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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

my husband goes AWOL

119 replies

amals1 · 22/03/2014 21:11

I'm going to sound like the biggest loser, but I literally have no idea where my husband is. I've been married for 6yrs and have young sons but my husband walks out on a weekly basis. I'm now at a point were I don't know what to think. He won't answer calls or texts and I always beg him to come home back to us. I'm beyond pathetic!

OP posts:
fortyplus · 22/03/2014 21:13

Go and stay with a friend so he comes home to an empty house!

sneakyday · 22/03/2014 21:13

Is he walking out on you on a weekly basis? You cant live like that wouldnt life be easier without that stress?

Guitargirl · 22/03/2014 21:13

Huh?

Do you mean he always goes at the same time each week? Or does this happen after an argument or something?

HectorVector · 22/03/2014 21:17

Husbands do not go AWOL, unless they're up to something. :(
Sorry.
Unless he has unlimited funds or is staying with family, he's probably with someone else. Does he cause arguments on purpose just so he can leave?

Original poster
amals1 · 22/03/2014 21:18

He just manages not to come home. Could be after work, running an errand. The majority of times there aren't any arguments. I'm just drained.

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 22/03/2014 21:19

What is his behaviour like the rest of the time?

HectorVector · 22/03/2014 21:20

Have you actually asked him where he goes?

BIWI · 22/03/2014 21:22

Put the chain on the door and go to bed.

Guitargirl · 22/03/2014 21:22

Where does he say he's been when he gets home?

Secret smoker? Drugs? Other woman/man? Just likes playing mind games?

Whereisegg · 22/03/2014 21:23

Bloody hell op, what a twat he is!

Is there any legal reason you can't change the locks?

Original poster
amals1 · 22/03/2014 21:24

Helps with the kids, house etc. Is loving but the minute he walks out the door Im on edge. He says there's no1 else but I have no trust in him. How can someone just go out and stay gone for days. Usually on weekends. I feel alone and to blame. I've always just left the door open for him to do this.

OP posts:
ormirian · 22/03/2014 21:26

Hi amals, my husband went through a phase of doing this. He would simply not come home from work. Usually he was just in the pub but sometimes he wasn't.I hated turning up looking for him like Flo Capp but sometimes I had to. Sometimes I couldn't find him. Often I didn't see him fir 48 hours. We had a young baby at the time. But there was a reason of sorts. His father had just died and there were 'issues'....heaps and heaps of them. He sorted it out but it left its mark. I never totally got over the resentment.

You need to tackle it.What reason does he give? It can't go on.

Catsmamma · 22/03/2014 21:27

empty the bank account, he'll soon come home when he has no money.

why are you tolerating this abuse?

HectorVector · 22/03/2014 21:28

I'm sorry but I truly believe he is with another woman, and I think you do too.

The next time he goes AWOL, do not let him return.

Original poster
amals1 · 22/03/2014 21:28

I seperated from him for two months late last year and I felt relief. But almost every day my boys would ask for him and I felt guilty.

OP posts:
fortyplus · 22/03/2014 21:28

For days?? That's so far removed from normal behaviour I'd issue an ultimatum. You are being take for a ride - he's got someone else and he's an arse.

Doinmummy · 22/03/2014 21:29

My friends husband did this- he was taking drugs. It's unacceptable and you should not have to put up with this amount of stress.

He was lovely when he was at home and good company etc but she lives on her nerves wondering when / if he would come home.

Original poster
amals1 · 22/03/2014 21:30

HectorVector I don't know what to think. I'm just ashamed.

OP posts:
thenightsky · 22/03/2014 21:30

Bloody hell OP.

He sounds like a tom cat rather than a husband.

Sad
cozietoesie · 22/03/2014 21:36

I don't actually think he's got another woman but I do think he's got clear problems. That doesn't help you though and - to a degree - you're enabling him by allowing him to go and yet always being there to provide 'safe haven' when he decides to return.

You can't go on like this. And the boys might ask for him at the moment but what is the situation going to be in a few years if he just leaves when he feels like it? What stability does it give them.

He's playing with you and not facing up to this relationship and his responsibilities for the DCs. I'd leave him directly and forge a new and independent life for you and the children.

fortyplus · 22/03/2014 21:37

amals1 you have no reason to be ashamed - he does!

cozietoesie · 22/03/2014 21:37

Do you have family or friends nearby who know about this or could provide you with some support?

Back2Two · 22/03/2014 21:39

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns

Aussiebean · 22/03/2014 21:41

You should not be the one ashamed.

The man child who walks out on his wife and child every week, leaves her frantic and their child upset with no apology or a reasonable explanation and an assurance it won't happen again.

The shame here is not yours.

Change the locks and go away for a few days. He should not have this power of you.

BoffinMum · 22/03/2014 21:42

Take control of the money and change the locks so he has to ask to be let in.