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Original poster

Found poppers!

49 replies

Poppersincupboard · 22/02/2014 10:53

This is a serious post, but I've n'chd as DH and others know my regular nickname.

I found poppers in DH's clothes cupboard months ago. I know he used them in the past (in last marriage), and I also discovered that he used to say that he used them, in adverts looking for no strings gay sex.

I confronted him, he denied he wanted, or intended, to use them, and only got them as he was 'curious' as to their availability Hmm He made me watch him throw them away.

So today, whilst he is out (I know where he is & he is in public, so no chance of him being up to anything), curiousity got the better of me, and I decided to check again.

There are several tiny little bottles in his cupboards. Some with just a liquid, some with a liquid and two little round tablet looking things.

In his bedside drawer there is also a bottle of Eagle and Iron Horse.

Google confirms these are poppers.

I don't know what to make of it. Our sex life is crap (originally because he could never 'come' with me, then the repeated feelings of not being good enough/desirable, got the better of me, and I just don't want to anymore).

There is also the knowledge that he used to look for gay/bi sex behind his first wife's back (though denies he did anything).

So I'm confused. He never gets the opportunity to get up to anything, but how could he use poppers alone? I am quite naive in all this.

OP posts:
TheProsAndConsOfHitchhiking · 22/02/2014 11:00

You do not need to be with a partner to 'use' poppers. You sniff them they get you high. I have a bottle in my bedroom, They have nothing to do with gay sex,Although I know they are used in gay circles but that is not why I have them :)My dp and I sometimes have a whiff together we will use it sometimes whilst having a 'fun' night or sometimes just for a giggle :)

Hawkmoth · 22/02/2014 11:02

I'm sorry, but the narrative seems quite clear.

Mumraathenoisylion · 22/02/2014 11:03

Erm, I would say based on all of the evidence given that your dh may be gay. I think you need to have a long honest chat with him. Thanks

bubblesmonkey · 22/02/2014 11:06

I reckon your husband is probably having gay sex.
I recognise the whole thing about how he could never come with you - same as my ex-husband who is now happily living with a man.

Original poster
Poppersincupboard · 22/02/2014 11:10

The Pros, thank you, that is good to know, however, I tried to be open to the idea, and even suggested that we use them together (though I'd probably have bottled out), but he just clamped out.

I also have a problem with him using them alone for some 'fun' when it has come at the expense of our sex life. He told me last year that he didn't want a "slut for a wife" when I dressed up in a corset and suspenders, to get him interested in me, so him then doing this feels like a betrayal.

Hawkmoth, yes, I fear that it is.

Mum - that is my gut feeling, but he won't talk about it, and gets angry.

OP posts:
Original poster
Poppersincupboard · 22/02/2014 11:11

bubbles Thanks I am so sorry. Did you have any idea before you found out? Did you suspect and if you did, did he react angrily when confronted?

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 22/02/2014 11:12

You've got a total absence of a physical relationship so you've probably been replaced by something. Unless he's chained to a radiator 24/7 of course he has the opportunity to get up to something. 'Curious' my arse... Hmm

LiberalLibertine · 22/02/2014 11:14

He said he doesn't want 'a slut for a wife' when you tried to get your sex life going? The guy sounds like a twat, and very possibly a gay twat. He needs to be honest with you. Sorry op Flowers

Suicidal5833 · 22/02/2014 11:14

I think he sounds gay sorry and that comment about you dressing up is horrid and confirms it IMO.

BertieBottsJustGotMarried · 22/02/2014 11:15

I also think it's a really strong chance that he is gay. It sounds like he's going to quite some lengths to hide it/convince himself he's not as well :(

Yes poppers can be used for a "high" but TBH (and sorry Hitchhiking) but it's something I associate with 16/17 year olds who can't get hold of or are a bit scared of trying "proper" drugs. The "high" lasts for 30-60 seconds and gives you a massive headache. Funny and a bit exciting/risky when you're young but I can't see most adults being interested. It's a bit sad really, like sniffing glue.

FabULouse · 22/02/2014 11:17

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Poppersincupboard · 22/02/2014 11:17

So Bertie what is the appeal of them for him? Sorry I really am clueless about this kind of thing.

I found just two bottles, that he threw away before, today I found seven!

OP posts:
JeanSeberg · 22/02/2014 11:18

I'd have binned him for the slut comment alone. Why are you still with him? What are you getting out of this?

BertieBottsJustGotMarried · 22/02/2014 11:18

They are used in gay sex because they are a muscle relaxant, which means (sorry to be crude) they open up your arsehole.

bubblesmonkey · 22/02/2014 11:18

A couple of years after we married I found gay porn on our PC and he then told me he is bisexual. He still claims to be bisexual but I believe he leans heavily towards the gay side of it.
It was okay though as eventually I realised I'm gay too and I was the one who left him. :)

AllThatGlistens · 22/02/2014 11:19

He absolutely sounds as though he is gay and struggling to come to terms with it.

This is not aimed to hurt you, please don't think that, but calling you a slut for dressing provocatively would seem he either has deep rooted issues with women or is not physically attracted to them, and his anger boiled over when you tried to seduce him, as it were.

I'm very sorry you're having to deal with this Flowers

Original poster
Poppersincupboard · 22/02/2014 11:19

Fab - yes you are right. He and his ex used to swing (apparently it was mutual, but I only have his word for this). He told me he swore that he would have a 'vanilla' sex life when he met me - I was clueless. I did suspect swinging when we met, as he had magazines under the bed, but he denied any interest, saying he thought people who did were disgusting!

OP posts:
AllThatGlistens · 22/02/2014 11:21

Oh OP Sad

He really has led you a merry dance, hasn't he?

Original poster
Poppersincupboard · 22/02/2014 11:21

Bubbles, oh well, good for you Thanks

Allthatglistens, it doesn't hurt, you're just confirming my suspicions, I can guess who the second coffee cup was for when he went abroad 'alone'.

OP posts:
AllThatGlistens · 22/02/2014 11:23
Sad

Do you have friends and family in RL to support you? There's some amazing posters here that offer invaluable support, there's always someone to listen and you aren't alone.

Coconutty · 22/02/2014 11:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Poppersincupboard · 22/02/2014 11:24

Allthatglistens, it seems so. Things are great between us in every other way since the sex has disappeared. I guess I feel detached from him, so him not wanting doesn't hurt so much. I hate, hate having sex, then minutes later him saying "sorry, I'm not going to get there".

Sex was great when we met, it just started to go wrong after the honeymoon, and since I discovered he used to cruise for gay sex, he hasn't been interested at all - and I find it hurts less to avoid it too.

OP posts:
Original poster
Poppersincupboard · 22/02/2014 11:25

Thank you, I have to go out in a moment, I don't know whether to confront him or not. I will be back when I get home Thanks to you all x

OP posts:
chipshop · 22/02/2014 11:28

The slut comment is horrible, he's taking his issues out on you. You deserve more than this.

redundantandbitter · 22/02/2014 11:31

I'm wincing at the 'slut' comment. You dressed up and he calked you that? That's so hurtful . And throwing it away in front of you ,but secretly buying more. Reading some of the threads on mumsnet makes me think that sexual preferences can't be suppressed or denied. is it possible to go back to 'vanilla' ?

Poppers were popular when I was 16yrs old and just gives you a massive headache. No one I knew used it for sex but we did buy it from the local sexshop.

I know my Exp had a bottle. He giggled about bit though thinking back to it, he didn't really explain what and why and when....he was a knob though

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