so I can't go surfing nude yet...

[harrietspy]

Following the incredibly encouraging thread (that I now can't find) about what people have done AFTER leaving crap relationship - a list which involved lots of water, weight loss and nudity ) - I need inspiration for positive tiny things I can do BEFORE leaving, to make me feel less gloomy about spending 20 years with the wrong person.

My marriage is definitely over by mutual consent, but STBX and I are still under the same roof while we work out living arrangements, care of dc etc. When I have weekends without dc I will be surfing in the nude (metaphorically). But for now, who's up for a list of tiny achievable things for the STBNS (soon-to-be-nude-surfers) among us?

List so far of tiny things:

• deal with eyebrows and nails.
• download a good book on kindle instead of watching meh telly at night.
• step into the garden tonight and look at the stars. Take blanket and hot choc with slug of brandy in.
• make list of what I'll do when stbx and I are living separately... and see what I can start doing now.

Contact friends that you haven't seen or spoken to for a while - the ones that you always think "I must email/phone X" and then not get round to.

Ooh the stars and hot choc/blanket sounds ace! Not sure about the brandy though (baileys?). Have fun! Hope it's not raining!

Get a diary and start filling it up with plans.

I fill my calendar up and it is such a boost to see how busy I am with different things - good for the soul.

I like the blanket and chocolate idea!

I don't have any Baileys, Trevor. On principle. Because I'd drink it by the pint. Trust me, brandy in hot choc is amazing!

The list is growing:
Join a choir (and given that I can't go tonight, sing while I'm washing up)
Get the cinema listings for local indie and book tickets with or without friend.
Go out for a curry with my mates. (God, it's so sad how little I go out!)

Going to the cinema (with friends or without) is something I started doing lots more of since ex & I split. I love the cinema and he could never be bothered

Take up yoga/running/pilates/tai chi/kick-boxing/whatever floats your boat

Flirt with someone online just to remember that you can

Find a dance class and go. Find dances in the style you're learning and go to them. I recommend anything from the swing family, but Lindy Hop in particular.

Ha! By the pint... y'loon

Flirt online? Nah - get out there and flirt in real life. It's more fun! x

I've always wanted to learn to dance properly. There's a dance centre near me so I'll see what they do for total beginners.

Terrified of flirting, btw!

Oooh I love it! Haha.

Consider a gentle declutter so you don't drag everything from your STBXlife into your bright sparkling new one.
Yes, definitely reconnect with friends and explore new hobbies/classes/habits/indulgences.

Flirting's easy on the dancefloor.

I recommend cinema alone! Just make sure you choose a sensible time. I was a lone cinema goer recently (literally, only person at late night showing) and it was rather too lonely.
I am yet to go out for proper food on my own but you could do that. Must get such quick service when there's only one dish for them to sort!
Jogging/swimming/anything active. If you get out jogging or cycling (if you've a bike) about now you can really enjoy it by the time the decent weather comes!

Good point, Giveme. I've been decluttering steadily for a couple of years now and am a veteran of the minimising threads on MN, but there is more to shift. I have 3 handbags in total and I don't like any of them, so I'm thinking about buying a bag that I LOVE to go with the amazing shoes I bought yesterday. (They are flat shoes, but gorgeous. I don't do heels and never will!).

About flirting. Main (but not only!) reason marriage didn't work is that I married someone of wrong gender when I was but a child. I'm terrified of the lesbian scene but would love a kind and clever girlfriend. Step 1 is to start living full, independent life. Parallel Step 1 is to get divorced and establish separate living arrangements. Step 2? Who knows...

Make plans to sell your wedding ring ASAP (if you have one) and/or all the jewellery that you don't wish to wear anymore and blow the money on something you WANT rather then need. Just indulge yourself. I bought a sexy pair of ankle boots and every time I look at them they make me smile. Enjoy your freedom, not much beats it!!!

I've booked a seat for cinema!

Proper food on my own... Hmm. There are loads of amazing restaurants near me. Dirtybadger, I love your name.

I have got a lovely bike but haven't been out on it in ages. My list is GROWING and it's AMAZING and you're all so fabulous that I'm SHOUTING.

Re: finding a lovely girlfriend - have you looked at what local gay and lesbian groups are around in your area?

I have a couple of lesbian friends and they are involved with a couple of different local groups (one group is a 'pub' group, another is a Sunday walking group, so very different types of activity).

Flirting online is easier & less scary so a great place to start. It doesn't have to lead anywhere until you're ready.

Not in same boat but can I chip in anyway?
Get a subscription to DIVA!
Are there any things you'd like to volunteer at - local food bank, LGBT helpline, dogs home....

All comers welcome, babyphat!

I sit out in the garden with a cuppa on a nice clear evening- love a full moon (no jokes please).

Try new clothes that you wouldn't have worn before...I started wearing heels to work :)

I took up baking...

Long soaks on the bath...really long with wine and candles...so relaxing.

Listening to music in the evenings instead of tv...dancing (jumping on the sofa sometimes to Kings of Leon)

Girly nights in with mates...take always, gossip and wine :)

Oh yes! A bike!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

New underwear. I have a growing collection of lovely stuff that I haven't worn, just get it out and look at it from time to time.

I started playing the piano that I've had for 18 mths and not touched.

Yesterday I noticed that a local city art gallery is opening late one week night with food and live music. Is there anything near you?

Exercise. Me and the kids were admiring the poor buggers the spinning class at the sports centre this evening. I admire them and secretly think one day I might get there.

Volunteer. I do. It's fab. (I also work)

Choose new furnishings, cushions, pictures etc. it's nice not to have to compromise on colour or style. You like, you buy it !

I also like having the extra wardrobe space for more shoes

The list is growing! I'm going to write it out and try to do one thing from the list every day.

I've told myself I don't have time for volunteering because I do paid work FT, but in truth, once I've got the kids to bed and cleared up, I just watch telly in bed. I could easily find a couple of hours a week to do something more life-enhancing.

I love this thread.

Buy yourself new bedlinen. Get colour charts and wallpaper samples and start planning your very own, just for you, decor.

Take a little time to make an indulgent meal for one - can be as simple as soft boiled eggs with asparagus spears wrapped in pancetta, but the point is that it should be indulgent.

Put a bottle of champagne in the fridge to toast your new life when he leaves.