Why do some men want to sleep around?

[Tiredstilltired]

Why do some men want sex with lots of different women? I've heard countless friends say that men they meet on internet dating just want to shag around.
What is the appeal of lying about what you want simply to get a quick shag and then move onto the next. Why is that appealing? Surely sex gets better the more you have it with the same person?
What is the appeal in shagging lots of women once?

Thrill of the chase, novelty factor, because they can?

I think it becomes meaningless after a while and therefore someone who is constantly doing this must have some hole in their emotional profile they are trying to fill. They must be terrified of women.

So it's not the actual sex, more the ego boost that they got a woman into bed?
Why are most women not like this? Genuine question?
Do men need their ego massaged more than women?

There are many women who want to sleep around also.

There is a world of difference between polyamorous/polygamous/open sexual relationships, and deceitful shaggers/cheaters.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coolidge_effect

So it's not the actual sex, more the ego boost that they got a woman into bed?

No, it's certainly the actual sex too. Or rather, it's the actual sexual arousal. People aren't motivated to shag someone by a dispassionate appraisal of how good the last time was (and when considering shagging a stranger, there's no "last time" to go on anyway). They're motivated by how horny they feel. And men seem to feel a increased boost of horniness when aroused by someone new.

Why are most women not like this? Genuine question?

As caramel said and the link refers to, it is known to be true of women as well, just not as strongly as for men. Noone really knows why. Evolutionary psychologists have various suggestions mostly based on the differing consequences for men and women of each complete act of sex, pregnancy and child rearing, but that depends how much one believes in evolutionary psychology.

I wouldn't start trying to convince yourself that it's all about stuff external to the sex. It seems to be the case that men just feel a huge amount of desire to shag lots of different people (varying by individual, of course). Even men in long term monogamous relationships maintain those relationships despite that conflicting desire; it's not like it just disappears. Hence all the threads on here by women unhappy about their partners' porn habits.

I disagree with "it is known to be true of women as well, just not as strongly as for men.."

Caramel - Sorry I thought that was what you meant by "There are many women who want to sleep around also."

In scientific terms, however, it is know to be true of women as well - in that studies have shown the higher levels of arousal the occur due to potential of sex with a novel partner (although the difference is much smaller than it is for men).

Because they can I suppose.

Maybe they can't sustain a relationship and still sexually want the other person. The romantic and sexual ideal they have in their head gets tainted with normal day to day worries and responsibilities and reality of the other person.

I don't know really. I suppose they just want sex and not love. Or they mistake sex for love.

When I say they, I mean men or women:)

It is generally more men than women though. Often on mn it is women complaining that men just want a quick shag. Whereas it is less common to hear women saying that (although some do).

Recent statistics show that women are more likely to be unfaithful than men. I'm more inclined to believe that.

www.womansday.com/sex-relationships/dating-marriage/infidelity-in-marriage

Fact #6: Women cheat just as much as men, and their affairs are more dangerous.

An Indiana University study shows that men and women cheat at the same rate. But “the reasons the sexes cheat are different,” says Orlando. He explains women are more likely to cheat for emotional satisfaction. “Online cheating—without any physical contact—is the most damaging type of infidelity,” says Orlando. Becoming emotionally invested in another person means you’ve likely checked out of your marriage. But if it’s just sex, it’s less about attachment and more about a hurtful mistake.

I think more men are unfaithful than women.

www.examiner.com/article/men-who-are-victims-of-female-infidelity-are-usually-the-last-to-know

Current Rate of Female Infidelity

In an article on paternity determinations, Ph.D., Charles E. Corry reports that around 400,000 DNA paternity tests are now done each year and consistently 30% of such tests show the man is not the father of a child that he thought was his. Obviously, if rape is not a factor, the conclusion is that the woman involved had an affair, or cheated on their mates. See Study on Mothers Who Cheat

I think it's fairly even.

Gert -

I think those statistics about roughly equal numbers of men and women cheating are pretty well established. "Cheating" is not the same thing as "sleeping around" though. You can cheat within a relationship with monogamous expectations by entering into a different single, continuing sexual relationship, or you can cheat by going to prostitutes every weekend. Or anything in between. Raw numbers about how many people are unfaithful to their primary relationship don't really tell us anything about their attitude towards how promiscuous they want to be.

Anyway, the OP wasn't about people cheating, it was about why "some men want sex with lots of different women... why they "just want to shag around". ie - why some men don't even want to be in relationship at all, but just have lots of sex with different people. Cheating doesn't really come into it then because there's no monogamous starting point to cheat from.

It does indeed seem that more men than women want this.

My apologies, wrong end of the stick!

Although I would argue the point that I have both male and female friends (aged between 38 and 52, if that helps) who use dating sites. The men, who by and large are quite traditional and expect to date they would have at 15 - date 1, good night kiss, date 2, with tongues, maybe date 3 if you're lucky - and they are finding women hurling themselves at them for a shag after a dinner and bottle of plonk

My female friends are rampant One will drive the length and breadth of the country every weekend for a shag with some sort she's picked up.

It's a different world out there.

Well your comments are anecdotal, but then so are those of the OP.

So whatever...

I don't have any official evidence or research, just general insight, but some men seem to want to sleep around and not commit on any level. As soon as they've got their leg over, they move on. I was just contemplating why is this? What do they get out of the experience?

I'm married, but referring to friends experiences.

If you dont think that women are like this then you are eithwr very old or very naive!

Variety and freedom it's really that simple.

I think some women are like this, but less so than men. Maybe it depends on the age of people too.

I dont think it is in my generation and come on most people love thinking about sex with loads of different people even when married cause its a thrill, sexy and your married not dead. Nowt wrong with that.

Thinking about it and actually doing it are very different things though.

Well most people have a period of shagging everyone before marriage/settling in down. Internet sex is ridiculous now I have friends meeting men for sex every week but dont want relationships. Its the thrill of the chase and a meet up, fuck in a hotel, night out drinking. Blame POF its just easy now

Lots of people like recreational sex with no commitment. It's actually quite healthy (as long as you use condoms). It's the people who are desperate to turn every date, sexual encounter or friendly hello into a committed relationship who are the inadequate ones.

There is nothing at all wrong with wanting to have lots of different sexual partners as long as you are honest. Though being honest doesn't always keep you safe from desperate, deluded types who think that because you've said Hello to them on a dating site the two of you are engaged...