Why do some men want to sleep around?

[Tiredstilltired]

Why do some men want sex with lots of different women? I've heard countless friends say that men they meet on internet dating just want to shag around.
What is the appeal of lying about what you want simply to get a quick shag and then move onto the next. Why is that appealing? Surely sex gets better the more you have it with the same person?
What is the appeal in shagging lots of women once?

Women don't actually, biologically need men for anything apart from sperm. Throughout human history, there have been incidences -f groups/tribes/families made up predominantly of women looking after each other (sometimes because most or all of the young/middle-aged men have been killed in wars). Women can, once impregnated, go off and have their children alone or supported by other women (or other men who didn't provide the relevant sperm) whereas men who want children have to keep the woman around long enough for her to give birth and BF.

So all the control mechanisms (including all religion) have been invented by men, and all insist that women are weak, vulnerable, helpless and dependent when it's actually all about men needing women and needing to make sure that women don't or can't run off.

Monogamy was invented for the protection of lower status males. It allows them a chance to get a mate and prevented high status males from bagging much more than their fair share of the females.

Because they can.

SGB you're conflating and running a strawman argument.

Who said anything about NEED? - I didn't suggest that either sex NEEDS the other.

The point was about Monogamy, and that as a concept it actually 'benefits' women more than men - common sense tells you this. With respect I think you've been drinking the feminism kool-aid for bit too long on this one.

Oh hello again Ola.

The gene is selfish - it acts to propagate itself. Many species pair bond and are monogamous because one way to ensure the continuation of the gene ie the offspring reaching sexual maturity is to have two parents invested in a healthy pregnancy and a healthy child. Just as the Emperor penguin lays the egg, leaves it with the father to hatch and then brings back food to the chick. The males of the group work together to keep warm during winter. Who drank the kool aid there?

Errrr.....hello Snatch.....(again?)

whereas men who want children have to keep the woman around long enough for her to give birth and BF

Actually men who wants children just have to have sex with a lot of women and hope they get support by other women and men who didn't provide the sperm.
Marriage has been for the benefit of women, to prevent men from moving from one woman to another once pregnant.

^"Actually men who wants children just have to have sex with a lot of women and hope they get support by other women and men who didn't provide the sperm.
Marriage has been for the benefit of women, to prevent men from moving from one woman to another once pregnant"^

Exactly! [DOFFS HAT].

This idea that monogamy & marriage were "...all invented to control women" is rubbish - it makes no sense. This is what happen when you take 'reality' and try and make it fit a into a 'theory' (in this case, I dare say feminist theory), when of course you should letting reality guide your theory.

Sorry but that argument doesn't make biological sense. If the man impregnates the woman and runs away, that doesn't mean he gets to have children. She might have been getting pregnant by another man; she might miscarry or choose to abort and, if he's run away, he has no way of knowing whether he's become a father or not or whether the baby she has is his if he stays close enough for long enough to discover that she's pregnant.

Monogamy and marriage were invented by men to ensure that they were in control of women's fertility, by making sure that the woman they wanted to breed from didn't have sex with anyone else.

And hidden fertility was "invented" by women to make sure the males would stick around protecting their investment and making sure what they protected was theirs.

How much women need men or not depends a lot on circumstances.
With relatively low population densities and relatively high resources, matriarchal family units may work well.
With high population densities and low resources, it's more likely that competition for resources and mates increases. Therefore, more violence and males forcing themselves on women, even killing their offspring. In those cases, having men around is useful for defence. And for men to risk their lives, they will want to know that they are protecting their own genes, not a random pool that may have been generated by a small percentage of men.

Look on the Internet and find a piece Ayn Rand wrote called The Meaning Of Sex. It describes the physiological profile of men's sexual habits.

She also wrote a paper on The Meaning Of Money that is worth reading.

I know plenty of men and women who do so however we have an open marriage and are also swingers so I guess that is not the 'norm'. As a man I think it is the thrill of the chase and the excitement of having sex with someone new. IME it appears that men will say whatever it takes to get a woman into bed.

Two things strike me after reading this....

• Who are all these male beasts having recreational sex with? Each other? No... obv it is with female ladies of the opposite gender, so guess what? Females like recreational sex too, who have thought eh Tired?

• And no matter how many times posters give clear, rational comments, or even retell personal experiences to answer Tired's original question, op still doesn't grasp that recreational sex is something that a very great many enjoy.

SGB

Ultimately no one can say with 100% confidence who benefits most and why the bonding of two people came about. It's an unknown so we are all simply taking shots in the dark.

There are lots of theories and 'the evolutionary origins of patriarchy' by Barbara Smutts is a good one. However, it is exactly that, theory.

Being monogamous benefits everyone, well it does in our household anyway.

I can understand men (and women) wanting to have lots of sex when they are younger, it's fun and you're more carefree then. What gets me is indeed these middle aged men on dating sites who are spoilt for choice of lovely women who they are treating them like shit and then moving onto the next one.....I think these men are just selfish by nature and not very nice. I have a middle aged lady friend who sleeps about all the time and tells me she's having fun, I'm not convinced, I think she is looking for a relationship and is now willing to take any scrap of affection she can get, all very depressing stuff. Men seem to be able to detach more and just see it as a physical act but I still think by the time they reach their 40s and 50s and are putting it about is really about them not being very nice characters.

It's all bollocks. I am in a long term up until a few weeks ago, monogamous relationship and now we are exploring non-monogamy. It might be my hormones, my age (early 40s) I don't know, but I do like a lot of sex with different partners, sometimes. As does DH. It has fuck all to do with self respect and morals and more to do with not keeping my sexuality all boxed up so as not to disgust anyone. We are not "out" in RL about it though.

Men and women who have multiple sexual partners in their 30s, 40s and beyond is really quite grim. Who wants to be known as a 'shagger', it is a massive turn off for most people.
I don't even think that many young women enjoy 'recreational sex' with lots of men. Many are looking for affection, care and commitment. Sex is great but who wants to be another shag to someone you barely know.

Why not though? To some of us, it's just a fun shag.

I would explain it as follows (why people like to have recreational sex, not just men): there are more people to whom you are sexually attracted than would make a good relationship. Having sex is about fulfilling lust in response to a pretty primitive biological attraction. Love is something else entirely.

I find your responses very old-fashioned and modeled on the idea that for women, sex is something to be given away, grim, gives you a bad reputation. This is very out-dated thinking. Why on earth can't a woman enjoy sex with a sexy good-looking man? Why do they have to have a relationship with them- I have met lots and lots of very good-looking men in my life but very few that had the combination of possessing an amazing intellect, being emotionally mature, available, successful and caring and all the stuff I was looking for in a man.

Some people do equate love and lust, I have a friend who does and internet dating for her was a misery for the reasons Dahlen specifies- people are not upfront about what they want and so she got hurt many times.

For others though, lust and love are two entirely different beasts.

You can say it is grim or will harm your reputation if you are sleeping with multiple partners, but to whom? Who cares? Their behaviour is obviously fascinating to you in some way.

Cunty: if that's what rocks both your boats then good for you, personally, there is no way on earth I want sex with anyone apart from one man, my man, he's enough for me and vice versa, not sharing him or myself with anyone else, that's what makes a relationship special for me.

I had ONS's when younger but really you can't have that great sex with a stranger, you actually need to know each other's bodies and what works for each other so although it was a quick fix at the time, it was never really that satisfying.

I'm glad I feel this way, I don't know if I could cope with the emotional side of sleeping with various men.

I just prefer to have sex with one partner.
Yes some people seem to enjoy sex with multiple people. Each to their own. Of course I find other men sexy, but I am committed to one partner and vice versa.
Even if I was single, I wouldn't engage on recreational sex. Of course every day I see attractive men, but I certainly wouldn't want to shag someone new every night.
It's not old fashioned, it's just a different view.
As I've said sex is great, but multiple partners whenever I fancy getting my leg over. No thank you.
And I do think people judge men and women who sleep around lots. Wrong I know, but if a school mum was shagging a different guy each week just for fun, unfortunately, people would draw inferences from that.

When I was young and carefree I had quite a few one night stands and short flings. I noticed that some men suffer from Groucho Marx syndrome, ie women only turn them on if they feel they 'can't have them'.

Once they have had sex with a woman, she is instantly devalued as a potential date/ future shag because she is willing to sleep with them.

It makes no logical sense at all but ime men are often illogical in their approach to relationships.

Tired: for a start where do you live to see attractive looking men, none in my town!

I too don't see having sex with just once person as old fashioned, it's a personal preference and desire, you can't make yourself want to sleep with different men.

I still think even today men are not judged for shagging about whereas woman, esp older ones are, and usually by women!