Deep breath - worst date I have ever been on!

[JonSnowKnowsNothing]

I always smile at threads where recount terrible dates, but secretly I always think "how could they have not known he was going to be a wrongun?!" Well, I have just had my comeuppance.

Waited in agreed pub for my date - he didn't show. He came in fifteen minutes late and was quite funny with me for not waiting outside. I'd sent him a text saying precisely where I was sitting but he claimed he didn't get it. Said I should have waited outside so he could have "walked me in." I was already contemplating doing a runner by this point but thought best to stay and give it a try.

Well I have never encountered such a dismal, negative, woe is me attitude in my life. I knew he didn't drive but it also emerges he lives with his mum at age 34 and doesn't work. Gets his money by giving a couple of music lessons a week. He kept talking about getting a job "that suits him."
He asked me a few questions but interrupted my answers straight away with his own anecdotes. He kept kind of giving me weird insulting compliments. "You're not a stupid girl by any stretch of the imagination" being my favourite. Sneered at me for going to bed early and also for not owning my house. (Fucking rich!)

He ordered a huge Sunday meal, even though we'd agreed to a coffee and me, being FUCKING useless, stuck around instead of buggering off because I thought it'd be mean to leave him eating alone.
At the end, I just had to make a quick exit. He announced "I must admit, I'd really like to try your home cooking sometime soon. But it'd be quite a trek to get to yours from mine so you'd have to pick me up if that's ok?"

Finally, to complete the humiliation, on the pavement outside, I knew I he was going to go in for a kiss so I took a step back and he caught my arm and tried to pull me closer to him! I just said a firm "bye" and blundered off feeling a bit shocked.

I really wouldn't have posted this to laugh at someone who was a bit shy or I just didn't feel compatible with, but the rudeness really bloody irritated me.
On the plus side, I stopped off on way home for emergency alcohol and won twenty quid on a scratch card! Aaaaand deep breath!

[picklepen]

Pavlova
I found my DH on eH, am typing this with our DS on my lap... Though I will be dining out on some of the nuttier ones I came across at the same time!

[TalkingintheDark]

blowsygirl PMSL! Poor, poor man

[WanderingStar1]

Love these stories! I got married before OD but had a blind date once with the neighbour of the mum of my best friend, she insisted he was really lovely and we'd be ideally suited. Unfortunately he was the ugliest man I've ever met, with a face like a skull, but I didn't want to be judgemental so tried to keep an open mind when we met for a drink. He was grim, but when he asked for a second date I didn't like to refuse because he would think it was down to his looks, so muggins here said yes, and let him pick me up! But he was so miserable and so hung up on the fact that his wife had left him, and went on about her and how he wished her ill etc that I really decided I couldn't be kind any longer. Unfortunately, when he took me home (and before I'd told him) I realised I'd locked my key in the house, so he had to take me to my friend's house across town to wake her up and get my spare, and he kept saying, 'this is so much fun, you can be the entertainments manager for our relationship going forwards ho ho....!!! Aargh! No more blind dates ever again.......!!

[MsMarple]

Oh dear, I've kissed a lot of frogs along the way, but the one that springs to mind was a Scottish guy I met at a gig. We arranged to meet for a drink after work - he was half an hour late, but should perhaps have stayed away as he managed to bring every single conversation round to how much he hated England, and the English. Never mind that I am English, and we were in London, where he had presumably chosen to live and work. Then he seemed surprised that I didn't want to go on somewhere after. Even weirder was that he phoned me a week later asking for another date. Maybe he got my number mixed up with someone of a less objectionable nationality?

[Loveyouthree]

Oh! This has reminded me of the time a guy I met came round to mine and my heart sunk because I'd remembered him wrong and he wasn't attractive in the slightest. I thought I'd give him a chance though, and he proceeded to tell me that in his late teens he'd been sent to prison for "blowing up a kebab shop while drunk and angry at the owner"

Nice! He then went on about how we probably wouldn't work out long term because we lived four hours apart. Shame...

[blowsygirl]

I had a date who complained bitterly that his ex had left him without notice and HAD NOT EVEN BOTHERED TO PUSH THE HOOVER ROUND THE FLAT BEFORE SHE WENT! Most upset about it he was

[LoisPuddingLane]

He sounds a keeper, smoothie...

[Passionfruitpavlova]

I've had a few yicky dates in the past, but recently met someone on eharmony (it was going to be my VERY LAST ATTEMPT AT ONLINE DATING - EVER - I'm 51) who has turned out to be THE MOST wonderful man! Online dating isn't all awful and I admit I think I've been lucky. It was my first date from my FIRST DAY on the site and he's worth every penny of the £99 I spent on a year's (I wasn't feeling very optimistic obviously!) subscription :). There are a few gems amongst the crud!

[smoothieooo]

I had one recently which started off fairly well - my date (from POF) met me in the car park of a local pub but after some initial, fairly innocuous chit chat came an outpouring of less than flattering corkers about himself:

• his ex-wife had just taken out a restraining order on him (and had moved to Norfolk from London to get away with their DC)
  

• he had walked out on his job the previous week as his boss was a "wanker"
  

• he was completely undomesticated and kept shrinking clothes in the tumble dryer - which he used constantly because he'd fiddled his meter and if I liked, he would come and fiddle mine
  

• he had 9 points on his licence and had just been caught speeding again but had persuaded a friend to take the rap. When I asked "you mean you did a Chris Huhne?" he had no idea what I was talking about.
  

I'm sure it was just nerves but it was definitely a bit

[HelloBoys]

I've got another one - lecturer I met on holiday abroad - seemed nice so we swapped numbers and he arranged a date when we got home. went to Covent Garden restaurant and I asked the usual stuff 'Do you drive? what car? where do you live?' etc - after me asking this and the normal stuff he suddenly spat 'Why are you asking me these questions? You're probably after my money'. He expected me to stay but I ran out of the restaurant and got the tube home (SE London, 30 mins bus ride from a tube...) - had not long got in the door when my flatmate answered it - he'd only driven home from the restaurant (probably breakneck speed) and wanted to see me - flatmate wisely told him to do one.

Another not date but introduction I suppose... was in pub locally with brother and friends. At bar getting drinks in, man approaches me. starts talking. Says he's seen me on X train to London Bridge every morning (named time), said he's seen me putting on my lipstick in morning on train, THEN (this was the killer) he detailed the bus I caught when I changed at London Bridge and 'Did I want to go out with him?'

Ok the above may have been a chat up line, but why not talk to me on train etc - and how so detailed about my movements. I crawled back to my table muttering 'I've got a bloody stalker' and thank god he didn't come after me. eeek

[LadyPenny]

Think my worst was the very tall and gorgeous sailor who asked me out at a club. I was19 and still living at home. He arrived to pick me up and was terribly charming to my mum.
I popped upstairs to get my bag and on returning found him showing my mum the newspaper clipping he carried around in his wallet. It was a picture of his perfect woman in a massive meringue wedding dress that really seemed a bit too weird for me and I legged it out the back door.
Mum said he waited half an hour for me to return before she kindly sent him on his way.

[LeadingToGadeBank]

I didn't find that funny at all. I have zero intuition about people, but reading that freaked me out a bit, don't know why.

[tightfortime]

My mum worked in a school years ago and kept wanting me to meet one of the teachers she thought was fab, so gentlemanly and cute too.

So I did...cute, yes, very.

But he was late, tight to get his round in and boring as hell despite me putting my best effort in (for I did not want the mother to say otherwise when he reported back)

He walks me home, polite cheek kiss, asks can he use loo, call a cab. In the days before we all had mobiles... Spidey senses knew what he was up to but flat mate was home so, grand.

No cabs, can I stay. Sigh. On the couch.

Slept with one eye open having woken and warned the flat mate.

Woke up to find he's pissed himself all over the couch. Kicked him out and no, I won't meet you again...

He told my mum later at work I was lovely, he'd had great night and gone home early.

I soon put her right and she couldn't look at him for a year, no matter how polite he was lol....

[cees]

Isn't it amazing what we put up with out of politeness. I have a dh now but I remember staying on a dates out of bloody politeness. Thank God for mumsnet because that wouldn't happen now

[LoisPuddingLane]

Themonster, that is astonishing! I think I would have run out of the restaurant.

[Bant]

I had a date last summer with someone who was convinced I'd lied about my age on my OD profile. I hadn't - don't really see the point, and don't want to potentially start things off with even a little fib.

So she asked me what year I was born - I answered truthfully. Then she asked to see some ID and I gave her my driving license.

She was somewhat shamefaced. I was kind of annoyed that she was saying I looked much older than 39, and when I've talked about this kind of stuff with strangers they generally guess at mid 30s, maybe 40.

And she continued 'winking' at me on Match.com, seven times in the following 3 months because I never asked her for a second date. Oh and it turned out she'd said she was 36 and was actually 44.

[themonsteratemyspacebar]

Oh dear, this brings back awful memories for me!
Worst one i had was a guy who took me to an italian.
All fine for the first 10 mins or so and then proceeded to plan my whole life out infront of my eyes.
He said he owned a few houses and that i would be able to move into one of them with him in a couple of weeks when it was finished. How soon could we get engaged without it looking funny? He didnt drive so i would have to be his chaffeur everywhere would i mind that? He would pay me for it but then still get to be with him at the end of the night. Then decided he would want me to be pregnant as we got married, so i would come off the pill after that night, yes?
Also had a foot fetish so mentioned shoes and him sucking my toes alot and would that turn me on?

Needless to say never contacted him again but he kept texting me. A few weeks after he texted me saying how he had met this amazing girl who he has great sex with, does that make me jealous?!

Urgh!

[LoisPuddingLane]

Is it awful to say I'm really glad I'm not the only one who has had such FUCKING AWFUL dates? Do they get a handbook, do you think? Of all the most dreadful things to do on a date?

[BeforeAndAfter]

One guy messaged me on POF so I read his profile which outlined his preference for non-Caucasian busty women (I fail at both those hurdles). I was in playful mood so replied pointing out my inadequacies so he updated his profile to state that he might make an exception to his exacting criteria for the right woman, asked me to read his update and reconsider. Aye right - hold me back

[Shinyshinyface]

Having a good chortle at these.

One of my first, poorly judged dates after being released into the dating pool after 20 years of marriage was with a chap who whipped out one of those head massage thingies, that look like a spider, and proceeded to give me a very much unwanted and decidedly creepy head massage in the middle of a crowded Cafe Nero. I pretty hastily made my excuses after that and tried to make an immediate get away but wasn't quick thinking enough and he ended following me to the tube station which was Leicester Square at 6pm on a Saturday night.

There was a 20 minute queue just to get in. He was with me the whole way and there was no way of getting away from him...even followed me into the tube carriage and was jammed in next to me. He started stroking my arm next so as soon as the doors next opened I jumped out and ran off!

Am slightly wiser now but not much

Still the best part of many dates has been the incredible sense of relief of disappearing into the tube at the end of it...alone.

[GinUtero]

Oh yes, and the one who informed me "I like a variety of different vaginas" and "you can be my Monday girl if you want."

Um, think I'll pass, thanks.

[GinUtero]

10 years ago I had a number of Match.com dating disasters which you think would have put me off OD for life.

1. 'Mature' 30-yr old student, who admitted he was a virgin then told me earnestly he was considering becoming a gigolo to fund his studies…
   
   
2. Date who asked me what my favourite song was, then grew delighted we had so much in common because that was the song he listened to on his iPod when he went out to the woods with a knife to psyche himself up to commit suicide.
   
   
3. Totally up his own arse lawyer who grilled me for an hour and when I said it felt more like a job interview than a date, he said: "well, how else is it supposed to be?" He then went on to say it was obvious I hadn't had any children because I still had a good figure, to which I said my mother had a fantastic figure - he then asked if he could have her number! At the point where he started expressing his opinion that disabled people were of no worth to society and any unborn child with a genetic defect should be aborted, I stood up and walked out.
   
   
4. Date who turned up an hour late (after already delaying date by two hours due to emergency drs appointment) When I asked whether he was ok, he explained drs appointment was because he'd drank alcohol two nights in a row, which he'd never done before and he was afraid for his health! What's more, he was wearing foundation on one side of his face, but not the other??! I walked out of that date too and then received a message from him saying how incredibly rude I was to leave!
   
   Fortunately, I persevered and eventually met Mr. Gin which proved to me that OD is not a complete lost cause. At least I have some stories to tell

[BeforeAndAfter]

melon did he use a knife and fork or was he face first into the dog bowl?

[Melonbreath]

This thread is priceless.
A few weeks ago a friend of mine went on a date and said he seemed nice and the next date she went round to his for a meal. He asked her if she minded serving his dinner in a dog bowl on the floor and telling him to sit and beg for it. And until he did not to give it to him.
WTAF.
The thing is, she did it! She said other than the dog obsession he was lovely and she'd always wanted a puppy but was allergic.
They ended up going out for a while.
Nowt as queer as folk.