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Relationships

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Original poster

Do you still love your first love?

91 replies

Crawling1 · 07/03/2014 09:19

My first love was very abusive but last night I had a dream about sleeping with him it was a pleasant dream. I'm just wondering if others still have feelings for past loves?

OP posts:

MadBusLady · 07/03/2014 11:25

Sorry to hear that silly milly, that must have been awful. Maybe part of it was the sheer shock of one of your peer group dying too. Someone I was at university with died unexpectedly a few years ago, it knocked me out of all proportion to how well I'd actually known him.

CrazyOldCatLady · 07/03/2014 11:27

Yes.

GuineaPigGaiters · 07/03/2014 11:33

I think your first love is so intense because you have never experienced feeling like that before that a part of you remains attached always. I do sometimes reflect on how simple and pure and honest that first love was (although of course at the time it was engulfed in teenage angst!) and how no other relationship has had that purity. It does make me nostalgic.

I'm very certain that if we met today I'd still feel a flutter of excitement, and some pangs of longing for the feelings my 17 year old self felt...but as we chatted I'm equally sure I'd realise I ultimately have a better partner now. Love like that just doesn't exist in the real world once responsibilities and drudgery and childcare come into play...that's probably why so many people look back on it so wistfully! :)

onlyjoking9329 · 07/03/2014 11:33

I will always love my DH father to my teenagers, he died almost six years ago, and he is still very much in our hearts and minds.
I now have a fiancé I love him just as much.

rosiesarered · 07/03/2014 11:38

Yes i still love my first love i think i always will. I think the feeling is mutual but he's far away and we're friends now, i don't think i could risk that for a chance it would work between us, the thought of not having him in my life at all breaks my heart

rosiesarered · 07/03/2014 11:40

I dream about him about once a week, sometimes more

pinkbear82 · 07/03/2014 11:46

I don't know it I'd say it's still love, but I am glad he is happy. I like to think back sometimes and remember things we did, 10 years is a long time with someone, and a lot of my firsts were with him, house etc. he was my best friend, and sometimes, like recently when my gran died, I missed not being able to share things with him. Which is probably silly.

However, my now DP makes me happy and we have a beautiful dd who I adore. And things have changed a lot for me.

I'd be sad if I couldn't look back on things fondly even the breakup. Hated it at the time, but for both of us it was the right thing.

Cantironwontiron · 07/03/2014 12:24

Yes he's 'the one that got away'.

bragmatic · 07/03/2014 12:36

I think people can be in love with the idea of their first love.

smoothieooo · 07/03/2014 12:39

No. In fact I had coffee with my first love last year and he wanted to try again (after almost 30 years apart). Absolutely lovely bloke but ... just no. Shallow it almost certainly is but time has not been kind

flipchart · 07/03/2014 12:39

No. Mine was a first love where I moved to a different county to bewith him. We set up home ( I was 18). He started seeing someone else. It was a messy split. I missed him ever day for a couple of years and my friends were concerned about me. This is 25 years ago.

Before Christmas I saw him. ( he didn't see me) he is playing in a band and they were in the town next to my town. He is still with the woman he had the affair with and now married with grown up kids.

I didn't feel a thing when I saw him except a fleeting moment of curiosity on had we had all aged.

maras2 · 07/03/2014 12:42

Yes . Very much . We've been together for 45 years and I still adore him . He's 64 today and we're spending it looking after 2 of our DGC's ; 1 pre schooler and the other 4 year old who's school has a teacher training day today .

mateysmum · 07/03/2014 12:50

Still love him even though we were never lovers. I see him at reunions about once every 10years with his wife of 25 years who I know and like, but he always hugs me and I know that we still share a bond of shared experience and affection. Nobody else will ever have quite that place in my life.

Kaluki · 07/03/2014 12:58

No. I don't love him anymore. I'm a bit curious about what has happened to him but I don't really want to find out as I doubt he had a happy ending
My dc's father is my second love and I feel more sisterly towards him now.
There is only one ex I still have feelings for and probably always will. He has emigrated now and is married with kids but he told a mutual friend that I was 'The One' and he will always love me

I8toys · 07/03/2014 13:10

God no we were both kids really and he was a bit of a dick. I class DH as my one true soul mate.

LindaMcCartneySausage · 07/03/2014 13:48

Sort of, yes. We didn't fall out of love - he moved overseas, I couldn't/didn't follow (right decision, but it was a sad rather than a hurtful break up). together 5 years and he was lovely to me.

Funnily enough, I dream of him quite often. Sometimes the sort of dreams to make you blush. I haven't seen him in 10 years though. He's still overseas and (apparently) v successful, happily married with kids and he stays in very occasional email Facebook contact. He still looks pretty good

His DM died recently (he is close to his family) and I was very surprised that he emailed me the next day to tell me she had passed away. A long personal email - not a round robin. I wouldn't have thought I ever crossed his mind especially at a very difficult time, but maybe I do.

jayho · 07/03/2014 18:21

Yes, but probably because he died in an accident when we were 17.

tilliebob · 07/03/2014 18:28

I'm married to mine too.

YouAreTalkingRubbish · 07/03/2014 18:33

No, but I have very fond memories of our time together. We went out as teens for three years. I ended it when I went to Uni and met my DH. My relationship with my 'first love' made my teen years really happy and fun.

I've been with DH for 32 years and have never looked back.

ViviDeBeauvoir · 07/03/2014 18:46

No!

He is not my cup of tea now at all. He's very happy with his partner who seems a great match for him.

On the other hand I do have a 'one who got away' and feel quite sad about that but not regretful.

teaandthorazine · 07/03/2014 18:58

No. It took me a long time to get over him, and the relationship had a lasting effect on me (mostly in a good way), but still love him? Nope, water under the bridge now. I regretted leaving him at the time, but now I know we wouldn't have lasted anyway. I've not seen him for the greater part of ten years, and I think of him fondly, rather than wistfully.

I thought for a long time that he was the 'one that got away', but then I met dp and I realised what love really feels like. This one is for keeps.

Diagonally · 07/03/2014 19:35

No!

Nor my second, third, fourth or fifth.

Still miss number 6 very occasionally.

Ready for number seven now

AuntieBrenda · 07/03/2014 19:55

Not my first, it was a horrible and sbusive relationship. Second, yes. I think of him as the one who got away. I haven't seen him for a couple of years now although we do keep in touch on Facebook. If I met up with him, I don't know if I'd trust myself. I
Married now and my DH is a much better partner.

BuggersMuddle · 07/03/2014 20:02

Yes but differently. DP and I are good friends with both him and his wife. He is and was a lovely person, but we were young and probably not perfectly suited in retrospect although we appeared to be at the time.

OhTheDrama · 07/03/2014 20:26

I think about him often and wonder how life turned out for him, I haven't seen him in 13 years. I don't have feelings for him now but he broke my heart and that has shaped part of who I am and how I've dealt with subsequent relationships. I learned an awful lot from it and even though it wasn't a good outcome at the time, I have taken something useful away from it.

I have been with DH 14 years and can't imagine being with anyone else, he's treated me with so much love and respect from the beginning, something that was sadly lacking in other relationships. I know I mean the world to him which is a lovely feeling.

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