Staying DRY

[MrsSippie]

This is a continuation of the last thread DRY We are all doing our best to abstain completely from alcohol.

I'm checking in too

still sober, 148 days now. live seems tough at the moment but I know it would be a lot tougher drunk/ with a hangover.

Copenhagen- you post is not at all inappropriate - its very sad about your dad and I'm sorry for you loss - both now and in the past. Its a timely reminder to us all that being drunk damages our kids and they deserve better,

Thinking of everyone - sorry Im not up to posting much at the moment.. but my thoughts and sober best wishes are with you all xx

Thinking of you sober buddy

PS - I made it out for a 20 minute run at 6.30 am

Thanks for your post Copenhaganmum. Sorry to hear about your dad.

You're doing really well NiceTabard, well done!

I suppose I was just examining my thoughts Tortoise from the relative safety of knowing I'm actually unable to drink for the next few months. On metronidazole tablets too for yet another flipping abscess so booze is well and truly out of the question.

I think if I woke up tomorrow and was magically able to drink again I don't think I would. I can't see it as anything other than a poison that has emotionally, mentally and physically drained me the last few years. When various people have commented to me throughout the years about how well I've coped with this and that, I wasn't. It was all a façade. I know what my main trigger has been and that's ok as it's the first step to coming to terms with the feelings I've had. Making peace with the past as it were.

Anyways I'm going to drop off the thread for a few weeks. I kind of feel like I'm cheating a bit not being able to drink from meds . Lots to plan with the kids and I'm feeling so much more centred after taking myself away from facebook-land, I need to focus on real-life stuff and lose myself in the simple joys of life without distractions. Check in and see how you are all doing in a few weeks but wishing you all strength, health and happiness until then.

Hi all.

Finding today very tough already. Have had numerous wibbles, but have not gone to the shops yet to buy white wine.

You CAN do it nochips. I used to find in the early days that housework or reading or going out for a walk or drive was hugely helpful. Just think about how horrible you would feel .. xx

I know, am trying to focus on how disappointed with myself I will feel.
Bed scheduled for immediately after DS!

I have a trigger point coming up- when I finish work for the day, do the school run and we have 40 minutes of watching CBeebies. I am going to try and put away the ironing instead. I keep reminding myself that cravings only last 10 minutes!!!!!1 (feels like a white knuckle ride day.)

You can do it (again) .

thinking of you nochips, do anything rather than drink, eat, read, walk, take kids to park, like you say its just getting through the trigger time.
This is going to make me look a right saddo, and I hope you appreciate me letting you all take the piss out of me for it, I do a jigsaw on my tablet or the computer . you can get some good apps for free and it occupies my mind away from drinking.
yeah yeah, laugh away, and no I don't wear socks with sandals

have a good few weeks morangu, I only go on Facebook , mumsnet if I'm feeling in a good place, and don't tend to comment on other than this chat, keeps for good serenity

That's not sad stayingdry!

So, here is the time for me to admit that 2-3 Christmases ago I bought myself a number of lovely jigsaws, thinking that I could spend the evenings doing them with a hot chocolate by my side. But have never done it- because there are loads of pleasurable things I do not allow myself to do 'until I have stopped drinking'. Picnics are another thing I will not let myself do until I have stopped drinking. It is like I refuse to let myself do things I enjoy because drinking means I 'don't deserve it' if that makes sense.

Am feeling better. The craving has passed for now. Have definitely decided that the ironing will be done instead. Strangely looking forward to it!

nochips well done on hacking through those cravings.

OMG I know what you mean about the endlessly deferred gratification. I am like that, with all the lovely things I will do when I have lost weight.

Work is crazy and I never get done what I need to. For this reason - partly - I haven't been doing my hobby as I feel so guilty about doing anything that isn't useful. It is insane!

I NEED something creative or I am useless. I have realised I just have to do this thing. I have 10 hours off work a day, if I am lucky, including sleep. I realise that this feeling of living in a cupboard is part of what makes me drink. 2 hours is the max I can have without feeling tired the next day. And so I drink to extend them (To stop myself worrying that it is late) or to "extend" them (to try and get a carefree feeling in a short evening)

So this is what I am doing: I am not going to cook dinner ever again. The dcs eat at the CM, dp can do what he likes. I have been 8.30 and 10.30 pm to live my life. I am not spending it cooking, eating, washing up. I am going to be up at 6.30 am. Fuck that noise. I am going to eat a sandwich on the train, or if I am more hungry or feeling like I need it, some hot takeaway.

I am going to do my hobby.
I have started this already and it makes me high to actually have something interesting and creative to do.
It is reasonably portable and now I have started I hope I will have the sense to grab it when I am feeling desperate and blue.
(Still need a weekend strategy though)

This will do nothing for my constant nagging sense of needing to eat better but fuck it. I am 42. I have worried about being fat my whole fucking life even when I was fainting with hunger. Where has it got me? Worse than fucking nowhere. I am ANGRY about this! I am not going to "do" food any more. I AM OVER IT. I am OVER IT I don't care if I die fat I am going to die anyway

bonesarecoralmade, you go girl
great positive attitude.

back from AA meeting, chilled and grateful, night all

Nochips that's exactly when my trigger point is as well - TV time after the school run/dinner's started. I went out and bought myself a really pretty coffee mug, told the whole family that they weren't allowed to use it, and also some fancy decaf coffee. So now my 'end of the day' drink is a nice coffee, and it honestly really helps. I look forward to it now; it perks me up almost like caffeine would, I think the fact that it also fills me up a bit helps because hunger is a killer (HALT, remember?), and it feels like enough of a ritual to count.

stayingdry what are your recommendations for online jigsaws please? I like jigsaws, but there's nowhere to do a physical one in our house, and when I search for online ones there's a million sites and I can't work out which ones are nice to use. I have an iPad if that makes a difference.

Thanks everyone. Yesterday was a really hard day for me. I hope today is better.

Tortoise I like the idea very much of creating another ritual. I am going to give that some thought.

My eating has gone haywire as well (surprise surprise!). I detest chocolate and am eating my (increasing) bodyweight in kit kats.

Right. Today. I am going to focus on everything I have to do..... finish off a project for a client. Parent effectively. Copenhagen your post made me think too. Currently I hope DS is too young to have noticed my drinking. I do not want my drinking to be a feature in his life. My DMother suffered from depression and drank too much for her.... half a bottle of wine a night roughly, but she became a nasty tipsy (rather than drunk) person. I am not having that for my son.

Thanks again everyone for holding my hand.

morning all fellow sobers
tortoise, I get jigsaws from google play apps on my tablet. The ones I like are called jitsy jigsaws and ones made by titan, all free, hope this helps.
also, strangely I don't like chocolate, thought I was the only person on the planet in fact when you tell anyone their reaction is oddly similar to them finding out about being alcoholic I have found myself craving it, but seems to have passed, assume its the sugar crave after alcohol.
partner away for the weekend on a rockabilly concert, drinking do, so on my own with the dc. not a problem, after the shit I've put him through deserves to let his hair down abit.to be honest, quite enjoy my own space, used to hate it but sober time with the dc is enjoyable also more time and opportunity to work on getting my gazebo, still not quite there yet
have a fab sober, guilt free day all

thinking about it, I did the new ritual thing, started buying the fancy coffee sachets, got a nice pot to keep them in and a nice mug......strange us alcoholics

hi nochips well done for hanging in there.

I am day 4 today which is approaching my danger point. I work from home on Fridays and have a tendency to get euphoric about leaving on Thursdays, especially if full of adrenalin after a busy day. Then if I still stay off the booze on Thursday, Friday is dangerous and all the rest of the weekend.

I will be thinking of you all and trying to stay cool and calm.

I've been reading a lot of Lucy Rocca stuff (of Soberistas fame). She is like me (though she had the sense to stop sooner) in that she was someone who was feisty and creative as a child but all that stopped when she was drinking. I used drinking to cope with feelings in my teens, twenties, and thirties. Having children killed my "me" when they were babies, my spark, my creativity - I was drinking some of the time too but when I wasn't (pregnant or breastfeeding) I was depressed and dead and had no me. Now my youngest is nearly 3 I feel a delightful sense that I can live life if I choose. I am enjoying reading her experiences and nodding along.

My anti-booze transitional crutch - the kindle!

Have a good day all

Sunshine, fun stuff to do at work and over the weekend... it would drive you to drink. I'll be on my guard

Hello soberiñas, I wonder if any of you could advise me - not sure there's anything I can do but maybe others have been in this situation. I'm 11 years sober, and three years married - DH has never seen me anything other than sober and he has absolutely no understanding about anything addiction-related. For example, he has said maybe I could just have one glass of wine now? like, have you thought about doing that? just one glass? . It's fine, it would have upset me a lot in my early days but it doesn't bother me at all.

What does bother me occasionally is that DH drinks pretty much every day, or most days. Hardly anything - like one beer and one glass of wine - and I've seen him drunk maybe three or four times since I've known him. And not even steaming drunk, you wouldn't be able to tell if you weren't very familiar with unsobriety, if you know what I mean. So he's never done anything that would raise red flags to a civilian, but every now and then it bothers me. I don't really like the smell of alcohol at all, and he's much much more likely to snore if he's had even a small amount of alcohol. But I have to live in the real world, I never expect anyone (else) to modify their habits to suit me. If I don't want to be around people getting drunk then that's my shit and I make sure I can get away from it.

But I do like it when DH doesn't drink. Recently we've been trying to get a bit healthy and exercise more and eat better, and he's decided that he'll only drink at the weekend, which obviously I like. But the weekend seems to start on a thursday, and sunday is still the weekend, of course, and tuesdays are a tough day for him at work so he needs a glass of wine to unwind...

My issue is this: he knows I prefer it when he doesn't drink. He's said he won't drink during the week. But he usually does. This, to me, means one of two things. (1) He wants to not drink but can't; or (2) He doesn't care how I feel. Neither of these options feel great to me. I can't put my finger on whether IABU as the amount he drinks is so tiny. Does it matter? I know I have been unreasonable about things in the past - trying to control what other people do to suit me, I mean. But I also know that if it's a problem (for me) then it's a problem. I just don't know. I do know that I can't control what he does, and I shouldn't want to, and I can find a way of living with whatever he does and be happy either way. I'd be really interested in what other people think though.

Sorry this is rather an essay, I've tried to keep up with this thread but it moves so fast! Thanks, all.

Hi Daisy,
Firstly I am in awe of you for being sober for 11 years.
Secondly. I am in no way on expert on things like this and have no idea how to advise you!

Has he always drunk like this?
Has it crept up?
Have you tried talking about it?

I don't know about alcohol and relationships, I really don't, it's a minefield for me too

Hi bones - thanks! and it's one day at a time. I know that it could all change in a heartbeat, so I try really hard not to be complacent about it.

He's always drunk like this since I've known him, I think maybe in the early days of courting he was trying to impress me and didn't drink when he was with me. It hasn't increased in volume though, no. I have tried talking to him about it but he has a very different way of dealing with things from me, ie, don't talk about it and it will go away. He knows this doesn't really work, and when he's not on the defensive he will try to talk, but I have to pick my moment. His view is, it's not a problem, he doesn't drink to excess. He hasn't said so, but I think he believes I'm making it more of an issue than it is.

What would you like?
Would you like him never to drink with you?
OR less than he does now?
Or stick to whatever he says he is going to do, whatever that is?

daisy, wow 11 years, inspirational
my partner drinks at weekends, finishes work Thursday night, goes early doors then, friday and a couple of pints after the football on Saturdays. I usually drop him off and if reasonable pick him up. I really don't begrudge him this, his put up with all my drinking shit, and he hates his job, so abit of chill out time is necessary for him, and to be honest,I quite like the time myself. he's not a nasty drunk, just annoying, tends to repeat himself, and obviously the snoring is a pain, but hey ho
I tend to live with the belief I have no control over other people so not to let myself stress over their actions, the only persons actions I can control 100% are mine
also would you rather be happy or right. I would rather have my serenity and be speaking to my partner than worrying, it doesn't sound like he has a problem at all. This is obviously only my opinion, hope you work it out x

also would you rather be happy or right

Yes, it's good to be reminded of this! I'm guilty of often wanting to be right. I think what I would like is for him to stick to what he says he's going to do, but this is going for the 'rather be right than happy' option. And he's not in any way horrible when he drinks, even when he's reatively pissed - just sort of bumbly and smiley and repeats himself.

I also need to remember the fact that I can't control people, places or things, I need to focus on myself and what I can change. Thanks for the reminder stayingdry.

It's funny to think of 11 years being inspirational, I don't think of it like that at all but it makes me happy if you think so! My drinking is sort of like another world, another life now, but as I say I can't afford to be complacent.

I've recently stopped going to therapy (after eight years) so I suppose I'm a bit anxious about that, that everything will fall apart without that support. It's easy to think I'm reverting to my old crazy behaviour. Getting sober didn't stop me being a bit nuts, it just helped me find ways of dealing with it better.

Hi everyone. I cannot provide any info or advice Daisy sorry! I do not mind when DH drinks at all. He really is one of those rare people who can take it or leave it. I am so new to this whole sobriety thing that anything I say would be false I think.

As for new rituals. Well, I am thinking that I will instead of reaching for the wine when getting home, I will have a shower, mosturise my skin, get dressed in comfy leggings and will make a cup of herbal tea. Then make dinner. I will try that today anyway and see if it just distracts me.

Last night I added up what I estimate I spend on alcohol each month- and realised that with that money I would be able to afford a cleaner, afford to get the lawn professionally overhauled and would still have some leftover. So that is inspiring me too!

Hello lovely sober types

Day 5 here.
Yesterday was good went to the pub, but I was with someone who I don't know that well who therefore wasn't about me having a coke. It was OK.

Today work was stressful and I really had to grit my teeth to get past the offy but I did it.

Tonight (new ritual) = posh coffee, a nice supper and early night yet again.
Random "ooh look at me all new and shiny" purchases = that self tanning moisturiser stuff for my legs which will hardly get used.

Thoughts to put away when they come into my brain:

• OMG what on earth am I going to do at the work christmas party? Which is ridiculous as a. it is march b. no-one will care and c. I haven't been for 3 years anyway, as too scared of what sort of exhibition i'd make of myself. I think this is my personal manifestation of the "Oh shit it's forever that's ages I can't do it" thought pattern.

• Giving up drinking will miraculously make me thin / prettier / wildly successful at work / constantly content.happy / mean that I start to engage in a range of sporty and/or worth activities. I know from experience that me not drinking = me exactly the same but not pissed or hung-over the whole time. And that these expectations are so that when they don't happen I can think fuckit might as well have a drink then.

I think it's going OK. I hope you are all OK too. Some amazing stories on here - 5 days feels like an achievement let alone weeks / months / years. Incredible.

We're all doing a great job IMO.