Just had the "I've paid for everything and now you're going to steal it all" conversation

[Amicus1966]

Have told DH that I cannot live like this much longer so he really needs to push the estate agent re selling the house so we can both find somewhere else.
He has come at me with a tirade of how HE put the majority of the money into the property, how he pays all the bills ( including HIS sky sports) and that I can't expect to just walk off with half the proceeds from " his" house.
Seems to have completely overlooked the fact that I have spent eleven years liking after our children so he could go to work, play golf whenever he felt like it and bugger off on his all boys golfing hols.
Tried to explain that the proceeds from the sale have to be split to but a home for him and a home for me AND his DCs. Have also explained that neither of us will be able to afford a 4 bed detached with downstairs cloakroom and master bedroom with ensure (which we currently have) so get over it!
He is stalling as he doesnot want to leave this house. Neither do I but hey ho shit happens.
He has come out with the classic line that "all women are gold diggers", and "home wreckers".
He just doesn't get that downsizing is the only option and says the DCs are going to hate me for making them move into a "cramped hovel" as he calls it.
Why do they have to be so awkward when things are hard enough already?

[SabrinaMulhollandJjones]

So you'd rather she have state benefits than her dh pay what she's legally entitled to fifi?

[Amicus1966]

Er yes it has all HAD to come from CB because he has never so much as paid for a pair of his DCs socks.
So don't feel TOO sorry for him.
BRW I'm not sure what your problem is but you really need to get rid of that bug up your arse.
It takes a lot to rile me but you are getting pretty close.

[fifi669]

I'm not a man and I'm not the OW thank you. I've been a parent on my own and now in a happy relationship.

I know the OP wanted 50% but was being offered less. I originally stated she should make sure it's 50% of everything. Beyond that I think is unfair. I would say the same regardless of incomes and whether both worked or none at all.

Do you think if they both worked that she should get 50% or is it just because she stayed at home?

[Amicus1966]

Where the f**k have I mentioned claiming JSA

?

[SabrinaMulhollandJjones]

Fifi, have you thought about a career with f4j? They have surprisingly similar views to you.

Are you married?

[fifi669]

I said I agree with you, 50% is fair.

Other posters want you to clean him out and go for spousal maintenance, most of the assets etc which is unfair. I have no idea how anyone expects a civil relationship with the other parent after doing so.

Until a thread a month or so ago I didn't even realise you could get spousal maintenance in this country. It seems so backwards to say you can't survive yourself ( not your children) without a man paying for you.

Yes I'd rather someone is her situation claimed benefits until they found work rather than make their ex pay for a life's tyke they're no longer part of.

[fifi669]

It was said you need SM as you have no job. I said you could claim JSA like everyone else.

[TheCatThatSmiled]

Fifi if you want to get on a soap box, stop arguing, derailing this thread and open your own one. I'd suggest AIBU. This section of MN is Relationships. Its to support people who are having problems.

Its not about you.

[SabrinaMulhollandJjones]

"clean him out." Are you for real fifi?

She won't clean him out - he will still have his business and the exact same earning potential as during the marriage. The OP gave up
her earning potential for the sake of the family (including him).

[fifi669]

I agreed with the OP and said others were being greedy. As they responded to me, I've responded to them.

[Dozer]

OP, sorry, not read whole thread, have you seen a lawyer and started sorting out a financial settlement based on their advice? Sounds like the way forward. Your ex's views on women and the situation aren't relevant, it's about what the law says is reasonable.

You shouldn't be sleeping on the sofabed now, or in the future, you're as important and deserving of a bed as anyone else in the family.

[fifi669]

She gave it up and is getting half the assets in return! She's not getting nothing! Plus posters are telling her to go for half the business too!

[Amicus1966]

Fifi I came in here looking for advice on whether I was being unfair asking my DH to contribute towards a home for me and his DCs.
But if you think I'm being unreasonable towards a man who thinks it's okay to swan out of 'his'house' whilst I'm trying to superglue his youngest DCs school shoes back together then I'm obviously in the wrong.

[SabrinaMulhollandJjones]

Oh give it a rest with your posturing and the !!!! fifi.

You're talking rubbish - it's what the law says she's entitled to to stop women who gave up work to look after their children being unfairly financially disadvantaged after a marriage breakdown.

[GillTheGiraffe]

I'd ignore a certain poster.

[Dozer]

Fifi, "you split the assets 50/50" In your view. The law probably says otherwise in this case. If you have a problem with that, campaign for legal change.

[GillTheGiraffe]

This'll piss you off Fifi - I got 70% and I was working.

[TheCatThatSmiled]

Amicus my lovely, ignore Fifi. Its a very difficult time for you, I understand that you want to keep it as amicable as humanly possible - and that living in the same house as him is so difficult.

You are entitled to a certain amount of the joint family assets, you have been the prime carer for you DH.

just because he wants it all his own way, doesn't mean it will BE that way - that includes the house, finances and who looks after the children.

He'll also be aware that if he has the kids mon - fri YOU may well end up paying HIM CM.

Hes a selfish, greedy, devious fucker. But then if he was a lovely man you wouldn't be wanting to get away from him.

Get thee to a solicitor. Another one (the advice you got last time seemed wishy washy at best)

[Amicus1966]

Fifi if I take your advice of a fair 50/50 split then, as has been pointed out to me on this thread, it should amount to 50% of £263,000 not £160,00 as I originally thought.

[TheCatThatSmiled]

In fact if you post in Legal (name change if you need to ) you could ask for recccommenations for good divorce solicitors in your area.

[fifi669]

Gill - how was that justified? I really don't get it!

Sabrina - the SAHP would be on the same footing at the end of the marriage. From then on is not the ex partners concern.

Amicus - I've stated over and over what you were asking was fair. Just above and beyond that as other people are suggesting you go for, to me, isn't.

And you wonder why men call women gold diggers! On that note I'm off to bed.....

[fifi669]

OP 50% of everything. Yes the higher figure, that's what I agreed with.

[GillTheGiraffe]

As far as residency is concerned, it's not what he wants, it's just as much about what you want, but most of all it's what's best for the children.

If your are a SAHM then continue to be a SAHM for as long as necessary. Divorce is a huge upheaval for children, it's sensible to keep as much continuity in their lives as possible.

I don't think any Court would look sympathetically on a father who didn't want to have his children at weekends because it intereferd with his golf!

And you should not even be thinking of enabling him.

[SabrinaMulhollandJjones]

No, fifi, the sahp has, by definition, taken a break in their career. They are not on the same footing after the marriage - whereas the working parent is. They will have the children to look after as well - children who will need as much stability in life as possible.

They can't, after 11 years or however, out of the workplace, just pick up a job where they left off.

[SabrinaMulhollandJjones]

70% of the value of the house is common if you have the children living with you.