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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Deep breath - worst date I have ever been on!

113 replies

JonSnowKnowsNothing · 02/03/2014 16:11

I always smile at threads where recount terrible dates, but secretly I always think "how could they have not known he was going to be a wrongun?!" Well, I have just had my comeuppance.

Waited in agreed pub for my date - he didn't show. He came in fifteen minutes late and was quite funny with me for not waiting outside. I'd sent him a text saying precisely where I was sitting but he claimed he didn't get it. Said I should have waited outside so he could have "walked me in." I was already contemplating doing a runner by this point but thought best to stay and give it a try.

Well I have never encountered such a dismal, negative, woe is me attitude in my life. I knew he didn't drive but it also emerges he lives with his mum at age 34 and doesn't work. Gets his money by giving a couple of music lessons a week. He kept talking about getting a job "that suits him."
He asked me a few questions but interrupted my answers straight away with his own anecdotes. He kept kind of giving me weird insulting compliments. "You're not a stupid girl by any stretch of the imagination" being my favourite. Sneered at me for going to bed early and also for not owning my house. (Fucking rich!)

He ordered a huge Sunday meal, even though we'd agreed to a coffee and me, being FUCKING useless, stuck around instead of buggering off because I thought it'd be mean to leave him eating alone.
At the end, I just had to make a quick exit. He announced "I must admit, I'd really like to try your home cooking sometime soon. But it'd be quite a trek to get to yours from mine so you'd have to pick me up if that's ok?"

Finally, to complete the humiliation, on the pavement outside, I knew I he was going to go in for a kiss so I took a step back and he caught my arm and tried to pull me closer to him! I just said a firm "bye" and blundered off feeling a bit shocked.

I really wouldn't have posted this to laugh at someone who was a bit shy or I just didn't feel compatible with, but the rudeness really bloody irritated me.
On the plus side, I stopped off on way home for emergency alcohol and won twenty quid on a scratch card! Aaaaand deep breath!

OP posts:

PipkinsPal · 03/03/2014 15:04

Flora "boyfriend material" If I had been drinking tea I would have had spat it over my computer screen!

I'm new to POF. I dated the first guy I messaged and we met up once a week for a few hours to do stuff, visit museums, country park, drive to the Brecon Beacons. Gentlemanly and intelligent. Didn't feel a spark but shagged him anyway. Hadn't had sex for 3 years so I wanted to find out if I still remembered how to do it! He dumped me by silence but I wasn't too bothered. A man who has bizarre rituals when it comes to putting jam on his toast is a definite no no IMO. However, I did go on a date last Saturday with a guy who is on POF. He is a friend of a friend and we met last year when he made up the numbers on a quiz team. Date went well and we are going to meet up again. This one loves food and I love cooking.

Original poster

JonSnowKnowsNothing · 03/03/2014 20:02

Roaring inappropriately at some of these! Catweasle! The Tourettes Shag - oh dear God!! I got off lightly...
Unfortunately, I managed to sink a bottle of crap cava plus another one with my mate in the end last night and when the chap from earlier texted complaining about the rain soaking him on the way back to his (boohoo) my text was a little.....curt.
Anyway, I'm so glad people have shared on here, it's so nice imagining other people in horrific social situations! Also nice to hear that people do find decent partners on these sites...not sure I will though, but for some inexplicable reason my personal confidence is quite high (extremely rare) so I'm just enjoying getting dressed up and getting out the house!

OP posts:

LEMmingaround · 03/03/2014 20:31

These are so so funny, i almost wish i could do dating just for the fun of it - i don't think my DP of 22 years would be best pleased though.

I actually thought the "thats boyfriend material" quite sweet

SolidGoldBrass · 03/03/2014 21:47

Reading these and cackling and almost tempted to give OD a try myself, just in the hope of collecting some good stories.

Snapespeare · 03/03/2014 23:17

Must say, I met some lovely men with sadly no spark, still in contact with one two years or so later as a smashing friend and met astounding lovely man through OD, who I've been dating for over a year. But I did have to wade through knee deep catweazles.

There was another horror, who I refer to as 'bitter-scouser' who I met for a couple of drinks, he texted me on the way to the bar, asking where I was (I wasn't late...) then spoke about his screenplay for an hour and a half, interspersed with asides about his ex wife, who he left TEN YEARS AGO, but it was obviously still an issue. Luckily I frequented the dating thread, so was able to dissuade someone else from meeting him.

Then there was the painfully thin man who towards the end of the date said I'd been very polite to not mention his teeth. On closer inspection, he didn't have any bottom teeth at all. He then finished the date by asking if we could be fuck-buddies. No. Thanks. I don't ask for a lot, but teeth are good.

LCHammer · 04/03/2014 23:32

Snapespeare - silly man, did he have to draw your attention to his teeth so early on?

BeforeAndAfter · 04/03/2014 23:42

Ooh yes, that reminds me of a Sunday lunch date. No sign of teeth, just lips that wrapped under the gums, so you never knew if teeth were actually present. He ordered roast beef - didn't touch the beef. One needs teeth to chomp through beef. Over lunch the desire to spot a flash of pearly white can border on the obsessive when it's absent.

LineRunner · 05/03/2014 00:12

I had a date with a man who didn't take his coat off. We were in a cocktail bar. His coat was one of those white, wide-collared trench coats with the knotted belt beloved of Duran Duran, but this guy looked more like a weasel and it wasn't the 1980s.

He bought the first round, and when I offered to reciprocate he said, 'I doubt you can afford the drinks in here.' He was serious.

He walked me to the station and as the train doors finally and irrevocably closed and he waved me off I felt such relief I actually laughed like a weirdo.

Montane50 · 05/03/2014 00:34

I arranged to meet a man having seen a pic of him sat down. I arrived at the pub for a coffee first and popped to the toilet, when i came out i saw him stood at the arranged spot-i nearly ran then (with hindsight i should have). I greeted him and he almost had to jump up to kiss my cheek-im 5'3"! In the que for coffee i txt my friend 'help' and she duly rang my mobile-i couldnt wait to get out of there. He wasn't 5'10 as advertised, and not 42 as he admitted he was 49! Walking/running back to my car the only way i could avoid a goodbye kiss was to put my cagoul over my head like a canopy whilst screetching 'its been nice meeting you, keep in touch!' He didnt. Thank God!

LCHammer · 05/03/2014 00:55

LineRunner - it sounds like a date with The Third Man.

Some of these dates sound awful :)

MistressDeeCee · 05/03/2014 01:35

I flatlined at the "I must admit, I'd really like to try your home cooking sometime soon comment

I mean why waste time? Get straight to the point

At least you've got a sense of humour OP. Not a nice situation but it did make funny reading!

I suppose my worse date was way back in the day met a very nice man, got all dressed up for a 'day date' with him, we were going on to a winebar later. So, met him and he said 'hang on, just have to go and get some money out'. Off we went, Id assumed he was stopping off at the cashpoint but no, it was Kennington dole office to pick up his giro..and I had to wait outside all dressed up to the nines being leered at by assorted men coming out and hanging around. Still did the date, and later on wasnt a winebar it was a pub that was rough as hell. He was a nice guy though. I just don't think our lifestyles suited

LineRunner · 05/03/2014 01:45

On my second date with OH, his DD (14) followed us. We let her join us in the end, rather than see her lurk behind a tree in the beer garden.

Allofaflumble · 05/03/2014 07:07

The most annoying thing is the sneering at not owning your house. He goes into the Lame Duck folder. Probably let's mummy do everything for him. Ugh.

Melonbreath · 05/03/2014 08:35

This thread is priceless.
A few weeks ago a friend of mine went on a date and said he seemed nice and the next date she went round to his for a meal. He asked her if she minded serving his dinner in a dog bowl on the floor and telling him to sit and beg for it. And until he did not to give it to him.
WTAF.
The thing is, she did it! She said other than the dog obsession he was lovely and she'd always wanted a puppy but was allergic.
They ended up going out for a while.
Nowt as queer as folk.

BeforeAndAfter · 05/03/2014 11:24

melon did he use a knife and fork or was he face first into the dog bowl?

GinUtero · 05/03/2014 11:58

10 years ago I had a number of Match.com dating disasters which you think would have put me off OD for life.

'Mature' 30-yr old student, who admitted he was a virgin then told me earnestly he was considering becoming a gigolo to fund his studies…
Date who asked me what my favourite song was, then grew delighted we had so much in common because that was the song he listened to on his iPod when he went out to the woods with a knife to psyche himself up to commit suicide.
Totally up his own arse lawyer who grilled me for an hour and when I said it felt more like a job interview than a date, he said: "well, how else is it supposed to be?" He then went on to say it was obvious I hadn't had any children because I still had a good figure, to which I said my mother had a fantastic figure - he then asked if he could have her number! At the point where he started expressing his opinion that disabled people were of no worth to society and any unborn child with a genetic defect should be aborted, I stood up and walked out.
Date who turned up an hour late (after already delaying date by two hours due to emergency drs appointment) When I asked whether he was ok, he explained drs appointment was because he'd drank alcohol two nights in a row, which he'd never done before and he was afraid for his health! What's more, he was wearing foundation on one side of his face, but not the other??! I walked out of that date too and then received a message from him saying how incredibly rude I was to leave!

Fortunately, I persevered and eventually met Mr. Gin which proved to me that OD is not a complete lost cause. At least I have some stories to tell

GinUtero · 05/03/2014 12:00

Oh yes, and the one who informed me "I like a variety of different vaginas" and "you can be my Monday girl if you want."

Um, think I'll pass, thanks.

Paintyfingers · 05/03/2014 12:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Shinyshinyface · 05/03/2014 12:16

Having a good chortle at these.

One of my first, poorly judged dates after being released into the dating pool after 20 years of marriage was with a chap who whipped out one of those head massage thingies, that look like a spider, and proceeded to give me a very much unwanted and decidedly creepy head massage in the middle of a crowded Cafe Nero. I pretty hastily made my excuses after that and tried to make an immediate get away but wasn't quick thinking enough and he ended following me to the tube station which was Leicester Square at 6pm on a Saturday night.

There was a 20 minute queue just to get in. He was with me the whole way and there was no way of getting away from him...even followed me into the tube carriage and was jammed in next to me. He started stroking my arm next so as soon as the doors next opened I jumped out and ran off!

Am slightly wiser now but not much

Still the best part of many dates has been the incredible sense of relief of disappearing into the tube at the end of it...alone.

BeforeAndAfter · 05/03/2014 12:23

One guy messaged me on POF so I read his profile which outlined his preference for non-Caucasian busty women (I fail at both those hurdles). I was in playful mood so replied pointing out my inadequacies so he updated his profile to state that he might make an exception to his exacting criteria for the right woman, asked me to read his update and reconsider. Aye right - hold me back

LoisPuddingLane · 05/03/2014 12:48

Is it awful to say I'm really glad I'm not the only one who has had such FUCKING AWFUL dates? Do they get a handbook, do you think? Of all the most dreadful things to do on a date?

themonsteratemyspacebar · 05/03/2014 13:20

Oh dear, this brings back awful memories for me!
Worst one i had was a guy who took me to an italian.
All fine for the first 10 mins or so and then proceeded to plan my whole life out infront of my eyes.
He said he owned a few houses and that i would be able to move into one of them with him in a couple of weeks when it was finished. How soon could we get engaged without it looking funny? He didnt drive so i would have to be his chaffeur everywhere would i mind that? He would pay me for it but then still get to be with him at the end of the night. Then decided he would want me to be pregnant as we got married, so i would come off the pill after that night, yes?
Also had a foot fetish so mentioned shoes and him sucking my toes alot and would that turn me on?

Needless to say never contacted him again but he kept texting me. A few weeks after he texted me saying how he had met this amazing girl who he has great sex with, does that make me jealous?!

Urgh!

Bant · 05/03/2014 15:42

I had a date last summer with someone who was convinced I'd lied about my age on my OD profile. I hadn't - don't really see the point, and don't want to potentially start things off with even a little fib.

So she asked me what year I was born - I answered truthfully. Then she asked to see some ID and I gave her my driving license.

She was somewhat shamefaced. I was kind of annoyed that she was saying I looked much older than 39, and when I've talked about this kind of stuff with strangers they generally guess at mid 30s, maybe 40.

And she continued 'winking' at me on Match.com, seven times in the following 3 months because I never asked her for a second date. Oh and it turned out she'd said she was 36 and was actually 44.

LoisPuddingLane · 05/03/2014 19:46

Themonster, that is astonishing! I think I would have run out of the restaurant.

cees · 05/03/2014 21:48

Isn't it amazing what we put up with out of politeness. I have a dh now but I remember staying on a dates out of bloody politeness. Thank God for mumsnet because that wouldn't happen now

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