He is gone

[dramajustfollowsme]

I am just home having sat with my wonderful, wonderful grandad as he peacefully slipped away. He was my last surviving older relative and thoroughly terrific person in every way. My Facebook is filled with people, young and old telling me how wonderful he was. He was a total inspiration and the kindest, most positive person. I feel very privileged to be able to call him mine.
I now have to organise yet another funeral with my dsis. I'm not sure how I will ever manage to explain to my dd or my unborn child how fantastic their great grandfather was. He was a brave war veteran, amazing drummer, terrible joke- teller, biscuit eating, loving man and I miss him already.
He had a fabulous life, which I am truly grateful for but will leave a gaping hole in my heart.
I hope there is a heaven and that my mum, aunt and grandma were waiting for him with a cup of tea and a penguin biscuit.

I hope you had a half decent sleep last night.

The HA will send your aunt back to her council house. I take it the 'giving' of her council house wasn't done through proper legal channels? If so, there may well be implications there but let your aunt's children sort that out. You might want to take care of everyone but this isn't your fight.

Take some care of yourself now. Your dh sounds lovely, let him take charge now and again.

It is complicated by the fact Granda owned the flat but paid a factor fee for services and the building maintenance. However, she can't stay there so that is the end of the story. She probably will try to wait as long as possible.
Where as I would like to clear it and get it on the market - off our hands quite quickly.
Part of her problem is being terrible with money. She just fritters it away, has no idea what on etc. she probably won't think about the fact we will be paying bills until it is sold.
Her problems although pretty obvious have never been officially diagnosed. She got a lot worse after getting with her husband. I think there is also a degree of depression thrown into the mix. However, as I am not her next of kin there is little I can do. Her children won't bother getting her help either.
She really is like a child. She likes the idea of helping with things but can't use initiative or foresee problems. She rarely complete things or if she does makes a total mess of things.
Her son manipulates every situation to his advantage.
School were vile again. They said I was likely going to have to go on ssp if I take any more time off before mat leave. I went straight to the union and await their take on the matter.
I spent today on the brink of tears. I'm fed up fighting all corners all the time.
Dd's nursery added to my woes. Since being ill a few weeks ago, dd has had a few toilet accidents. She had previously been dry day and night since October. I don't know if there is something physically wrong or if it is to do with Granda/new baby etc.
It doesn't happen every day - no accidents yesterday. Today 3 accidents. They are saying that she won't be able to go up with the other 3 year olds if it continues. I hadn't been making an issue of it. Just giving massive praise for dry days, reward charts. I will take her to the doctor in case there is something but surely that would be constant?
Not sure what else to do. She will be very upset at being separated from her friends. This could make her more anxious and more accidents.
I just want to stop working, look after my girl and away from the atmosphere at school.
What a bloody moan I am.

Good old work drama, just when you could do with a bit of support. You're hardly swinging the lead or whatever the expression is.

Re: DD - Lots of three year olds regress like this it's usually only a temporary thing. They tend to have more accidents when they're stressed or in a hurry or distracted. Don't even hint to her she might get left behind when her little pals move up a group. I think you're doing all the right things, in addition can I suggest maybe some new pants featuring a fave character? On the understanding that she only gets a clean pair of the new ones at the start of the day, if she messes them she'll only get the old ones to change into. Very matter of fact, not cajoling and not telling off iyswim.

PS Bet she's not the only DC who has accidents, they're not likely to tell you about anyone else.

drama have a look in the local paper or on line or speak to an estate agent and find an estimate of a rent for your Granda's property. Then tell your Aunt you will be charging her that rent until she vacates, that should focus her mind.
Also, get on with clearing out the property now, so she knows you are serious, don't let her be comfortable and settled there, be disruptive.

Charges on the property while it is on the market will be deducted from the amount the property sells for, before the estate is divided, so keep a detailed list of everything, eg pay yourself expences for time there cleaning, time spent with viewers of furniture, transport of sold goods. You should not be out of pocket at all.

Sorry to hear about your little one, she will soon get back to normal, she has had so much going on in the last few weeks.

I know it is all horrible

Excellent idea about the character pants - we have just the doc mcstuffin pants that may do the trick!
I didn't think too much of her wetting either. However I panicked when the nursery nurse said that. I think it was just the final straw.

Allalone, luckily our solicitor is fab and a family friend. My mum was his godmother. Dd is going to be his flowergirl. I can hand over financial things to him and he will just sort it. He is like my big brother and completely got my back. It is also excellent that he knows my aunt like a relative too.
The practical side of clearing things won't be so easy. My aunt had her owned property repossessed. She took all

Her belongings to her council flat and hasn't unpacked most of it - 5 years on. The place is like a house from hell with dirt.
Luckily Dsis and I did a massive clean of granda's flat in October. I try not to think about the fact I was pregnant and didn't know whilst clambering about
It is just stuff to clear. Though we think we might be best to just remove carpets all together. Id quite like to get a prof carpet cleaner in to try and rescue them. Granda and I had been shopping for kitchen flooring but that got abandoned when he was ill.

I hope your union are supporting you re:work. I don't see how they can legally force you onto ssp....surely the time off you've had with your Granda being ill and passing on should be compassionate leave anyway? Let the union fight this one for you.

Well I'm relieved to hear that you have got a good trustworthy solicitor looking after you, especially with the school being so difficult and your pregnancy, you have got more than enough on your plate ATM.

Take care and try to get some rest.

Drama - so sorry to hear that your cousin was a prize arse, and that you were physically assaulted. He really does deserve a good kicking.

Much wisdom from Jux and Allalone as ever - stand back and let them all get on with it. You have enough to do for you, your DH, DSis and your children. To hell with anyone else who is an emotional vampire.

for you. x

Just to pile on the crap, my mil has just given me an earful for not making arrangements to take my nephew to the cup final.
We only managed to get the tickets the day after Granda died. I've barely had a chance to think about it. Let alone discuss it with dh or his sister.
Typical mil being no bloody help at all. It is amazing how fabulous and kind dh is when you consider his parents.

Pregnancy hormones are amazing! I can't believe the stuff that I am managing to just wash over me and not be bothered.
Just got a text from solicitor knight in shining armour he wants me to just drop off all Granda's bank stuff, insurance policies etc and he will sort it all. I hadn't even asked him.
He is going to take all finances outwith our control so I don't feel obliged to pay for things just because aunt or cousins don't have money.
I've finished counting the collection from the funeral. £850 split between the hospital and cancer research.

Pressed post. too soon!

You sill hve to tell your unt that you won't be pying for these things and they will have to be deducted from her share:if she is non compos mentis then you nee to tell one of your cousins. I would. take great pleasure in doing that in writing if I were you.

[ confused] before the post above, I had posted another one, which def showed up on the thread butnow it's gone!

It was to say read them meters, can cel Sky etc and the landline. Maybe yr solicitor is doing that? What a treasure!

You are doing really well, but it's a bit like giving birth - at first you're carried through by adrenaline but then you suddenly are absoluty exhausted.

God, I hate typinf on my phone!

Oh yes, good point from Jux about reading the meters so that your aunt pays for all power water etc that she uses.

Thanks! That is all really good advice.

Hope you have an easy day today drama

Dd and I are going to do some nice things that we haven't managed in weeks, with being being ill and dashing to the hospital. We are going for a walk to the library and then to a cafe for some lunch.
Dd asked if there was a Dobbies in the sky so Granda could have a cake! Bless her.
I'll go in to Granda's flat later but first it is all about dd and having a nice time.

Compassionate leave, that's the phrase i couldn't think of upthread; perfectly reasonable.

I hope I didn't upset anyone earlier, I didn't mean dog lovers shouldn't be upset about a beloved pet passing, but three days off for her dog whilst begrudging you time off for your Granda's funeral, that was spiteful of your JS.

It is a wonder how lovely offspring come from inherently thoughtless parents.

Sorry for those ridiculous two posts! Am off the phone now so may make a bit more sense.

Read meters
Cancel subscriptions
Cancel landline
Stop any other dd

Your lovely solicitor will freeze your Granda's bank account as a matter of course, but if you're paying for anything to do with the house, stop it all.

You will have to warn your aunt that you are stopping your payment of whatever, that's only fair. I would also write to your nasty cousin, as your aunt seems incapable of understanding this stuff, and I'm afraid I would enjoy writing to him.

That, in a nutshell, is what I meant to post last night.

Drama, yes! Take some time out to do nice things with dd. I think that it's quite important to show that it is possible to have happy times in the midst of grief, and that it is OK to do so.

You are entitled to compassionate leave, I'm sure. Check your contract.

I understood Jux! Remember I decipher 8 year old story writing for a living!
Dd has just fallen asleep. She dropped naps months ago. I'm not sure if the accidents which on inspection of pants look like runny poos. were maybe a bug. Or if this is a kind of grief.
There are a whole host of things I should be doing but I'm going to sit and watch an episode on OBEM, mn on ipad and eat biscuits.
Ooh my mil would have a fit! Sitting around with cleaning to do! But I don't care, I'm knackered.

Away in to start getting financial stuff organised. If I can get all the paperwork that my aunt has been hiding in her handbag...

Things are worse than I feared. Someone had got Granda to open a second bank account. This had dd coming off to pay for both cousin's sky TV, rent and idiot cousin's season ticket. Idiot also went on a couple of holidays and his sister's wedding seems to have been paid out of it too.
I stupidly had only been checking granda's current account. However this second account had money transferred from granda's isa.
All that is left in the isa is £10. Why didn't I check it.
There is no money to pay for the funeral or the maintenance of the flat.
I told aunt to be out by the weekend so we can cancel his tv, phone and keep his elec to a minimum to keep the heating on occasionally so it doesn't get damp.
She said he wanted to pay these things. Crap. If that was the case he would have insisted that he pay for Dsis and I too. He ALWAYS made us all the same. ALWAYS. I am convinced this has been done fraudulently.
Sol is going through everything and says it will all come out of sale of house. He is going to look to see if we could/should go to the police.
Poor Granda, will never have imagined that there wouldn't be money to cover his funeral.

I have no words drama. I'm sick they could take advantage of him like this. No wonder your cousin's been angry - he knew he was going to be found out. I'm glad your solicitor is on top of this. How long has it been going on for? Before he was ill I guess...