The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Wading Through Winter Blues Without The Booze!

[Mouseface]

I'm Mouse, nice to meet YOU.

This is a thread for those who want to give up drink completely, or are maybe thinking about doing controlled drinking, or cutting down slowly, it's all up to you. And of course all addictions, so if you are taking drugs of any kind, prescription or otherwise, you're very welcome here too!

You know your limits, you know what is required, it's all in YOUR hands.

Whatever your goal, you'll find unconditional support here. Always. :)

There will be talk of drinking quite often and those who fall off the Bus will post about it, so if that is going to jeopardise your chances of complete sobriety, then maybe the DRY threads would suit you better, as they are complete abstainers, but EVERYONE IS WELCOME HERE :)

There are two sayings that we rather like here -

1. • The Vulnerable Need Our Support, Not Our Judgement
2. • Alcohol Fosters Inertia

For those of you who'd like some history, here is the very first thread and the reason that we're all here now. FIRST EVER THREAD

And the most recent so you can work your way back through time IS JUST HERE

The Bus may be 'mythical', but the support is real, it is honest and it will help you to achieve what it is that YOU seek, as long as you are honest with us, but mostly, YOURSELF

Mouse xxx

Or, I just had an afterthought, show him the first thread that started the Brave Babes off. The link is in the op above. Print the thread out and give it to him to read.

There is a ton of advice, a prolific male poster with a no nonsense approach and an inspiring lady who bravely shared her experiences with us all.

Shes bloody 23!
She is doing her degree with the OU so she can live at home and save money, which, to be fair, she does. She works in a coffee shop and is saving for a car/deposit but she is so self-centered and downright rude. Every attempt at a conversation is met with a shrug or a monosyllable or "why do you want to know?" Said in a really defensive way. She comes in, eats in silence then shuts herself in her room. I think shes depressed and lonely but am now at the point of not caring whats wrong with her as she refuses to engage, ask how my day was, make any conversation. It is pissing rain here and I am taking a shameful and malicious satisfaction that I'm not picking her up from work and she can bloody well walk!!!

X post beaches, 90 mins ? wow I'd be dead, go you!!

I'm really pleased because its the longest I have managed in years like 4 years.

I feel less bloated but really hoping to lose weight for summer I am a size 12 but I have a beer belly its not good yuk

annie adding you to my list x

Ma a short, sharp dose of reality works wonders doesn't it. Much more effective that all the empathy and careful handling. A walk in the rain will make her appreciate her lifts in future.

I'm with you, stay strong. I think this weather is making us all a bit stir crazy. Even when it's not raining, it's still not that pleasant out yet. Roll on spring.

Im well done on your 8 days, keep going

Dh has gone to pick her up.grrrrr!
Makes me the bad guy again.
From today I am officially disengaged!

Foiled again. D'argh!

D'argh indeed.
That is such a good word!

So, she came home. Saw the note about the parcel and asked if anyone had got it. I just said no.
She disappears. 10 minutes later shes in the sitting room, changed, and ready to go out.I have dinner ready. No word spoken,no information offered as to where's she's going. I am so determined not to open pointless conversations any more that I don't even ask.
Someone texts her and she actually says "I'll be back later" which is the most I've heard her volunteer in weeks, so again I just look disinterested and grunt. I have no idea where she is or who she is with and have no intention of asking when she comes back in. Two can play at this game.......

Very much struggling today with my mood. Maybe I should change my name to why did THAT happen?

What's your lawyer saying why after the court?

Wish I could wave a magic wond for you honey, don't understand what the fuckwit judge is playing at, it doesn't make sense, they do sound like a bunch of incompetent fucking box tickers sorry you are going through this shit why I hope your mood improves tonight x

My lawyer is floored. She was texting me late last night, telling me it was a freak, fluke ruling, based on an strange legal debate as to whether this was fact finding or predisposition, or disposition. So while they were all having a lively and jokey legal debate, I sat there wanting to throw up. At this stage it was 2 minutes before court closed on a Friday and the judge was pissy.
My lawyer says we will try again in April, and if that fails we will appeal to a higher court. Which will make this situation case law.

I have reached out to my mother (though she is thousands of miles away and I didn't want to cause her concern). I forced myself to go out in the morning and got a facial and other little things to cheer me up. But this is all just fluff. When I got home, I just collapsed. Hot, angry tears of frustration, anger, disappointment and bewilderment just overcame me. I sat there with a bottle of lighter fluid in my hand thinking that it would feel better if I just set fire to my face. Which is of course, crazy. So I called my PTSD counsellor. We talked. She is saying that I might not be able to hold out without anti-depressants much longer. I don't want them.

So after much tears, I decided that this was a pointless exercise in pity partying. As always, there is nothing I cannot do or will not endure for my DS. When you think the well of strength within you in dry, you just have to dig deeper. And instead of giving in to self doubt, to despair, to frustration, to agony, I feel myself born again in metal. Because this is me, and this is what I must do. Just like the poem by Colombo.

Phoenix

Out of my ashes
will rise a new phoenix.

A soaring being
returning from death
proving once again
that life is eternal.

I live forever
because the spirit
never dies.

I will return
in another body
in another time,
but it is me.

The me who is me now
will always be.

As long as I live,
I learn.
And I live
F o r e v e r

I like that poem a lot

Just quickly - Ma - re the Nemo thing, yes, we had terrible trouble with her. She turned up black and blue twice, his Nurse didn't like her and told me that she behaved very unprofessionally and that we would not be seeing her again.

My friends had seen them out (unbeknownst to the respite lady) and seen him very distraught.

The thing is, he's not very good at putting his emotional welfare in to words, being 3 mentally, but almost 5 physically, and often (like his mother) will misunderstand a situation or read more into it.

She had lots of time off for 'unexplainable reasons' and eventually, was replaced. We were then told that because I had actually made my concerns to the Respite Team, Nemo was no longer eligible for any hours.

Do you remember any of this? I posted about it at the time. :)

I've asked him tonight and it was that she took him away from me. I read the notes that she wrote in the file that she filled in each time she came, they were far from the truth.... very 'everything went brilliantly' when I knew for a fact that Nemo had been extremely distraught on more than one visit, because he'd come back with the reddest eyes, face and snottiest nose, making that noise that children make after they've been crying for a long time.

Anyway, I don;t think she did anything to him, that's not what I meant and reading back it wasn't clear, sorry. I was worried about what she might have said or how she'd been with him, knowing what you didn't IYSWIM?.

Off to catch up. Will try and come back but I'm in agony and shattered. xxx

Why - sending you all the love and magic dust I can get my hands on because that's all I have for you. I'm so sorry that you are going through this shitting farce. KEEP GOING! FOLLOW YOUR INSTINCTS xxx

As always, there is nothing I cannot do or will not endure for my DS. When you think the well of strength within you in dry, you just have to dig deeper. And instead of giving in to self doubt, to despair, to frustration, to agony, I feel myself born again in metal. Because this is me, and this is what I must do

Why that is an amazing statement. Your strength is awesome, inspiring and comes from a place of true commitment. I honestly don't know how you do it but I am so very glad that you do.

You are one truly amazing person and your son is so lucky to have you. I'm sorry, my lovely, I am out of words. I cannot express my admiration for you. Keep doing whatever is that keeps you thinking like this x

Why - exactly what the wonderful Faire said is spot on! She is one savvy Babe xxx

Night all, I'm a bit drained. Take care xxx

Checking in, sober, after a party at in-laws. Ate cake and drove home also stopped drinking half-way through a bottle of wine on Friday night, just realised it would make me feel ill. Tired though. Waves to beaches, ma, venus, faire, mouse and all Babes

Waves back to joey sounds like a very responsible weekend. I love the fact that you stopped halfway through a bottle on Friday - that shows that your rational mind doesn't fly out the window once the wine is poured! All good I'd say x

Im when you wake up and read this you will be on ......DAY 9.....!!!!!

I'm still here beaches thankyou honey iv never done this and I wouldn't have got here without this bus thankyou to all passengers your amazing.

Not sure why I have bottom burps because of being sober wtf is going on is this normal jeeze

Night brave lady's x

not sure if it is related! have you been eating cabbage today perhaps!!!

No no cabbage here .... It happened last time I had a few AF days in jan....

Morning lovely people's

why hope your ok x

Happy Sunday x

Hi all

Sorry for not looking in and responding earlier - never thought a mere 2 days back at work post-review could be so draining (and worked a 14 hour day on Friday on the back of being told we would be shut down in a year as we were only an interim measure - something they didn't tell us when they begged us to take the job!) Am back in the sidecar I'm afraid, but hoping to climb out soon. And don't like to moan cos so many of you are having a worse time than me and coping so much better

Why - I was so shocked to hear your news, it is unbelievable. But you are being a tower of strength, your post about your ds was beautiful, I feel humbled. I wish I could come over there and give you a hug. You are an amazing ladyl.

I'm - you too, you are doing amazing. Well done on the AF run. Though not the bottom burps... (squirts a bit of air freshener surreptitiously around the bus)

Mouse I'm sorry you are going through it again with Nemo's ex carer issues. Hope you sort it.

Sorry for the confusion about Wankbadger - basically, he is emotionally abusive, and quite an angry person (like Joey described - nothing is ever his fault), and financially negligent. I don't want to leave him though because it is my house (bought and paid for by me, and in my name) though if he were to leave I wouldn't stop him - in fact it would be a relief. But it is easier for him to live here where I pay all the bills - if he left then he'd have to get a paying job instead of freelancing for peanuts and having his wages free for football matches every weekend. And also, until dd is in high school I couldn't cope with my stressful career and long working hours as a single mum without losing my job and income. My parents are both dead, I am an only child, and there is only so much you can ask of friends, so I just feel alone and unsupported, and acutely aware of carrying the financial can for everybody therefore trapped in job from hell for now - I want to help my kids through university and stuff, and he is just not interested in providing. We are not really partners, just a childcare job-sharing arrangement.

Anyway, moan over - I feel a right wimp, so many of you are coping with so much more.

Ma - hope dd1 sorts her head out soon - when is she off to Spain? Can you change the locks?

Day of ironing and food shopping beckons for me. And making the kids do homework despite having been off a week - it's always the last minute.

Love to all babes out there, sorry not to nc, have to nip out to get some food in before WB goes off on another of his jaunts and I have to drag the kids to the shops...

beaches yes you're right about still being able to make responsible decisions when drinking - I did feel resentment because I had to stop though!

How's your diet going?

hope if the house is in your name you can just tell him to leave. We will support you and mn relationships board has loads of information about how to go about this, if you ask. Maybe change your posting name and start a thread just as a sort of fact finding mission.

You could take your time, plan how you want to go about ending it and this time next year you could be in a new job without all these demands on you and without the burden of having to support him too. Just think how much happier you would be x

joey you DID stop though! I weighed in this morning at 141 pounds which is a few pounds lighter. I have shifted to a low carb focus though, still using mfp because it is so useful to see all the nutritional contents and weirdly the calories are lower despite more fat. I am still learning but feeling hopeful! Although sabotaging a bit with drinking. How about you? Are you still using the app and crunching your abs?

hope sounds like a very unrewarding relationship but I understand the childcare concerns. hugs to you x