I have to leave him after he was like this with DD, don't I?

[randomperson26]

I've been with my DP for just under a year, we don't live together. I have a DD aged 4. DD's father hasn't been involved since she was a baby. He was extremely violent and getting away from him was difficult but in the end I did it. it's just been me and DD up until I met DP a year ago. he has no DC. we are late 20s.

Weekend was our first trip away together. We've been out all together before for meals and stuff like that but this was our first night away. we had plans to go to the seaside and stay in a hotel, etc. Mostly child friendly things for DD.
DD was pretty confused about being away from home as it was her first night away and she kept on crying to get in my bed. DP was furious about this and stomped off to sleep on the sofa bed, while swearing. I found this strange but put it down to tiredness.

Next day, we planned to go to the seaside as DD was looking forward to it. During the car journey, DD was crying to get out of the carseat and I was calmly talking to her, trying to distract her. which was working. DP turned round and absolutely roared at her to stop it now and said to me he would have got a slap if he'd carried on this way and that I should smack her.
I was so shocked and felt a little scared. I'd never, ever heard him get so angry before as he's usually calm and placid. he's always been good with DD. he's never raised his voice with her before.

I was really shocked at this point and tried to change the topic to the seaside as we were on the way there. He decided we were no longer going and he drove us straight home. I said that was disappointing for DD and he didn't seem to care.

Sorry if it was long and I know now I can't stay with this man because it feels what happened has ruined my trust in him.
My DD was terrified and after he raged at her, it took me hours to get her back to her normal, happy self.

Thank you for reading and my question is am I overreacting to leave him over this? I know deep down what my answer is but I'm just so confused and in shock as I'd never seen such a nasty side to him before.

I've read thread after thread after thread on MN where women allow the man they're with to treat their kids like something to be scraped off a shoe. It is so, so good to read one where a mother so instantly and clear-sightedly prioritises her child - no ifs, buts or maybes. Your maternal instincts are in perfect working order, and you trust and rely on them. You're bloody amazing and you have got nothing wrong - he didn't come with "selfish arse" tattooed on his forehead. As soon as he showed his true colours you decided to protect your daughter and show him the door. That shows how very much you have right.

His gaslighting you (making out it was your choice to be petulant about the beach) shows he's dishonest, and also that he knows he was in the wrong but lacks the maturity and common decency to admit it. And people who never admit fault never get any better, either.

A year isn't a short time, and while you took things slowly (very responsible when you have kids, again, you are brilliant) it has to hurt to discover he's not who you hoped. Take things easy on yourself this week and the ones to follow, and remember what a brilliant, brilliant mum your little girl is lucky enough to have. I take my hat off to you, in company with all the other Mumsnetters posting.

OP, you are very far from stupid. You have done absolutely the right thing, straight away, without hesitation. That's clever, and brave. Your DD is very lucky to have you as a mum, and you'll go on to make a great life together. There may or may not be another man in the future. You can feel very proud of yourself and confident that any future relationship has a good chance of being a good one - because you know you are smart enough to see the warning signs now and take action quickly, and you put your daughters and your own welfare first.

Random, you are your DD's hero! What a wonderful mother you are to put her first, even though you've had a part of your world fall apart.

To break it off after thinking you had a future together shows real strength.

I hope this thread inspires others who didn't trust their instincts the first time. You saved your DD from a childhood of misery with this man and you showed her that she can trust you with everything. What a proud moment in your life!!

He tried to gaslight you about it, what a &%€@
I'm glad your daughter has such a good mum

Yes, the fact that he tried to make you believe a different story and make you take responsibility for it is as bad as the original incident, in terms of Big Red Flags.

He may well now try wheedling and apologising, but you know now that it will be a tactic and a lie because he has already tried to lie his way out of it.

Very sad that your dd caught the worst of it, but in truth you have had a lucky escape.

Want to echo the praise everyone has given you but I'm wondering what you can do about building a social support network in real life for you and your dd. Mumsnet is great but it's so easy to lose perspective when you're on your own.