50 shades of idiot: silly tales of the abusive ex (meant lightheartedly but also could be triggering)

[Cakehanded]

Namechanged in case any of this outs me but something I had to do today brought back loads of memories of my abusive exH, some that are very deep 'kind-of healed' wounds but some that seem like silly little things but things that I never got to have a go at him for and never told anyone in RL as I didn't want the pitying looks. I'd still like to be able to talk about them somewhere though and get it out into the virtual open, maybe even have a laugh about it if I can so going to do that here.

Anyone else is more than welcome to chip in with tales of the idiot they've left (or even if you haven't if you want to!), I hope nobody finds me starting the thread too triggering/offensive.

1 - When I left, leaving virtually all of mine and baby ds's worldly goods behind but taking what I thought was a restrained 50% of the cash in our current account (which was not a lot at all) to support us he emailed that he thought I was unreasonable as he didn't understand why I'd 'drained' the account as he couldn't see what I'd need it for. 'Dear' ExH, shall I write you a list? Nappies, food, shelter, bills, any of that ringing any bells? Considering you haven't paid any maintenance for 6 years I assume you're still confused and think ds and I live in a field sustained by the smell of flowers.

2 - He said I had 'strange eyes'. No more explanation mind, that was just listed as one of the things I'd done wrong in our relationship, had 'strange eyes'.

3 - Another thing I'd done wrong was that I was 'obsessed with psychology'. Could almost seem a vaguely rational point until I say we met at uni, when I'd just started a degree - anyone like to guess the subject of the degree?

Feeling better already!

Oh, all three! Definitely.

No, that won't do.

"Here lies Merlincat,

She married beneath her"

Here lies Merlincat

Good-natured finder of cat and decorator of Christmas trees

Mourned and missed by her Mumsnet friends, who clearly love her more than twunt ex.

The thing is, looking back ( and I have been since reading this thread ) it creeps in , doesn't it.
Ex p didn't say to me " Lets move in together so I can be verbally abusive & you can bankroll me" , it was a drip effect, " I'm in a little bit of debt, Thatime, so can you cover the rent/ foodshop/ Xmas etc" , but he always had going out money ( they paid for him, apparently )
Just glad that on the night it hit the fan I was surrounded by people who knew what he was like & told me everything.
20 years on and the best revenge is having a normal dh ( crap at birthdays, but lovely with everything else )and a nice life.

when dc1 was newborn, told me i was a 'shit mum' because i had to refer to that birth to five book they give you quite a lot. it got worse.

oh and called me fat constantly - i was a size 10!

Cakey I think your H is abusive.

I forgot that sugar boy told everyone that I had finished with him because I was dying of cancer. Obviously that could be the only reason.

My first BF went on & on about how he wished I was taller, thinner & had bigger boobs & short blonde hair. I was 5'4", size 10 with long dark hair - why the hell did he ask me out in the first place?

He used to get really angry & shake his fist at me & at other people - once I was driving & he leant out of the passenger window to brandish his fist at a car+caravan I'd just overtaken, his brand new sunglasses blew off his face & were run over by the car+caravan behind He was then furious that I was amused. He also used to drive to the pub half a mile away & then try to persuade me to have a lift home after five pints. What a twat.

Second BF had a seriously kinky line in using polythene bags over his head during sex Many years later he was found dead in a hotel room because of just such a prank

DH is just an arse, but I'm working on that.

OK, I've got another one.

Because of twunt dragging me off to a crapping hell country I hate, and going on ahead, I had to get him to front me the money to start a bank account (so I could receive my wages - another story there!). I filled in all the forms with his bank manager, who then rang him to authorise the transfer (of a really nominal amount - less than a day's wages). She talks for a minute-ish, then passes me the phone:

Twunt: Hi, I don't really know what's going to happen between, so I'll authorise this transfer, but I'm going to need a receipt from you.

Me: Errm.

NB this was after two years of me blipping over all but

Ex-P, so many faults, so little time to list them all! Haha.

Let me see. 6 foot 3 and a big strapping hero of a man, to the outside world, except he bullied me mercilessly for the last 3 years of our relationship. Such a tough guy, oh and he was scared of horror movies! True story. Had a meltdown outside the cinema when I wanted to watch Hannibal. He got his own way (always did).

Behaviour ranged from accusing me of having sex with men at work, whilst at work, where I asked, "you must be at it in their cars", to threatening me with violence for wearing my crucifix to phoning me up to 30 times in 2 hours to check up on me.

When he finally dumped me for the last time (it was only ever over when he said it was over) his reason was that life was far too short to be with the likes of me and I was holding him back. I should have been hurt and offended but I was more relieved than anything. Previous splits just used to result in him stalking and harassing me until I caved in so when he paraded his new girlfriend past my house up to 5 times a day I was nearly turning cartwheels, until I had a closer look and she was eerily similar to me in appearance. Turns though he met his match with her though - they split soon after she tried to run him over (I wonder why!).

The first night I came out of hospital after having his firstborn son by c section, shellshocked, bleeding, doped up on all sorts, in pain and exhausted, I had to get up and do all the night feeds as exh was "too tired" and snored happily while I did it all

Wouldn't lift a finger in the house while I was recovering either. (Or ever, actually) I remember days after the birth being stood at the sink in agony washing pots and bottles with tears rolling down my face while exh sat on his fucking Xbox. My mum came and did a deep clean bless her. as she knew how much it was getting me down living in a shit tip I could do nothing about and knew he wouldn't.

Oh dear, how do we move through such absolute bleurgh! Ex broke his hand whilst he broke my jaw and his mum asked what I'd done to provoke him:( Loads more but, saving grace is courts initially allowed access twice a year and due to his behaviour that was supervised . Hubbie adopted my dc and thankfully she's had a good life free of the constant violence that was our relationship. He used to blame the fact that I was in uni etc for the downfall of our relationship ! Still upsets me now that I was so trusting:( and then I look at her studying medicine and I'm like fu!

weesazz, only "tried to"? I was hoping for a happier ending than that .

'Get over your hormones' (4 months after ds was born and I had pnd) ' or I will take baby ds to Iran where my mum will happily look after him'.

When we were 150 miles from home, in car with 2 pre school age ds, and he was having a major road rage rant with another (equally moronic) motorist, them both effing and blinding in front of the dc, ... I managed to eventually get him to drive off and not follow through with his death threats!..he then berated me all the way home as a 'proper wife would have let him stay and sort the other guy, and would have got on with it and driven the dc home'.

It's the way I pick em! (Embarrassed emoticon)

You know the cards you get can buy for Mother's Day or birthdays. The ones that have large words on the front listing things you love about your mum. Ep would buy one for my dd to give to me, he would choose one listing all the traits he said I didn't have. Like kindness, being caring etc.

He would get her to give it to me and I would cry.

He met someone after we split up, she is a nice person I logged his violence with the police in the town they live just in case, he told me tales of how he threatened her abusive ex because of how he treated her in the past. I asked him if he had told her about the time he kicked me in the stomach a few months after I had had a c-section. I guess he didn't!

I too was regularly called fat. Err I was in my early 20's and no more than a size 8. I look at him now and chuckle, glad to see the booze has taken its toll!

Ha ha ha! That story about the twat's sunglasses flying off is the best thing I've heard for ages :)

Why oh why oh why did any of us swallow this crap...

Oh god, the memories are flooding back ... I've listed some on this thread earlier. But now remembering the most awful Christmas. Our two kids about 10 and 12. As always, I'd really gone to town, Christmas Tree, thoughtfully chosen pressies, lovely Christmas stockings for kids, 'D'H, who was shagging my best friend - yes, I knew about it, but stuck with him, due to threats of 'ruining kids' lives (and his sodding reputation, BIG noise in Golf Club, Rotary etc.) and anyway, if I left, he'd make sure kids and me never saw a penny from him (was the 1970s)

So - his parents with us Christmas Day (nice people - how did they produce such a shitbag son?) Everyone opened lovely presents I'd chosen. Just ONE present from him ... one of those 'fold-up' travelling alarm clocks. As I looked at him, he sniggered, and told me, kids, his parents that it hadn't cost him a penny, he got it as a gift from one of his suppliers (he was a building developer).

He then, after a few more gins, announced that 'oldgrandmama hasn't any friends ...' at which I went bloody BALLISTIC and said no wonder, when he was shagging my 'best' friend.

It wasn't a happy Christmas dinner. And yes, I divorced the shit eventually.

'I think we should have a baby because I could really do with a council house, i'll be able have me mates round and you can watch baby'

After flying into a rage over me 'lying' about how long I'd be at the supermarket (it was busier than I'd expected so it took me a bit longer), stbxh reduced me to tears and told me I didn't deserve to be a wife. He dragged my wedding ring from my finger and threw it across the road. I think we'd been married about six weeks.
Once DC were in bed I went out to search for it in the dark. Took me an hour to find it by which time it was sodding it down. So many cars had run over it, it was still circular but the shiny white gold was scuffed and dull.
I put it back on. To me, everytime I looked at it, it was a physical representation not of the lovely wedding we had, and the vows we took, but of what he had done to me and our relationship over time. Just like that ring, what was once bright and hopeful and perfect, was scuffed and dull and wrecked.

Curt

Aww curt

Curt, not that it's any consolation, but my exP (Toad) told me less than a year ago that he gave me my engagement ring only "for a bit of respectability" and he expected the DCs to laugh at me when he said that. They didn't and they still refuse to see him, not because of this, but because of everything else he did to us.

Today, DD was in tears, because he stole my bicycle in December and still refuses to give it back. She was crying because the Google Picture today was of a mum taking the kids out on their bike, which we obviously could not do. They think he gave my bike to the OW who he got pubic lice from.
I so feel like posting his photo on here.