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Relationships

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Original poster

Do you trust your H/P 100%?

87 replies

LayMeDown · 11/03/2014 15:07

I don't. I don't trust anyone 100%. My thinking is humans are not perfect, we are all flawed and corruptable and capable of mistakes. I think it is foolish, as an adult to completely trust or rely on another human.
I admit that due to previous experiences my thoughts may be skewed on this though. DH and I have been discussing this and he is pretty hurt that I dont 100% trust him. He argues that he has given me no reason to distrust him. He has been a loving and loyal partner for over 12 years and he deserves my trust.
I trust him as more than I trust anyone else in the world. I believe him to be a good honourable person. I am as sure as I can be that he has never and never intends to be unfaithful to me. But I am not capable of putting all my faith in someone, I have to hold something back. I am surprised this is news to him tbh, I have always been like this.
Am I weird and damaged?

OP posts:

Jan45 · 11/03/2014 15:14

No, I feel exactly the same way and I've not been cheated on to my knowledge or really had my heart broken.

I too don't think you can trust a partner 100%, esp after being on here!

No but seriously, perhaps you should have told a white lie there and told him 100?

RedandChecker · 11/03/2014 15:16

I don't know if you are wierd and damaged but if you are then so I am I. My DP also gets upset he actually asks me for the percentage of how much I trust him.

People think 100% trust is key for a working relationship. I don't, it doesn't bother me and like you I personally think that's dangerous.

noddyholder · 11/03/2014 15:19

I do because I don't really give it a lot of thought and I am of an age now where I think if he were to have an affair then it is something in him and is nothing really to do with me. I do trust most people though until I am proved otherwise. My ex was a dreadful cheat but it hasn't made me more suspicious or less trusting as I judge everyone on their own merits. My ex cheated for many reasons and it is who he is. If someone cheats though there is no going back for me. Life's too short and I am not interested in making it work with someone who has their head easily turned.

Squitten · 11/03/2014 15:23

I would probably say 99%. Whilst him cheating on me is the absolute last thing I think he would do, he is still a fallible human being so it's always possible, but also extremely unlikely.

I would probably rate myself the same TBH.

OldBeanbagz · 11/03/2014 15:24

I trust my husband 100% but we are business partners as well as husband & wife so we have a very close relationship. I think it's important in a relationship/marriage.

I never had any previous bad relationships so maybe i've been lucky in my love life.

LovesPeace · 11/03/2014 15:26

My ex always said I needed to trust more. I did trust him, never checked up on him, encouraged him to go out and about without me.

Of course, the irony was that he was cheating (trying to sext women 20 yrs younger, using prostitutes, going dogging).

So now I trust my partner, but I always have a Plan B, just in case.

FolkGirl · 11/03/2014 15:26

To me, 100% trust is a bit like blind faith. It's foolish. Not trusting someone 100% doesn't mean you don't trust them, it just means that you are keeping your wits about you.

But what do I know, I don't trust anyone!

enriquetheringbearinglizard · 11/03/2014 15:27

I trust my DH 100% and would stake my life on it. I wouldn't and haven't ever trusted anyone else 100%.

TheScreamingHeebieJeebies · 11/03/2014 15:34

I assume you mean 'do you 100% trust him to never cheat on you'? If so, then no. That would be ridiculous (blind faith, as FolkGirl said) - people and relationships change with time, you have to expect that. But I do 100% trust and believe that right now, he loves me and would never do anything intentionally to hurt me, and that's enough for me to want to spend my life with him. If I started having doubts about that, then I would question the point of the relationship.

noddyholder · 11/03/2014 15:34

It also depends on whether you consider being cheated on the worst case scenario in life! I don't I wouldn't be happy but life does go on and I have had worse things happen. My dp is a very trustworthy person though in all areas of his life.

Stockhausen · 11/03/2014 15:47

You can't trust anyone 100%..

However I trust that my husband values our family & marriage enough not to stray & vice versa.

Original poster

LayMeDown · 11/03/2014 15:48

Screaming Thats exactly what I mean. I feel the same way as you. Of course I dont believe being cheated on is the wort case scenario in life. There are many things worse. But is that because I have prepared myself for the possibility because I dont blindly believe I have insured myself against it by picking a man who would never cheat? I know I would get through it if it happened. I am not so sure I would get through other things (ie something happening one of my kids).

OP posts:

RoaringTiger · 11/03/2014 15:50

I put too much trust and belief into my partner when I first got with him...stupidly because it wasn't long before I got hurt quite badly (never cheated but putting family/friends before me verging on emotional abuse at times, unintentional I think-just easier to argue with me than place boundaries with his family) it took a lot of tears and cross words before he finally started to see why I was feeling like I was...a lot of work later and we are pretty much in the same place as each other in terms of wants and expectations in our relationship. The result of it all though is I've opened my eyes to know he can hurt me and so now I hold a part of me back and I have my contingency plan should I ever need it....

FolkGirl · 11/03/2014 15:52

Presumably, though, something happening to one of your children wouldn't have anything to do with whether you trust your partner or not.

In terms of breaking trust, I think it's pretty much at the top of the list. Probably equal to financial 'infidelity' - building up secret debts; taking out secret loans; spending family money of shit and then lying about it - in terms of the damage it does to a relationship.

Longdistance · 11/03/2014 15:52

No. I don't. Bi also have an run away fund. I don't think he trusts me either as I know he's hidden money too. But, I only found this out and then did the same myself. Although he's tucking away thousands, and hiding it .

Long story...

TheScreamingHeebieJeebies · 11/03/2014 15:56

LayMeDown did you say to him outright that you don't trust him? I reckon that would be hard for anyone to take, even if you explained the logic behind it. In his head he probably feels that he knows he'd never cheat.

You don't sound weird or damaged or untrusting to me - you sound strong and sensible!

Tryharder · 11/03/2014 16:27

There's a difference between actively not trusting someone and not trusting someone 100%.

We are all human and make mistakes. Someone who says that their DH would absolutely NEVER have an affair or sleep with someone else is naive. The DH may not intend to do so but all it takes is one drink too many or a friendship to go too fat etc.

rainbowsmiles · 11/03/2014 16:56

Definitely not. My husband is an attractive, intelligent and sexy man. I would expect attractive women to be attracted to him. Too much alcohol, a bad patch and an opportunity, who knows. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't cheat on me but I am not him and can't get inside his head so I just trust that he won't, what else can you do?? I'm not even sure I trust myself 100%...And I am in my own head.

Sexual fidelity is important though and either of us cheating would be the end of our marriage so I would see it as one of us using the emergency exit.

Notthecleverest · 11/03/2014 16:58

Not entirely. Because he's been secretive in the past. (5- and 10-years ago). But I'm not sure he'd risk it again.

Original poster

LayMeDown · 11/03/2014 17:00

Of course I didn't say I don't trust him. I do trust him as much as I am capable of trusting. I just don't trust anyone 100%.
No something happening to the kids is not linked to how much I trust my partner but I guess the holding back a bit of myself is an attempt to protect myself, and I can't do that with everything. But I can do it in my adult relationships.
The money is another good example. I wouldn't trust anyone 100% with money either I suppose. I manage the finances in our house, but if he did I don't think I would leave him to it and take no interest in it. It doesn't seem sensible to me.

OP posts:

Sparklysilversequins · 11/03/2014 17:03

No, no one deserves unquestioning trust.

You don't have to show you don't trust or police the other person just always know that something could go wrong and protect your interests accordingly.

Notthecleverest · 11/03/2014 17:07

Hmm. I'm now concerned I'm not protecting my interests properly. Interesting.

JazzAnnNonMouse · 11/03/2014 17:12

I trust dh 100%

BeforeAndAfter · 11/03/2014 17:20

No and I never will. I trusted my XH totally. More fool me.

TheScreamingHeebieJeebies · 11/03/2014 17:23

Ah LayMe I just thought maybe you did say that because you said he was hurt that you don't trust him 100% in your OP.

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