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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

The Dating Thread 72

999 replies

LizzieBelle · 30/03/2014 11:10

Welcome Grin

OP posts:
Scarey123 · 08/04/2014 19:22

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louby44 · 08/04/2014 19:24

No he's just after sex. I had one at the weekend from Tinder too. His line was "want to get to know you but we could be having great sex in the meantime!!!". I strung him along for a bit as it was quite amusing. He wanted me to go over that afternoon but I said I'd have to bring my DS, was that ok? He didn't respond ha!!

So yes, avoid! And welcome!

louby44 · 08/04/2014 19:27

Got a date next Tuesday!!! Seems a nice enough guy so far (don't they all!) He's not gorgeous looking but I'm going to look past that, he's 6'3" and I love that! So he's MrTall and am optimistic.

No texts off postie#2 after he cancelled and I called him a time waster.

Jarlin · 08/04/2014 20:42

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gigglekicks · 08/04/2014 22:36

Oh booo. I don't know why they bother putting all the effort in with nice chatter if they are just going to invite you for a booty call. Why don't they just make it clear they are looking for 'fun' - because I know there are women who are looking for the same, it's all such a waste of time...

Hormonalhell · 08/04/2014 22:37

Giggle kicks he's married Hmm

Scarey123 · 08/04/2014 22:45

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Hormonalhell · 08/04/2014 22:49

I think that sounds fab to be honest Scarey!!

Hormonalhell · 08/04/2014 22:57

Shell I agree with you on lack of interest. Men are really black or white Hmm

BeforeAndAfter · 08/04/2014 22:57

Scarey123 I just don't get the silence - three months is an investment in a person in my mind - he's showing you who he is though, isn't he? I wouldn't believe any excuse he comes up with either TBH.

So, your scenario is interesting but are you absolutely clear in your mind that it would not be a 'relationship saving method'?

What would you really do if he were at home and welcomed you in? Would you go in and be the relieved grateful tail wagging puppy who's magically morphed into a fuck buddy and puts up with silence as and when he feels like it? (sorry, I'm not accusing you of that - just using extreme language to get the message across).

I just don't buy this crap that a man is entitled to withdraw into his fucking 'man cave' without notice after three months, a key and holiday talk. If he's feeling suffocated or similar then he should say something and just ask for a bit of space but to unilaterally withdraw communication privileges is just shit behaviour beyond belief.

Hormonalhell · 08/04/2014 23:16

That makes a lot of sense Before n after

Scarey123 · 08/04/2014 23:30

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BeforeAndAfter · 08/04/2014 23:43

I doubt I could go through with the turning up, dumping his stuff and declining an offer to go in when I'd be totally reeling from his withdrawal. That emotional state for me would make me vulnerable to being manipulated and I'd morph into that puppy.

I can only handle no contact so right now I'd delete his number so I couldn't send any 'accidental' texts, focus on my social life and wait for him to get in contact. It will be two weeks or so of agony but I wouldn't put my future in his hands under any circumstances after his behaviour.

dontcallmehon22 · 09/04/2014 00:42

Scarey the whole thing is so strange.

I'm getting quite a few women messaging me on POF! Don't know why, as it says I'm straight. One asked if she could turn me! Most are much better looking than the men who message me on there.

Going for a drink with authorguy on Monday. If it doesn't work out, as least he can help with my book.

Scarey123 · 09/04/2014 06:22

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bouncyagain · 09/04/2014 06:30

scarey maybe he's lost his phone and can't text?

Just an idea

Shellwedance · 09/04/2014 07:12

Scarey, I think the text is a good idea but I'd hold out as long as you can so you don't seem too bothered. You know he's read your text so he is ignoring you and I think you shouldn't give him anything else at the moment. Sorry if that sounds harsh and I wouldn't be able to take my own advice so do what you feel you need to do. I'd also sell his expensive motorbike stuff on EBay Wink

So my guy did text again at 6 to make arrangements. We had a nice evening and I mentioned the text thing, he just seems to be a bit crap at texts and has agreed to try harder. He does seem pretty genuine and to
like me but we all know that can change! Now trying to decide wheyher to go on my other date tonight.

On an amusing side note, I asked him if he thought his ex wife was dating and he said yes because she'd come up on Tinder! How awkward!

MatureUniStudent · 09/04/2014 07:22

Hello, may I join? I've taken the leap and joined EHarmony, buoyed up by several glasses of wine on Saturday night.

Now I'm not in my first or probably second flush of youth, but I am stunned at how open the prepared questions are on sex. I didn't think that before you even met a chap you would have a discussion about sex. (I am showing my age arnt I!). But I am due to meet a chap today and found myself saying that perhaps at a later date I would discuss that subject with him.

My eldest DD thought it was normal that such questions might crop up, even before we had met. And yes I can see he may wish to clarify some of the answers I gave but really, too much too soon. I am a Neanderthal arnt I?!

NoWineInTheFridge · 09/04/2014 07:30

Haven't been on for a while but wondered what you all thought...

Been messaging lovely handsome guy on pof since Saturday. I'd say a message or two each a day. They have been quite detailed as we share a couple of common interests. We usually each ask a question or two.

Monday night was my last message to him and I asked a question. Yesterday was my birthday and he messaged at two minutes to midnight joking that he'd only just made it on time to wish my happy birthday and hoped I'd had a lovely day. But that's all he said.

Is that a sign of interest or a sign of lost interest?

NoWineInTheFridge · 09/04/2014 07:31

mature I am in my second flush and I think I'd be uneasy too. I am a closet prude though.

Hormonalhell · 09/04/2014 08:43

Don't , yes that's happened to me and I too politely refused when she asked to turn meGrin

Scarey what a moron that guy is. You can do better. MrKids would never dream of treating me that way, I just know he wouldn't. He showing his true colours to you and they ain't pretty Hmm

Hormonalhell · 09/04/2014 08:44

No wine I'd say he's interested Grin

Shell yes very awkward, I'm not keen on tinder Hmm

NoWineInTheFridge · 09/04/2014 08:53

But the conversation we were having has now been left hanging! I thanked him and told him I did have a great day, but where does it go from here?

Poffedoff · 09/04/2014 09:01

Scarey i'm sorry you're going through this. It's awful. I know the natural thing is to want some kind of explanation and the confusion and anger you're feeling need some kind of outlet. My advice is not to contact him again unless you hear from him. You know he can contact you if he wants to. If you're satisfied that nothing has happened to him that would make it impossible for him to contact you then he is choosing not to. Yes, there are people out there who act this way, lots of them.
Hormonal, it's great that you're feeling so secure with mrkids and he's probably a genuine bloke but for those of us that have been through what scarey is experiencing now (after an 8 month relationship in my case) it's not always so black and white. In other words, never say never.

MadeMan · 09/04/2014 09:03

Did you ask him something back NoWine in your last conversation?