a fucking brick then throw it at their heads. He would not be staying in the house tonight.

That though just occurred to me. I suspect he has been really economical with the truth. Maybe I should email her someof the gems he has come out with.

The thing is though. They both know how close me and dd are. They musy
T have known she would repeat it.

Must have

Perhaps they feel so perfectly entitled to speak the "truth" about you it just didn't occur to them that dd would see the injustice and tell you?

What a horrible thing to experience when you were feeling low anyway. Big big hugs. What would your dear mum advise if she were here. There is a way to a better time and you do deserve better. You must be very proud of you dd, she is a credit to you for sticking up for her mum. Please get some RL support, do you have any friends or family who can offer some advice and practical support.

Whatever you do, do not ever let dd think it was because she told you this that you split. Be very careful what you say around her.

Yes, agree with lots that has been said here, but BlackeyedSusan beat me to the one thing I felt still needed to be said. It would not be good for your daughter to feel it was her fault her parents split up.

My mum never really got on with him. Maybe I should have listened. Well I bit the bullet and mentioned it casually last night. Not actual phrase. He didn't even both to deny it. He just used attack as the best form of defence. Having a go at me because I put the groceries on the wrong credit card so I have apparently screwed up the finances. Even better I am the reason why he had a heart attack. No heart palpitations caused by cheast infection but there you go. O and he is the only one who bothers to tidy the desk. Well no, I do it just as much (probably more) but I don't make a song and dance about it.
Later he start having a nice conversation as if nothing has happened.
I really think he needs help.
Thank you for your replies.

Very good point about dd. Thank you.

My siblings are still so wrapped up in there own grief that I feel I have to pussyfoot around them. Do have some friends but it is hard to talk about stuff like this.

How dare she and how dare he!

I wouldn't be able to recover from that. Stern words are needed to your H!

Safe to say it is the last christmas day I spend with her. Hopefully we will have split by than.

He doesn't need help, he needs a boot out the door. Get rid.

Well booked into cab after school holidays. Mil rang today. I guess she knows I know. I didn't even pick up phone. Not ready to speak to her yet. Although real problem is (d) h
Think I also may have to work on her birthday.

Good idea Yorkie. If she coplains you aren't there you can say "well as you and your dear son said about me, I am a waste of space so I did not think I would be missed". Horrible pair.

Your H really is an entitled arse, how dare he complain about how much you do when he has far more leisure time than you!!!

I hope it goes really well at CAB. At least he will be able to move back in with his mum where he can be waited on hand and foot which is clearly what he expects

You deserve so much better.

Thing is he kind of pulled up his socks today. Obviously knows how pissed off I am. Mil rang again. I couldn't gdtto phone ontime. Couldn't bear to ring her back.

Thank you