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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Do you trust your H/P 100%?

87 replies

LayMeDown · 11/03/2014 15:07

I don't. I don't trust anyone 100%. My thinking is humans are not perfect, we are all flawed and corruptable and capable of mistakes. I think it is foolish, as an adult to completely trust or rely on another human.
I admit that due to previous experiences my thoughts may be skewed on this though. DH and I have been discussing this and he is pretty hurt that I dont 100% trust him. He argues that he has given me no reason to distrust him. He has been a loving and loyal partner for over 12 years and he deserves my trust.
I trust him as more than I trust anyone else in the world. I believe him to be a good honourable person. I am as sure as I can be that he has never and never intends to be unfaithful to me. But I am not capable of putting all my faith in someone, I have to hold something back. I am surprised this is news to him tbh, I have always been like this.
Am I weird and damaged?

OP posts:
BoysMum1 · 11/03/2014 17:23

Yes I do.

HaPPy8 · 11/03/2014 17:34

I do. 100%.

JohnFarleysRuskin · 11/03/2014 17:39

I trust him. I don't worry about him being unfaithful.

But I don't trust anyone 100% and nor he me. We both know that being unfaithful is easily done.

Giddypants · 11/03/2014 17:43

I totally trust my DH 100% not to cheat! go off with someone else I just know he won't.
But I don't trust him to say clean the bathroom *like I would even though I've shown him a zillion times

MostWicked · 11/03/2014 17:52

Yes I do trust him 100%. I wouldn't call it blind faith, I would call it earned faith. We have been together over 20 years and trust is the foundation of our relationship. I rely on him, he relies on me.

Can I guarantee that nothing will ever go wrong? No of course I can't, but holding back my trust wouldn't make any difference to that. It wouldn't make it less likely to go wrong, if anything, I think that holding back trust makes it more likely that something will go wrong.

I would not want to be married to someone who I couldn't trust totally and completely.

GuybrushThreepwoodMP · 11/03/2014 17:55

Hmmm. I trust my dh to treat me with respect 100%. That's not to say something couldn't go wrong with our relationship, but I firmly believe in the unlikely event that it did, we would treat each other with respect. He is a deeply kind person. He's my best friend and my partner and he would struggle to lie to me, as I would to him.
That said, I rest easy knowing that I don't depend on him 100%, financially or emotionally. My love for him seems unending and infinite, but it is not unconditional like the love I have for my dd.
I don't think of it as blind faith. More evidence-based calculated risk.

GingerMaman · 11/03/2014 18:05

I feel the same as you OP.

Treaclepot · 11/03/2014 18:07

I trust mine 100% he works nights sometimes, it would be very easy but he wouldn't.

Timetoask · 11/03/2014 18:10

Yes, I trust him 100%. He is one of the most honest, loyal people I have met.
If something went wrong with out relationship, I know he would tell me, he wouldn't betray me. He is just that kind of person. As am I.

DietCokeMultipackCan · 11/03/2014 18:11

I agree with you op. I trust my DH as close to 100% as I could ever trust another person.

Phalenopsis · 11/03/2014 18:16

I don't trust any human being 100%. I trusted a previous partner completely and was shat on in a big way. My parents have hurt me very badly also so I find it hard to trust people.

nowwearefour · 11/03/2014 18:19

Can you trust yourself 100%? That is te key I reckon. If you can then it shows there are people who can be totally trusted. I trust my dh 100%.

Original poster
LayMeDown · 11/03/2014 18:23

No I don't trust myself 100% either. I strive to always be the best person I can be but sometimes I fall short. I don't always find it easy to live by the standard I set myself. I have never cheated though (or even come close) but am I 100% trustworthy person? No, no one is IMO.

OP posts:
SummerRain · 11/03/2014 18:23

Yes, I do.

I'm not saying I think we'll be together forever, or he'd never leave me. But I know he wouldn't cheat on me. He finds cheating abhorrent, even more so than I do and would never physically cheat.

When we got together the first time we were both very drunk, I'll never forget him stopping and asking me 'are you sure you want to do this, I don't want to take advantage of you if you're just saying yes because you're drunk', so I know for a fact even while plastered his moral code remains strong and he wouldn't have a drunken fling. Either way he's teetotal now so wouldn't anyway.

I'm no fool, he might one day meet someone he has a connection with and choose to end it with me but he wouldn't physically cheat or overlap relationships in any way.

I'm actually the bigger danger in our relationship as I have form for horrendous decision making whilst drunk. That's why I don't drink much either anymore, I would be heartbroken if I did something stupid whilst drunk and hurt him like that.

NK346f2849X127d8bca260 · 11/03/2014 18:28

I trusted dh completely and we have been together 30 years but after his confession before Christmas I don't think I will trust anybody again.

kelper · 11/03/2014 18:31

I trust my dh 100%. He trusts me 100%. What's the point of being with someone you don't trust?

rainbowsmiles · 11/03/2014 18:46

I don't know, I just think you hear it happen so often and the wife or husband is astonished. I suppose I think if it can happen to them it can happen to anyone. I know I get offers on a semi regular basis by attractive men and while I am pretty confident I never would I also know that there are rough patches we've been through where I don't know whether I could say for definite had the right guy been there at the wrong time whether I'd be as stand up as I hope I would have.

SirChenjin · 11/03/2014 18:52

I trust DH 99.99999999%. I'm almost convinced that I can trust him (I presume we're talking about the big things here, rather than whether or not he can be trusted to take the right bin out? 'Cos he'd fail on that score) - but you never know.

ZanyMobster · 11/03/2014 20:52

I agree with SirChenjin. I do believe that DH would not do anything to jeopardise our relationship/family but I am not sure it is wise to trust someone 100%.

NK3 - I of course don't know what the confession was but I do think it can happen to anyone which is why trust is something that I think is earned/lost at various times during a relationship and not something you can be 100% certain of.

MostWicked · 12/03/2014 17:52

How does it help the relationship or offer any kind of protection, if you withhold a little trust? Surely it can only hurt and cause doubt.

SirChenjin · 12/03/2014 17:58

Cause hurt and doubt - in what way?

Kittymalinky · 12/03/2014 18:04

I don't trust anyone 100%, even my lovely, caring, done nothing wrong DM,DF and DB :(

I don't trust my DH 100% bit I have no reason not to. Logically I know he wouldn't cheat/hurt me.

Saying that I'm a survivor of abuse and rape and proper messed up (I don't trust myself or my own judgment either) so I'm probably not the best person to be commenting :)

MeganBacon · 12/03/2014 20:24

I tell mine that I get that he is trustworthy, but I don't trust myself to get it right, having previously been extremely disappointed in certain people. That just seems to end the conversation.

MostWicked · 12/03/2014 21:32

Cause hurt and doubt - in what way?

Look at the OP, it describes how he was hurt that he wasn't trusted 100%

I would be very hurt if my DH didn't trust me 100%

If you don't trust, then you must have doubts, there can't be any good that comes of that.

And 'I trust you but I don't trust myself/other people' is a cop out. Either you trust your partner or you don't.

SirChenjin · 12/03/2014 21:51

I don't have doubts as such - but of course there's always the possibility, however slight, of something happening. I'd be naive to think otherwise - which is why I say 99.9999999%.