He is gone

[dramajustfollowsme]

I am just home having sat with my wonderful, wonderful grandad as he peacefully slipped away. He was my last surviving older relative and thoroughly terrific person in every way. My Facebook is filled with people, young and old telling me how wonderful he was. He was a total inspiration and the kindest, most positive person. I feel very privileged to be able to call him mine.
I now have to organise yet another funeral with my dsis. I'm not sure how I will ever manage to explain to my dd or my unborn child how fantastic their great grandfather was. He was a brave war veteran, amazing drummer, terrible joke- teller, biscuit eating, loving man and I miss him already.
He had a fabulous life, which I am truly grateful for but will leave a gaping hole in my heart.
I hope there is a heaven and that my mum, aunt and grandma were waiting for him with a cup of tea and a penguin biscuit.

Kids were fab! My job share had told them why I was off. A few came in with pictures and Hama bead hearts. The trip was good. The museum staff and volunteers were lovely.
It took my boss until 2pm to ask how I was. His office is opposite my room. I was asked if I really need a whole day for the funeral. I nearly told them to shove their job up their arses.
Bearing in mind, another, more favoured teacher has been off for 4 weeks paid leave because her aunt died and my js got 3 days off when her dog died.
I stayed for all the meetings and they can have no complaints about me.
Dh has agreed that I will go back to school for a short time after mat leave - so I don't have to give them any money back. Then I will resign, whether I have a job or not. There is heaps of supply work up here so I'll soon get a job.

drama

Just a suggestion - but maybe start to write down all his stories (and your memories) for the youngsters. You'll think now that you'll remember them but they slip away so fast. I'm doing that for my father and it helps me a lot as well.

drama I am glad the trip went well. Your boss sounds appalling and great decision to get the mat leave and then walk.

Today has been horrible. I asked my prat of a cousin to help as some things are tricky with a 2yo in tow and dsis is working.
He said he would take clothes to the funeral home and drop off the picture for the hymn sheets at the same time.
Granda had quite specific wishes about what he wanted to wear. I went round to granda's flat later today. I found the bag of clothes I had laid out. Prat had not taken them over. I went round with the clothes myself. I really had wanted to avoid taking a toddler to a funeral home.
I found he had emailed a photo to them though. He had chosen a different photo to the one we, as a family, had decided on. Luckily the funeral director queried it as it showed him very ill and asleep in hospital.
He has now started shouting about the fact that Granda wanted dsis and I to speak. He wants to speak. I would have no problem with that but he usually crumbles at funerals. My dsis and I did it for mum so I think we will be ok. We want to make sure Granda's story gets across clearly. He wants to show off. He also barely ever visited or helped out.
He doesn't know half the information and is just wanting to look good himself. I have no doubt that this isn't about Granda at all.
Prat can be soooo like his abusive, bullying alcoholic father. He is practically frothing at the mouth at not being able to manipulate us. However, we really could be done without the hassle.

Pressed too soon.
Dd realised we were passing the hospital. She absolutely broke her heart as she really wants to see Granda.
It is so difficult to get it across to her. You think she has some sort of understanding then clearly hasn't. She is grieving but doesn't realise this.
We have read picture books about bereavement tonight. We also went and bought a special teddy. I found some material like Granda's favourite tie and we made Grand Ted a tie to match.
She is going to cuddle the Ted if she feels sad or wants to talk to Granda. I've put some of his aftershave on him too. I feel so helpless.

Your cousin sounds unspeakable.
Poor DD. In a funny way it may help your grieving, having to bring it down to a level she can understand. Grand Ted sounds like a lovely help.

drama have read your thread & just wanted to say how sorry I am. If your cousin wants to speak, let him. You all know who really cared. Sending you a big hug. Stay strong. Your Grandad would be really proud of you. xx

Sorry your cousin is being a bit of a bampot drama but your idea of consoling DD with the tie on her Grand Ted and some aftershave is inspired.

drama my dad did similar, even though he'd no relationship with Granddad for over 5 years. Can you tell your cousin that time constraints mean he can't talk at the funeral but maybe he could instead say a few words at the wake as a compromise? I'm glad the funeral director has some sense!

It is hard with little ones to understand what's going on. Take it slowly and I think saffron is right, it will help you grieve too. There is a company that can make bears and things out of the late person's clothing - could be a nice thing to do for her? Or maybe you think it's a bit weird? I can't remember the name of the company but I'm sure someone on MN would know.

I really want to say something about your boss but I don't want to swear on this thread. Surely your contract allows you a certain amount of compassionate leave. Look forward to the day you finally leave for good!

Your cousin sounds so like a few of mine, everything is about them and an opportunity to show off.

At my brother's funeral we told the one who wanted to speak that there was 1 minute but he couldn't go over. The man who was running the service was very strict and insisted on everyone submitting copies of their speeches and had no compunction about ringing this cousin and telling him he had to cut what was submitted to a fifth of its length. Cousin wouldn't so cousin didn't speak. Just as well, we'd booked a double slot and over-ran even so.

Have you read Goodbye Mog to dd? It may help her understand. I also told dd that the friend of ours who died when dd was about your dd's age that the friend had turned into a star so we wouldn't be able to visit or talk to her any more, but we looked at the sky each night and we waved and blew kisses and called our love out to her - dd chose which star she was. Somehow she knew , it was very sweet.

Ah! Op. Sorry for your loss

I remember losing 2 at a young age, the other 2 went before I knew them.

Take care of yourself

Jux, I've got Goodbye Mog and Badger's gifts that I use if kids at school have been bereaved. I only last night looked them out - great minds and all that!
Cousin has been told that he isn't speaking as his mum and I, as the oldest are doing it. He has been huffing about but I couldn't give a shiny shit. Yet again have either cousin been of help today.
Articles have started appearing in the press and I'm being overwhelmed by messages of support. It is really lovely.
School played another blinder today. I was off for one day before mid term as I had dragged myself into school the 2 previous days but was still feeling lousy. I had been off 3 days previous because of the flu.
I phoned school at the time and explained the doctor had given me a line but as it was mid-term I was only off one day.
I filled in a self-cert form as I didn't think I should take the line in for one day.
They want to discipline me again tomorrow as I didn't follow procedure. They never mentioned when I asked for the form or handed it in. Instead they waited until I was off today and sent a shitty email. Fabulous.
Such a supportive workplace.
I've counted it out- as of tomorrow I've 31 working days left. I am just going to keep my nose clean and strike off the days.
My Dsis wants to take dd tomorrow night so dh and I can relax a bit. I'm so lucky to have her. She is the best! And on Saturday morning we are going for a gender scan so that is something to look forward to.

Went into school yesterday and was pulled into the office. I gave them the doctor's line. I was then grilled about my attendance and my maternity leave.
I got my Mat-b1 form on Wednesday but wanted to write my official letter of when I wanted to start maternity leave and how long I was taking off. I am going to hand it in on Tuesday. I will still be 22wks.
I was told that I am messing them around and taking advantage.
I have been trying my hardest. I came into work feeling lousy for a long time. Only not going in when i really couldn't do much at all. I fainted at school but carried on working the rest of the day. I've taken a day to sort the funeral and a day for the funeral. According to my contract, I am allowed 5 days.
Apparently, my js has been complaining and rolling her eyes about me to anyone who will listen and told management that i Was further along in pregnancy so should have put those forms in. I have only just got them. She is also moaning about me being ill - she was worse apparently...
I'm not sure how I'm supposed to have any sort of working relationship with someone who is nice to my face, lies and stabs me in the back.
Most of my colleagues don't take any notice of her because she is renowned for being a bitch but I am hurt. Not entirely surprised but hurt.

Not surprised you're hurt, what a silly bitch your js person is! Ignore and concentrate on all the good people in your life

Drama so sorry your work are being such dicks. If I was in your shoes (and not suggesting you'd do this), I'd just think "fuck them", go to the doctor and say that I was stressed, and get signed off for three weeks.

Totally understand why you're hurt by the horrible js.

Glad that you're in control of things with regard to the funeral etc. We were fortunate with my Dad's 'farewell' thing. We hired a village hall (he wasn't religious) and had a private funeral. At the 'wake' we laid on loads of food and drink he'd like, and made a slide show with pictures of him and our late mum, and put in phrases and sayings he used a lot. We asked people to write down their memories of him, and share any photos.
We'll be making those into a book to keep.

Keep strong. x

Your js is a complete cow, pure and simple. I hope one of your other colleagues pulls her up one day when she is moaning about you - in public.

I know it's another battle you don't need or want to fight at the moment but I think your school should be reminded of your legal rights as a pg woman. Can you consult a Citizens Advice centre or get a solicitor's advice and formulate a very clear letter? I had to do it when I was pg with dd and my employer was an arsehole and denying me my legal rights. Getting it down on paper clarified for them that I wasn't going to be messed around. If you have to remind them of the time off others have had (especially regarding the dog dying compared with your Granddad) the I'd do that too.

I would remind your JS about her taking 3 days off for when her dog died.

She is such a PITA and your boss is not much better.

You know, I would tell her. "Hi, I gather that you know that I'm x weeks along. Why do you think that?"

My dh also wants me to go to the doctors. Before we had dd, We had a series of mc and a stillborn son. He is beside himself with worry about me. I'm ok though. I'm measuring a little bit small but scans and all tests have been fine. I get regular checks.
My overwhelming feeling is that this is their way of getting me not to come back after mat leave. I've seen them do this to others and they tried this to a certain extent with me last time. I actually was signed off then and my waters broke at 34wks.
Js is unbelievably self-centred. Last year, before all this a colleague was diagnosed with cancer. We, as a staff arranged a lunch with the girl whilst she was off. Js cancelled my order, saying I had far too much to do for that nonsense. Luckily someone else put my order back on and warned me. She couldn't see that this wasn't about me having a nice lunch but about supporting a friend/colleague during a difficult time. She shows a lot of narc traits. Her dh is a bloody saint putting up with her.

I'm so sad for you drama, that you are having to put up with all this crap at work, when you have got more than enough to be dealing with in the rest of your life.

I agree that this is a deliberate policy to intimidate you, so that you do not return to work post mat leave. I think you should make a formal complaint about it to your union. I would not be surprised if your JS partner has been promised the full time job.

Having said that, MrsC's suggestion that you get a sick note for the rest of the time up to the start of your mat leave sounds like a great solution for you, especially with your previous pregnancy medical history.
MrsC is seldom wrong! You know it makes sense!!

The union are very keen for me to pursue this. Several others have been treated similarly but dropped the case when they got paid off handsomely by the school.
Think the union are frustrated that the school act like this repeatedly and get away with it.
I've been asking for all these "disciplinary" meetings to be recorded. I asked for copies of the minutes.
I've kept copies of any emails and taken my own notes - going back over a year of stuff happening.
Union suggested I also copy my whole planning and assessment folder as js has not completed any of it. All year. She did next to nothing with reports either. She wrote one sentence for each child. We have done 2 sets so far and have another to go.
Me being me just did the rest of the work as I don't want the kids to suffer. I've been advised not to approach reports this way for the next set. I've to do 12 completely and leave 8 entirely to her. I hate that 8 kids might be affected by this but I know this is one way she gets off with it. She knows I will do extra things for my kiddies sakes.
Interestingly the kids and parents have picked up who does the work. All ask to see me at parent interviews. I got a much, much bigger present at end of term last year and at Christmas. When I came in on Tuesday, a parent commented that the kids would be delighted to have me back rather than js. I always try to get across that js share things to the kids but they see what I do with them and what she does with them, I know them all, their strengths/weaknesses, she doesn't. Annoying as she is perfectly capable of being a fab teacher. It just appears that she can't be arsed.
Went and looked at granda's flowers for the funeral. They are lovely. We got one shaped like a snare drum from both ggc. It is brilliant.
Today I'm going to relax as tomorrow will be huge. I will be delivering the eulogy with my aunt. Cousin is sulking but I don't care. It isn't about him. He is in charge of putting on a PowerPoint of pics and video clips of Granda. Dsis put it together as cousin said he was too busy. He is unemployed. Dsis works ft.

We got one shaped like a snare drum from both ggc. How good is that! Whatever cousin does or doesn't do tomorrow, he is not going to figure large.

Rest up today drama. I think it's ridiculous JS should coast along then bitch about you. Glad you're getting good avice from the union.

Please give your cousin a sneaky kick in the shin under a table when this is all over.

I'm glad your Union are supporting you. Sometimes it takes one person to fight to make things better for others later. Perhaps look at it from the point of view that if you get enough financial remedy you won't have to go back to work - just pay off what you'd owe them for Mat Leave and disappear into the sunset leaving js to up her game rapidly!

It doesn't surprise me that parents and children know who does the work - it can be screamingly obvious.

I will be thinking of you tomorrow too

Im just back from lunch with the family. It was going ok then cousin decided to pin me against a wall by the shoulders and scream in my face that I was a bitch. This was in front of everyone, including dd and his own niece who is only 1.
God knows how he came away alive. I've never ever seen dh or my Dsis look so murderous.
He did a similar thing to his sister years ago but no witnesses and it was put down to a sibling squabble. He ended up in casualty as he pout his fist through a glass panel door.
It was then that it was decided he would stay with his other grandparents and his sister would stay with his mum.
I am really shaken but not hurt. Tomorrow is going to be even worse now. I have no idea where to go from here. I do not want him causing a scene at the funeral. Although as his other grandad will be there I think he won't behave like that in front of him.
We left before pudding too.