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Original poster

Am I being silly here? Disappointed about Mother's Day

54 replies

sadnewmum · 29/03/2014 23:44

I know that this is a minor issue compared to others on here but - DP just got home from work and gave me my mother's day present. Flowers and a gift card, bought tonight from the petrol station where he works.

He has known about mother's day for ages - I helped sort out the gift he is co-giving with his siblings for HIS mother, so he just had to do something for me.

I am allergic to the flowers. I have put them in a vase in the living room and I am sitting here itching.

I just feel he has 'phoned it in' getting something from his work at the last minute and no thought whatsoever has gone into it. DS is only 6 weeks old so he can't be blamed. Just it is my first mother's day, I thought he would have made a bit more of an effort to do something special for me.

OP posts:
Thetallesttower · 29/03/2014 23:48

I'm sorry you are feeling sad about this, just having had a baby is a very hard time.

But he's not your son and you are not his mother. I think buying you anything is a little odd on Mother's day- once your little one is older, he can help him make a card, make you a present.

I don't expect my husband to get me anything, that's for Valentines Day or my birthday- I also think Mother's Day has got really big in the last couple of years, in the past mums did just make do with a home made card.

Have a little chat with him, he probably didn't know what you were expecting and I don't think there is a right thing to do really.

TalisaMaegyr · 29/03/2014 23:50

Special like what though? What's wrong with a card and some flowers? Confused

phoolani · 29/03/2014 23:52

I don't think it's unreasonable to expect a little thought on Mother's Day when you've had his baby 6 weeks ago. Just as a kind if 'isn't it great we have a baby now?' gesture. But maybe he just didn't think you'd be bothered? If he did, I think it's thoughtless.

Original poster
sadnewmum · 29/03/2014 23:52

Talisa there is nothing wrong with flowers per se, it is the last minute element that bothers me.

OP posts:
Needsomeperspective2 · 30/03/2014 00:00

Maybe he hadn't realised you were expecting anything until someone pointed out to him that it would be a nice gesture, and then he had no options left open. I know when my dd was small I expected something on my first Mother's Day, bit my eh didn't really see why, as she was obviously not old enough to do anything herself. I'd say it's just one of those differences between men and women.

LondonNinja · 30/03/2014 00:02

He doesn't sound exactly helpful or intuitive (I recall your recent thread).

Try not to feel too blue. When your DC is older, he'll make up for it, hopefully. You're doing a grand job. Hope you have a good day. In spending mine hosting a load of visitors, doing even more chores than usual.

RelaxinRadox · 30/03/2014 00:09

Maybe that was just a taster....wait till tomorrow.

MerylStrop · 30/03/2014 00:10

Oh…..give him a break, OP

LyndaCartersBigPants · 30/03/2014 00:36

I'd be disappointed if he hadn't done anything, but I think it's a bit churlish to be annoyed at getting flowers the day before.

My ex used to buy some on the way home from work if I was lucky, so I had to wait all day (anniversaries if he remembered, valentines if he wasn't 'boycotting' it, birthday if he hadn't bought me something incredibly dull practical instead!)

The fact that your h has not only remembered but managed it a day early is a brownie point in my book! When your DS is older a handmade card from nursery and some chocolates is the best. Big gestures are more for other occasions in my book.

Happy first Mother's Day! Thanks

Unexpected · 30/03/2014 00:59

How can flowers be anything other than last-minute though? It's not a gift you can give someone in advance and tell them not to open, is it?

mammadiggingdeep · 30/03/2014 07:02

I think it sounds fine...it's nice he acknowledged it with flowers

TalisaMaegyr · 30/03/2014 08:10

It wasn't last minute though, it was a day early!

Listen. He acknowledged it for you. You're not his mum, and your baby is too small to do something, obviously. I think you're being a little bit precious.

Congrats on your ds Thanks

kutee · 30/03/2014 08:11

I got nothing!!Hmm

SummerRain · 30/03/2014 08:17

I bought myself a bunch of flowers my first mothers day as dp didn't even realise it was happening (he's a bit oblivious to this stuff!)

This year my kids are 5, 7 and 9 and he helped them buy gifts and cards when they asked and I got a pile of handmade artwork they made in school.

Mothers day only really kicks in when your own children are old enough to be aware of it I'm afraid

He's not your child and it was sweet of him to do anything at all tbh.

Relax and enjoy your lovely new baby and know that in years to come you'll be inundated by crap and cuddles Flowers

Anniegetyourgun · 30/03/2014 08:17

Well, my mother never "did" Mother's Day and I've followed that lead, so I struggle to see why people make a fuss about it - I realise some do. However, if he knew you were allergic to flowers (which he should by the time you've had a baby together) and just got them anyway, that was spectacularly thoughtless.

ChasedByBees · 30/03/2014 08:21

I think if it's flowers you're allergic to, there's not that much to be grateful for - your husband should know that.

He's been a bit thoughtless, but ultimately the important thing is you have a lovely baby and are a mother on this day. Happy Mother's Day x

Handywoman · 30/03/2014 08:27

How is everything else going, OP? (also recall your recent thread).

thegreatgatsby101 · 30/03/2014 08:28

I'll get shot down for this, but given that you pushed a child out of your body 6 weeks ago, yes he should make more of an effort. Flowers are lovely, but not last minute from a garage and not if you're allergic?!
It's the thought and effort he's gone to which seems to be zero.

For my DH it's a gift that recognises I'm a mother to Our DC and what hard work I do blah blah blah. Night feeds, breastfeeding, all the other things that are bloody hard work. DC are too young to get gifts for me so he does it instead and recognises I'm an awesome mother to our children.

stopbeingsilly · 30/03/2014 08:33

"You're not his mum" - this utterly, spectacularly misses the point. The OP is a mum. To a baby. Does she really need to wait till the child can organise his/her own gift (one she's not allergic to) in order for this to be recognised? The OP's partner has taken time to arrange something more special for his own mother, but cannot recognise a card and a gift the OP is allergic to isn't a brilliant celebration of becoming a mother just a few weeks ago. Lazy and thoughtless. (And this coming from someone who's expecting a new panting from her 2 year old - created with her dad earlier this week - and a bacon sandwich to be delivered to my bed in about half an hour. It's not about money, it's about being thought of.)

stopbeingsilly · 30/03/2014 08:33

painting

evangelinelily · 30/03/2014 08:34

Count yourself lucky. I would love it if DH gave me even just a card. Flowers too, I would be amazed. I'm getting zilch for my first mothers' day today and I will be cooking dinner tonight. I did anticipate this though, so I bought myself two pairs of shoes at the weekend as a mothers' day present to me from my baby.

Treaclepot · 30/03/2014 08:38

I remember being pissed off not getting anything on my first mothers day, especially as I had made/encouraged 6 years worth of fathers day cards with dss.

But he did remember, card and flowers, not really sure what else people get, except for the all important breakfast in bed.

When they get older it gets lovely. (i just had three handmade cards that made me cry and a song), no pressies though, I wouldnt want one.

MikeLitoris · 30/03/2014 08:39

Last minute is rushing out this morning to get you something. What is the difference between buying you a gift card last week and buying you one yesterday? And obviously flowers can only ever be bought last minute unless you want to double the price and get them delivered.

Trazzletoes · 30/03/2014 08:44

I totally understand your disappointment. I'm with stopbeingsilly and I hope he's brought you a cuppa and a bacon sandwich in bed.

Enjoy your shoes Smile

Andcake · 30/03/2014 08:49

I know DP bought my mothers day card from ds yesterday and it doesn't bother me at all. The first one (last year) I dropped a few hints and their was a cake and card on the table first thing. Nothing special! He probably bought it the day before but that didn't bother me and he knows I like cake! But if your DP knows your allergies then you should be pissed off.
6 weeks means your probably both still stumbling through the parenting thing and sleep deprived.

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