Just had the "I've paid for everything and now you're going to steal it all" conversation

[Amicus1966]

Have told DH that I cannot live like this much longer so he really needs to push the estate agent re selling the house so we can both find somewhere else.
He has come at me with a tirade of how HE put the majority of the money into the property, how he pays all the bills ( including HIS sky sports) and that I can't expect to just walk off with half the proceeds from " his" house.
Seems to have completely overlooked the fact that I have spent eleven years liking after our children so he could go to work, play golf whenever he felt like it and bugger off on his all boys golfing hols.
Tried to explain that the proceeds from the sale have to be split to but a home for him and a home for me AND his DCs. Have also explained that neither of us will be able to afford a 4 bed detached with downstairs cloakroom and master bedroom with ensure (which we currently have) so get over it!
He is stalling as he doesnot want to leave this house. Neither do I but hey ho shit happens.
He has come out with the classic line that "all women are gold diggers", and "home wreckers".
He just doesn't get that downsizing is the only option and says the DCs are going to hate me for making them move into a "cramped hovel" as he calls it.
Why do they have to be so awkward when things are hard enough already?

[antimatter]

i am not 100% sure but as you are looking after the kids after the split shouldn't you be getting 60% of combined assets?

That includes car, his construction business value etc.

[Lweji]

Yes, a specialist solicitor will be able to advise regarding what a fair split will be.

[SabrinaMulhollandJjones]

Sounds like a seriously financially abusive relationship, amicus.

How does he play golf/get sky tv packages/goes on boys holidays etc while you're struggling to make £10 last a week for food I hope you're not still cooking for him.

[Amicus1966]

Well that's what I've been trying to work out.
I went through some bank statements and he pays himself a set amount each month which never varies that is transferred from the business account to his personal account.
The DDs from that cover the mortgage, council tax, gas & electric, payment for the car and his ugly sofa and his precious SKY package.
I had assumed that he always had some left over each month but the amount he pays himself just covers the above payments.
So where is the money coming from that pays for his golfing hols, equipment, golf shoes (at £80 a pop) and his green fees which I have discovered were £1,000 last year plus a joining fee( he changed his golf club) of £1,200?
Not to mention the brand new laptop he had delivered last month.
If there's no spare money left over after each months payments how is he paying for these extras ?

[Lweji]

So, either he's using business money, or he transfers money to another secret account, or he's into debt.

[Gen35]

Discuss the possible income hiding with your lawyer. At least you do have good equity in the house that he can't get around!

[Amicus1966]

Well he's definitely not in debt.
He hates owing money and would rather go without than get into debt.
As for using business money, if he is then it has to be cash payment jobs that he isn't putting through the books otherwise it would show up on the business bank statements and I went through them last night and there were no discrepencies.
I know he has a couple of other personal accounts but there's been no obvious activity in either in or out.

[Amicus1966]

Anyway have made an appointment with the solicitor but she can't see me until a week tomorrow......so we could have all died if starvation by then

[Gen35]

Just an idea Amicus but can you ask him for extra money to help out? Personally I'd do it over email and if he refuses, you've got evidence of his helpfulness to the lawyer. Any normal person would give their partner extra short term finds in your situation.

[mummytime]

Is it a limited company? I would suggest he is taking most money out as dividends or being dodgy with expenses. The former is a good way to reduce tax.

Or he is doing cash in hand jobs.

[Amicus1966]

Think I'll just wait for him to make himself a cuppa and there's no milk. See if the penny drops.
RE dividends: none over the last year as they would have to show up somewhere on the spreadsheets.
Has to be cash jobs which is what I thought last night. Don't think the tax man would be too impressed which is In my favour if he does refuse to co operate with this separation.

[Amicus1966]

Yes it is a Ltd company.
Have only looked back over the last year as prior to that I did his books for him then just handed the finished paperwork over to the accountant.
Then again, he did manage to conceal my 'wages' even from me until TC office contacted me of the overpayment, so not sure how he's doing the deed.

[GillTheGiraffe]

Doesn't a limited company require 2 directors? Are you the 2nd director or is there someone else - that may be where the money is going?

[Amicus1966]

Sorry Gill let me pick myself up off the floor from laughing: no chance it's gone to the other Director cos that would be me

[GillTheGiraffe]

I wouldn't be laughing, I'd be worried, because if your fellow director is hiding money then you too may be liable. That's why you have at least 2 directors - so one can oversee the other.

[SabrinaMulhollandJjones]

Interesting first post.

[DustBunnyFarmer]

I notice that Ocean11 has just posted something similarly inflammatory on another thread. Hmmm.

[Gen35]

Ocean you sound like a troll to me, just saw your other post about men wanting to get away from their 'nagging' wives and were all shagging around. Bog off!

[MexicanSpringtime]

Ocean11, who are you calling gold diggers? The idea is to look after the future of the children and now it turns out the OP could be in problems as she is a company director and things may not be as straight as they should be.

[Dozer]

OP, you really need that legal advice, on being a director of his company too, you could be liable for his actions.

[Amicus1966]

Agree about the legal advice but she can't see me till next Friday so I'll have to sit on my hands till then.
Stupidly it never occurred to me that I could be construed as colluding with his actions, damn.
Better forget using that as leverage.
Obviously a big mistake handing the book keeping duties over to him.
Back to square one it seems.

[mummytime]

Do you have account/book keeping qualifications? If so I would take some time out to comb through the books.

If you suspect there are irregularites then it is still better that you inform HMRC rather than then suspecting themselves. They do have lee way to be less harsh if they believe you are being co-operative.

I would be looking for: less profit than you would expect, payments to another company, less work than you would expect for how busy he has been.

[Lweji]

As a director and if he's fiddling with the books, you could probably start an internal enquiry, as he is also responsible before you.
Do ask about it, but I'd assume you could take him to court on behalf of the company.