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Original poster

Do you still love your first love?

91 replies

Crawling1 · 07/03/2014 09:19

My first love was very abusive but last night I had a dream about sleeping with him it was a pleasant dream. I'm just wondering if others still have feelings for past loves?

OP posts:
Hassled · 07/03/2014 09:21

I think you can feelings for the person you thought he was when you first fell in love - so nostalgic, pleasant memories of a particular time in your life, rather than the actual person, IYSWIM.

HotDAMNlifeisgood · 07/03/2014 09:22

Yes of course: there were good times, a connection. Those were real too. It doesn't change the fact that overall these men were abusive and awful to us for their own reasons. But there was good with the bad, and that's part of your history too. Don't beat yourself up over it - as long as you're confident that you made the right decision and are in a better place now, it's just a bit of nostalgia.

Nocomet · 07/03/2014 09:23

I'm married to mine, which is very nice, but it makes a crappy love song.

Beastofburden · 07/03/2014 09:25

We went to one another's weddings, we are still great friends, I don't see him often enough. Don't love him in the same way, more like a brother these days.

MorrisZapp · 07/03/2014 09:26

Yes I still care for (and fancy) all my significant exes. I think that's normal to be honest.

It's funny that I still fancy the gorgeous, lushly haired nineteen year old I fell so crazily in love with half a century ago... Chances are he's now bald, knackered and has a belly on him. But not in my mind, where the past is held forever golden.

cookielove · 07/03/2014 09:30

I think of him fondly, but I don't love him. Sometimes think about what could have happened but not very often!

BarbarianMum · 07/03/2014 09:35

God no!

He was awful (in retrospect). Not abusive at all just selfish and immature (we were 18 so perhaps that's not as damning as it sounds).

I really admire people who are fond of their exes. My tastes have changed dramatically - I look back at previous partners (bar the one before dh, who I'm still friends with) and shudder.

Damnautocorrect · 07/03/2014 09:38

Yes, think about him most days. But not the ones after, quite frankly they were idiots

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 07/03/2014 10:09

I am hoping never to meet him again. He was lovely and I was too young and stupid to know what I had. I treated him badly and I do regret it. I sometimes wonder what life would be like if I hadn't been such a knob - even though I'm very happy now.

I would also like the chance to apologise - but it's all so long ago now.

CuntyBunty · 07/03/2014 10:10

Ha ha ha. No.

BlessedAssurance · 07/03/2014 10:26

Absolutely

BlessedAssurance · 07/03/2014 10:27

As a brother though

ElleDubloo · 07/03/2014 10:34

No I don't love him anymore. I don't think I loved him enough in the first place, but it's hard to be objective when you're in the middle of a relationship.

SelectAUserName · 07/03/2014 10:36

Yes. Reader, I married him.

LumpySpacePrincessOhMyGlob · 07/03/2014 10:40

I married my first love too. Only we both went round the houses and only properly got together in our thirties.

comicsansisevil · 07/03/2014 10:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cookiepants · 07/03/2014 10:43

Yep, married him too Grin

WhateverTrevor83 · 07/03/2014 10:47

OP given the DP was abusive it's probably (the dream) more to do with looking back at your youth.

FWIW - Other than wondering what he's up to every now and then, no. But he was a bit of a loser to be fair Blush

MadBusLady · 07/03/2014 10:47

Good grief no. Perfectly nice bloke and nothing wrong with the relationship but we were basically children most of the time (14 through to 17). I've changed so much and continue to change - one person through the whole of life would never work for me.

TheVictorian · 07/03/2014 10:51

Indeed. As pointless as it is (unless they split and she decides she wants me) , shes now married with one ds whos 2yrs old and another baby on the way.

middlethird · 07/03/2014 11:00

I am I think... and I always will be. He is excellent. I am very happy for him and his wife and kids (I love his wife too, kids amazing).

I don't WANT him though. I have a DH I am completely in love with...

wonkylegs · 07/03/2014 11:04

I love my first love but now as a very good friend. We have a wealth of shared experience and we tackled some massive issues together that shaped both of our lives. Neither of us 'fancy' each other anymore nor have romantic feelings but I'm glad he is still part of my life as he means an awful lot to me. We have both moved on to our respective spouses many years ago and are very happy.

DrankSangriaInThePark · 07/03/2014 11:07

What Morris said.
Except I always imagine mine to be making up for his bald egg by having a ginormous moustache.

cafesociety · 07/03/2014 11:15

Yes. A shame it wasn't mutual.

sillymillyb · 07/03/2014 11:20

Yes and no! He died recently and I was unexpectedly devastated - It really surprised me how much it affected me.

I think it was the lost potential (he was an alcoholic who died at 37) and the fact that when we had been together he was essentially an inherently good person, who made really awful choices.

I loved the person he was inside, rather than what he became.