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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I want to scream

46 replies

PPaka · 05/03/2014 23:14

Separated H
Such a lying manipulative horrible man

He caused a huge fuss about a certain weekend that I had tickets for( that he bought fgs)
Saying he booked to go to Paris for rugby
He even sneakily put it in our diary so it looked like it had been there, but I could see the time he put it there.
It caused major problems because we gave a family thing the following weekend, so he was shouting at me that he wouldn't see ds then

Ds also has a drama show that weekend, so added complication
Fortunately my mum could travel the 250 miles and she can take him to drama etc
So I rearranged it all

Now obviously the OW has let him down about this weekend and he says it's cancelled, so he can have a daddy weekend
So I have to un-rearrange everything, and my mums going to miss his drama performance

And I can't make a fiascos obviously its really positive that he's actually doing the weekend

Ffs, this is only the beginning
I fucking hate him

OP posts:
Lweji · 05/03/2014 23:17

Why are you rearranging everything?
Don't.

Original poster
PPaka · 05/03/2014 23:18

Can't make a fuss, not a fiasco!

OP posts:
Lweji · 05/03/2014 23:20

You're leaving yourself open for this to be repeated many times.
Now is the time to put your foot down.

Original poster
PPaka · 05/03/2014 23:24

It makes sense for him to have ds the weekend I'm away, and then I'll be away the weekend after with ds
If I put my foot down about it that means he doesn't see ds for 2 weekends
Also because its early days I'm trying to keep the peace

I'm just really annoyed

OP posts:
handfulofcottonbuds · 05/03/2014 23:27

What does your DS want that day?

Lweji · 05/03/2014 23:29

Yes, but he wasn't originally going to see him anyway due to his plans.
Or he could still see him, but not the entire weekend.

Viviennemary · 05/03/2014 23:30

Unless it really would be as convenient for you to change everything again then don't. He is the problem in this case not you. And if you keep on being willing to change everything then he might keep being difficult. Hope things improve soon.

Quinteszilla · 05/03/2014 23:30

But he is not trying to keep the peace, he is causing problems.
Dont start out a mug, it will never change!

Lweji · 05/03/2014 23:31

Start as you mean to go. He's already walking all over you and his DS with this. I bet it won't be the last time and you will have to put your foot down later anyway.

Original poster
PPaka · 05/03/2014 23:32

Ds doesn't know we're separated, he's 6.
H was rarely home so he knows no different.
He comes at the weekend, he doesn't have a place yet

Mum and h can't see each other
And he can't just stay away while my mum looks after ds

OP posts:
Lweji · 05/03/2014 23:34

How long have you been separated?

fawkeoff · 05/03/2014 23:35

You need to nip this shit in the bud right now, he's already shown that he isn't willing to put DS first or else he wouldn't have sneaked around manipulating the arrangements in the 1st place, it won't kill anyone for you to keep your re arranged plans with your mother. I speak from 6 years of experience of dealing with a dick head ex, IF YOU GIVE THEM AN INCH THEY TRY TO TAKE A MILE

Original poster
PPaka · 05/03/2014 23:36

Well if I put my foot down I will fight a battle for this weekend and then have to do it for the following weekend too. I was dreading that battle, now I won't have to

If I fight him for a weekend when he wants him, I will be the bitch

OP posts:
talullah57 · 05/03/2014 23:36

Are you kidding me? Mum travelling to see her darling gs? Let that happen and leave the shit to his rugby. There's plenty of it to watch at the pubs this weekend if he wants. Fooker!

Original poster
PPaka · 05/03/2014 23:37

I honestly can't do it
I can't fight the battle with him

OP posts:
Original poster
PPaka · 05/03/2014 23:39

Oh, mum was here last week, and at half term and she'll see him the weekend after(family party)
But she did want to see drama show

OP posts:
talullah57 · 05/03/2014 23:40

Yes you can - although there is no need to. Just continue YOUR plans as normal. Or you will let him walk all over you and that is not good for your son. Carry on your plans as normal. Head high and try to be strong. Your son WILL see his grandma this weekend cos it's not fair on her otherwise.

talullah57 · 05/03/2014 23:41

Let Grandma see the drama show as arranged. Not the drama show your husband is trying to put on you all. You guys come first.

fawkeoff · 05/03/2014 23:42

You can try to be as flexible and as nice as you want, I'm just trying to warn you that you're making a rod for your own back here..... He will just take the piss because he knows he can, if the OW hadn't cancelled he wouldn't have batted an eyelid about spending time with DS..... So you saying no is not bein a bitch, it's teaching him a lesson to not piss around when it comes to precious time with his son

Lweji · 05/03/2014 23:49

For starters, kick him out. He needs to find a place asap, unless you've separated a week ago. Anything over a month and it has been plenty of time.

Lweji · 05/03/2014 23:52

He reminds me of exH. He'll cancel last minute, "won't be able" to communicated he can't, be late, whatever, but will try to kick a storm if he doesn't get his "rights".
Well, tough.
Even DS has learnt not to put up with bs.

Original poster
PPaka · 05/03/2014 23:53

Lweji- yes
He is away right now- he has a place lined up for when he gets back, but it's a couple of weeks away.

OP posts:
Original poster
PPaka · 05/03/2014 23:55

I'm hating this no-mans land
I just need him to go properly so we can get some ground rules in place

OP posts:
Original poster
PPaka · 05/03/2014 23:56

And take all his shit with him

OP posts:
Original poster
PPaka · 06/03/2014 00:04

I fucking hate him
Have I said that?!

OP posts:
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