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Original poster

Am I being silly here? Disappointed about Mother's Day

54 replies

sadnewmum · 29/03/2014 23:44

I know that this is a minor issue compared to others on here but - DP just got home from work and gave me my mother's day present. Flowers and a gift card, bought tonight from the petrol station where he works.

He has known about mother's day for ages - I helped sort out the gift he is co-giving with his siblings for HIS mother, so he just had to do something for me.

I am allergic to the flowers. I have put them in a vase in the living room and I am sitting here itching.

I just feel he has 'phoned it in' getting something from his work at the last minute and no thought whatsoever has gone into it. DS is only 6 weeks old so he can't be blamed. Just it is my first mother's day, I thought he would have made a bit more of an effort to do something special for me.

OP posts:
Wuxiapian · 30/03/2014 08:50

Yanbu, OP.

I almost died giving birth 6 weeks ago. My mother's day present is something I had to heavily hint at (as I knew it'd probably end up being a last-minute thought). DP did get a card from the kids, but, I'm disappointed that, considering he's had more than one opportunity to buy me a (surprise) present from the kids, he hasn't.

Am teary thinking about it, actually. Makes me feel unworthy.

DrankSangriaInThePark · 30/03/2014 08:52

He's known about Mother's Day since he was a child actually (not just "for ages")

But yes, you are being silly. I'd have thought he'd have known you were allergic to flowers though. Maybe you should tell him so he doesn't give you them another time.

Enjoy your baby.

bigbuttons · 30/03/2014 08:56

wuxipian "Am teary thinking about it, actually. Makes me feel unworthy."
Please don't feel like that. You sense of self worth must come from you not from a card or anything else external.
Hope you are feeling better.

Sunshine200 · 30/03/2014 08:58

Try not to take it personally, he probably thinks he did good! Last year I got nothing from mine (dd was tiny), not even a cup of tea or a 'happy mothers day' this year I've got a lovely card & gift voucher & cup of tea in bed and feel very special - that's not meant as a brag but to say it really depends what mood DH is in and whether he engages his brain or not!

Bagoffrogs · 30/03/2014 08:58

Yanbu. Yesterday DH appeared with a bag, I saw it contained a box of chocs and a plant. Bit miffed as he knew I was following Slimming World but though, ah what the hell. Fast forward to this morning, the gifts did not appear, just a bought card he got the DCs aged 5 and 3 to sign this morning. It would appear the presents are for his mother .....Shock

Had a little cry in the shower, it's the lack of effort that hurts the most.

bberry · 30/03/2014 09:01

It is totally your dh/dp job to make today special for you ..... Don't "count yourself lucky" as some here have suggested, you deserve much more, let's see what else he has/will do today....

Maybe you will need a discussion around your differing expectations for next year?....x

Sickandtired14 · 30/03/2014 09:47

Last year for my first Mother's Day DH looked confused and baffled when I was upset at breakfast that there was no card. I went to see my mum all day who had organised a present and card on behalf of my dd. When I got home there was a card here aswell. He had popped out and got it.

This year, last night he came to me and said 'I don't know what to do for mothers day' and so as that was 10pm last night there is no card, no flowers etc. And as much as I tell myself it doesn't matter, it does deep down. I spend all my time being a wife and mother and I feel it is his duty to do it on DD's behalf til she is old enough.

curiousuze · 30/03/2014 10:33

I don't know, OP. You've got a six week old baby, you're both probably knackered - I know we both were. Does he have time to be strolling round shops? I think my DH got me a card for my first Mother's Day but I can't actually remember, we were both so wrecked from sleep deprivation! I really don't think it matters - he did recognise the day with a card and flowers. Not too shabby.

Solo · 30/03/2014 10:41

I would have loved crappy garage flowers and a gift card for my first Mothers Day. I got nothing. Zilch. Being a lone parent, everyone left it to someone else to do. I was hurt beyond belief.

OP, it might not be a wonderful something, but it is something; be grateful for the little things. Take a photo and hold the memory close.

Happy Mothering Sunday :)

Kefybaby · 30/03/2014 10:54

DH seems totally oblivious to the fact that it is Mothering Sunday. My friend reminded him and he also said that I am not his mother. Hmm Angry
On one hand I am not too fussed but on the other hand this lack of effort makes me feel at the bottom of the priority list and quite upset.
I understand what you mean, OP. I also think that this is not too bad in comparison to the effort (or lack of) made by other DP or other family members of single mums with very young children.

Wuxiapian · 30/03/2014 11:19

We've all been up for a while and I still haven't even been wished a happy mother's day.

Very upset :(

Solo · 30/03/2014 11:21

Start hinting? they may genuinely have forgotten this morning.

ilovepowerhoop · 30/03/2014 11:23

DH brought in flowers yesterday (bought any earlier and they would be harder to hide and may start dying off). I also got chocolates and a dvd. I didnt really expect anything much so was pleased with my haul. The wee scroll ds did at school was brought a wee tear to my eye - he wrote down the things he loves about his mum and was very sweet.

He also organised cards for the kids to give me and dd made and printed one off on the computer too.

Hope to fit in a quick visit to my mum later today.

Wuxiapian · 30/03/2014 11:24

My DP hasn't forgotten.

He even asked if it was mother's day in Belgium as he needed to talk business with friend and wasn't sure if she'd be at her daughter's today.

It's almost like he wants to upset me. I always celebrate father's day with him and the kids!

Wuxiapian · 30/03/2014 11:26

Going to visit my mum later ans what so I say when she asks about my day - that it's been a shit one?! :(

middleeasternpromise · 30/03/2014 11:31

These can be shitty days when people don't seem to make the effort - I have teenagers and still no present !!! As with everything in life I realise I just have to treat myself, start doing this more often and you wont end up disappointed. Some of us just aren't lucky enough to be valued by others in that way, so value yourself order something nice for you!!!

Mum2Fergus · 30/03/2014 11:40

It's just another day and another opportunity to hike up the price of flowers, chocolate and anything with the word 'Mum' on it in my opinion. I'm happy being blessed with my gorgeous DS every day ...

RedFocus · 30/03/2014 11:48

On my first Mother's Day I got a card & flowers. I really don't know what you were expecting but it's just Mother's Day! It's not your birthday! This year I got home made cards from my kids and my dh is cooking me Sunday dinner while I lounge around in bed. I'm happy! Wink

sosadfordd · 30/03/2014 11:49

Lovely sunny day, just going for a walk on the beach.
I can see lots of family groups from my house.
What have I got.
Nothing.
Zilch.
No DM.

Three adult children, not even a phone call/text/double zilch.

Mind you my dear granddaughter-23- rang to say have a happy day nan!
What did I do that was so wrong that they couldn't care one jot?
Mind you, I have got my DH, the kindest person I could have wished for, he is so sad for me.

But, I repeat my mantra, healthy and wise, smile in the bathroom cabinet mirror as I clean my teeth!
Happy days!

Paintyfingers · 30/03/2014 11:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissHC · 30/03/2014 12:13

Nothing here either so far.

First mother's day for me. I KNOW he bought a card as I was there (yesterday, in a rush). Haven't received said card yet and he hasn't even mentioned MD. He's sitting on couch opposite me watching rugby.

He did give a card yesterday for mothers day to our friend who's DD's godmother.

I'm getting slightly pissed off to be honest. For my birthday I had to ask if I could please get my card for days - fair enough DD had just been born but how hard is it to write a card? I got it a week late in the end. With a dvd as a present.

Christmas - still no card. No present either. I know he bought a card as I came across it a month or so ago. But I guess he was too lazy to write it.

Paintyfingers I'm so sorry for your friend. My best friend went through this in November, just 3 days after our DD was born (and she'd even been present at the birth). She was 21+4w. Horrible. Puts it in perspective. I'm not sure what to do for her - should I mention it? I want to but not sure how. They named the baby and found somewhere that allowed them to bury her. She feels very much that she had - and lost - a daughter.

atthestrokeoftwelve · 30/03/2014 12:18

I'm having a crap day too. OH tired so I brought him tea in bed, I went out to ASDA to do the shop, got back at 12am to find him still in bed asleep, the house a disaster zone, last nights dishes lying in greasy water, the kids not fed breakfast. To say I am fuming is an understatement. I have ripped up his card.
Pile of laundry to do now, but I have picked out all his dirty clothes and thrown them into the garden.

mammadiggingdeep · 30/03/2014 12:39

Atthesrroke....go out for the day!!!!!

Either by yourself and treat yourself to a coffee and cake in the sunshine or take the kids out.

Sod him.

atthestrokeoftwelve · 30/03/2014 12:44

Thanks mamma- I am still feeling a bit upset. Just going out with my Mum shopping,. then bugger him I will get a takeaway for tea and spend the evening playing Cluedo with the kids. He still hasn't noticed his dirty underpants and tomorrow's work trousers lying in the front garden!! Ha Ha!!

mammadiggingdeep · 30/03/2014 12:45

Painty fingers...

So sorry for your friend.

I think that puts everything into perspective really.

I'm happy just to have a lazy day with my gorgeous dc. Nothing special but enjoying every moment :)