I have to leave him after he was like this with DD, don't I?

[randomperson26]

I've been with my DP for just under a year, we don't live together. I have a DD aged 4. DD's father hasn't been involved since she was a baby. He was extremely violent and getting away from him was difficult but in the end I did it. it's just been me and DD up until I met DP a year ago. he has no DC. we are late 20s.

Weekend was our first trip away together. We've been out all together before for meals and stuff like that but this was our first night away. we had plans to go to the seaside and stay in a hotel, etc. Mostly child friendly things for DD.
DD was pretty confused about being away from home as it was her first night away and she kept on crying to get in my bed. DP was furious about this and stomped off to sleep on the sofa bed, while swearing. I found this strange but put it down to tiredness.

Next day, we planned to go to the seaside as DD was looking forward to it. During the car journey, DD was crying to get out of the carseat and I was calmly talking to her, trying to distract her. which was working. DP turned round and absolutely roared at her to stop it now and said to me he would have got a slap if he'd carried on this way and that I should smack her.
I was so shocked and felt a little scared. I'd never, ever heard him get so angry before as he's usually calm and placid. he's always been good with DD. he's never raised his voice with her before.

I was really shocked at this point and tried to change the topic to the seaside as we were on the way there. He decided we were no longer going and he drove us straight home. I said that was disappointing for DD and he didn't seem to care.

Sorry if it was long and I know now I can't stay with this man because it feels what happened has ruined my trust in him.
My DD was terrified and after he raged at her, it took me hours to get her back to her normal, happy self.

Thank you for reading and my question is am I overreacting to leave him over this? I know deep down what my answer is but I'm just so confused and in shock as I'd never seen such a nasty side to him before.

Papaluigi is absolutely correct. Expect lots of explaining and apologising. Do not fall for any of his backtracking. He may try to tell he was exhausted or stressed. Just focus on the terror your little girl felt when he was raging at her. He should get no more of your time or head space.

You don't live together so it's not even a matter of 'leaving him'. You just don't want to be his girlfriend any more, you're 'chucking him'. Sorry if this sounds pedantic, but leaving someone is a huge upheaval with financial implications. You're not facing that, just the unpleasant task of telling him that your relationship is over. He showed a side of his personality that you REALLY don't like, so - goodbye.

And yes, you are right, this relationship has to end.

I am so sorry, that sounds like a truly horrid situation. You know you are right about leaving and not looking back. Just don't engage with this man even if he tries to explain.

Yep, dump his arse.

There is a chance he is reacting with frustration as he is not her father and feels as though your parenting is allowing bad behaviour with no consequences. Perhaps because of this he clams up and then suddenly it all comes tumbling out.

He might find that when he has his own children he behaves with more compassion, however as it stands your daughter is not his and I doubt he feels particularly paternal towards her. If he did he would have controlled himself better.

Do you really have to ask?! The roaring at her would be the snapping point for me without the threats of violence.

yes LTB.

I'm sorry if I've worded things incorrectly. I don't have much experience with relationships and I don't have anyone IRL to talk to about this.

you've done well to cut it off now and not let is escalate further, thats rare tbh, irl and on here you'll see many children are allowed to witness all types of awful behaviour by abusive parents or ones umming and aaahing whether 'its a dump-able offence' well done you!!!

random no need to apologise! You came over perfectly clearly to me and I'm sure the other people on this thread. take care.

I meant did you really have to ask re his behaviour and shouting, sorry if I came across a bit harsh.

Random, well done you! Your daughter needs her mum to protect her. You will find a DP worthy of you both :)

just a thought, does he have a key to your house? If you are now untrusting of his temper, do you need to change the locks or get your key back?

I too understood what you meant by "leaving him".

Oh yes whereyouleft it, it was really important for you to make that completely irrelevant distinction and minimise any upset she's feeling. Course it was

OP yes of course you should leave him and never see him again. How horrible of him to scare our DD. Plan a trip to the seaside just the two of you

You sound like you have your head screwed on right and I know you'll be fine after this in the long run but it's upsetting to end anything so I hope you're OK and stay safe

'when someone shows you who they are, believe them.'

^^This. Your dd is lucky to have a mum that will keep her away from bad men.

Random. My goodness me. You are a real breath of fresh air. I despair at the number of women on mnet who give their so called DPs chance after chance despite they way they talk to and treat the very young children involved.

Good on you for spotting the crap straight away and deciding that he's crossed the line. Dump his sorry arse and enjoy being with your dd. He will only ever see her as competition for your time and attention any way. Plenty of nice men out there who do not think like this.

Don't spend any time pondering, or dissecting the situation.

Make yourself a free woman and start every day proud that you walked away.

Only you saw how nasty he was and only you can judge your reaction.

I'd have been pretty cross with either DD if they kept coming into bed or crying to get out of their car seat at 4.

If you feel he lost control for very little reason, then walk away, short fuses don't get any longer (I have one, myself and I'd probably be an awful step parent).

Agree with everyone else... Leave

Of course you should leave him.

At least you've had a year of fun.

What an arse. Nothing in your op reads that he should have reacted the way he did.
Your doing the right thing, don't take him back when he promises to change, he'll just get cleverer at hiding his anger until your out of sight

Good lord, how can you eve think you might be over-reacting?!
He drove a small child home when she should have gone to the seaside?! Bloody hell. How lucky he showed his true colours already. What an arsehole.
Get rid.

Btw: first time bf and I took our kids away together, we hoped for double bed for us, kids in bunks in same room.
We ended up with both kids in double bed with me and him cramped into a tiny bunk.
Did he moan one bit? No - he laughed.

Don't give this arsehole a second thought.

I had this happen to me once, although not quite as bad. I was seeing someone and he said he would take me and DD to the seaside. DD was really excited and so we sat and waited for him. Turned up an hour late, didn't answer his phone and arrived on a motor-bike?!

DD said "are we going to the seaside" and knobstring said "you told him to say that"

I said ON YER BIKE! and took DD to the seaside myself.

Go with your instinct - it won't be wrong....

Don't be heartbroken random. She will forget easily as long as she doesn't have to go through it again.

Well done for having the courage to do the right thing immediately. You sound like a lovely mum. Keep on protecting her the way you are doing.