I want to scream

[PPaka]

Separated H
Such a lying manipulative horrible man

He caused a huge fuss about a certain weekend that I had tickets for( that he bought fgs)
Saying he booked to go to Paris for rugby
He even sneakily put it in our diary so it looked like it had been there, but I could see the time he put it there.
It caused major problems because we gave a family thing the following weekend, so he was shouting at me that he wouldn't see ds then

Ds also has a drama show that weekend, so added complication
Fortunately my mum could travel the 250 miles and she can take him to drama etc
So I rearranged it all

Now obviously the OW has let him down about this weekend and he says it's cancelled, so he can have a daddy weekend
So I have to un-rearrange everything, and my mums going to miss his drama performance

And I can't make a fiascos obviously its really positive that he's actually doing the weekend

Ffs, this is only the beginning
I fucking hate him

Yes but if you need to say it again and again, do that here. Lots of people will look after you here. I have seen it again and again.

Surely OW could have him.

Or his family, or a hotel.

Reading between the lines, I think the OW might have gone a bit cold on him
He doesn't have family here
And he's staying at hotels anyway

It will just cause more trouble than its worth if a member of MY family is staying in HIS house looking after HIS son while he has to stay away in a hotel

Yes, he'd hate it.
And it would teach him not to lightly put his selfish wants ahead of everyone else's

It might cause heartache now, but in my experience it saves it from later.

Well that's tough shit on him then

If his plans for this weekend suddenly changed wld he give your ds a thought? As in wld he cancel seeing ds in favour for rugby or weekend away? If the answer is yes then you should not re arrange your current plans for his cancelled plans!
Agree with everyone abovr im afraid, start as you mean to go on or else this will be a regular event and to be honest whatevet choice you make now, men like that will always blame you for something further down the line whether its access or something else.

He wouldn't usually cancel ds
He desperately wants to see him

We don't have any rules yet, we've talked about setting them but some stuff got in the way, his mums ill, etc

I understand about making a rod for my own back, but honestly, whatever rules we set he will manipulate everything.
It's never going to end

True, it won't end, but you can minimise it.

Obviously there are still raw feelings here, and its all very new to the pair of you and DS, but you do have to make sure that you keep a sense of authority about the whole situation. This is only one incident at the minute, and you probably don't want to make a mountain out of a molehill, but you have to think about the future as well. We all try to appease the situation at first because we don't want the role of "SUPERBITCH" hanging over us, just don't fall into the trap of him manipulating and moving the goal posts when it suits

Well I just called him on it
And predictably all hell broke loose

Stick to your guns. You have a lifetime of this, and this fight was coming at some point no matter what. It's unavoidable, so just face it out and get it over with. He will always be an entitled arse putting his wants over his DC's need for stability and predictability, so hold the line, ignore his crap and stamp your ground rules so firmly down they are immovable. These are his consequences, and the sooner he learns the better.

Absolutly agree with previous poster, stick to your guns!! He must know that you cant change plans at the drop of a hat for him. X

If he kicks off on the phone, turn it off until he talks properly.
Or cut to text messages.
Be polite, curt and to the point.

I imagine you think by ‘keeping the peace’ as it’s early days, that’s a good thing, however you are just setting expectations that he can call the shots.

Therefore he’ll continue to mess you around more and more, and will expect you to do what he wants as that’s what you are currently inclined to do.

I wouldn’t rearrange anything and would expect him to get annoyed and get stroppy. I would then be very firm, inform him that you are not changing things and reiterate when he can next see your Son.

If he gets abusive on the phone, hang up.

If he gets abusive over email, do not reply.

Of course all Hell would break loose as he wants to be the one calling the shots – however, unless you want to live the next 10+ years of your life doing whatever he wants, this is the time you need to be strong.

I kinda see where you're coming from op. Sometimes it's easier to tell others what to do but you're still stuck with him living with you at weekend's for the next two weeks, is that right? I'd be willing to give him the benefit of the doubt this ONE time only... But NOT the second and third time, no matter how difficult and/or awkward it would be! Spell it out to him that next time he messes you around, he loses! I'd cancel the plans but kick up an unbelievable fuss so it's clear he is having his one chance.

But that's just me... I'm no doormat though!

You could decide in the end to let him have the weekend, but not before he grovelled, apologised and really realised that it's not that easy to change plans as he pleases.
The problem with this is that he will think that if he kicks off a sufficiently big storm you'll yield.
So, you'd have to have in your mind what it would take to make you change your mind. Him talking politely, that this would really be the very last time and him accepting this?

Lweji is also right... It really depends entirely on you op. Did you come here to have a rant or to get advice on how to tell him no? It's easy to let him have his way once for the sake of a peaceful life and a happy ds. It's a slippery slope though to him thinking he can do this all the time! Whatever you decide, just mmake sure he knows it's your decision and that you have the control.

I don't want to tell him no
It's a lot easier all round if he just does this weekend and I do the next
I'm just really pissed off that it caused a fight when he first arranged it, and now causing trouble now

But he thinks he's done nothing wrong
He thinks my mother should be grateful to see her grandson

The last weekend she came he said he would take all the wine out if the house because she only ever drinks half a bottle and its a waste!
Who would begrudge a bottle of wine to someone looking after your son?

I know you all think you've got the right plan but honestly with this man he's never ever going to get it

This is one of the reasons I want to divorce him, his sense of entitlement and just out for himself, but I seem to be stuck in it for the time being

You are absolutely right.

It will be easier if you agree.
He thinks he's done nothing wrong.
He's never ever going to get it.
...his sense of entitlement and out for himself...

However, it's not just about this weekend, it's about forever. The way to make being stuck in it bearable is to take control of it.

It will be harder in the long run if you let it slide.
He will NEVER think he's doing anything wrong.
He REALLY IS never ever going to get it.
And that sense of entitlement is NEVER EVER going to go away.

I live this life. Unfortunately I don't 'think' you've got a bad plan, I know from dreadful experience that you do. But I also, sadly, know how you are feeling and get how impossible and painful it all is, so I don't want you to feel got at, and I'm sorry if I've done that.

The moment he even contemplates getting ball deep in someone else, is the day that he has fuck all say in what goes on in YOUR home.
Wine/relatives visiting/childcare arrangements.

If it suits you to juggle these 2 weeks, then fine. But tell him.

'I'm rearranging this weekend because it suits ME to do so'

'In future, if it doesn't, I won't'

He can't take jack shit out of your home unless He can prove ownership and/or without your permission. I hope you're not allowing him access to the home, that's way too intrusive.