What do you do in the evenings with DH?

[RebeccaJames]

My relationship is struggling a bit at the mo. Where we have never had great communication it is now going from bad to worse with a new baby in the mix.

We don't like watching the same stuff on TV and it's awf but we tend to have one person watching while the other does stuff on their phone or I read my Kindle.

We are so mired in this that I cannot remember what we used to do pre-children.

What do you do!?

We watch TV in different rooms.
There's no way I am prepared to spend my life watching soaps, golf, football and the X factor ( or whatever shite reality show is on).
HTH.

Aww im sorry to hear this. Is there anything that you do enjoy doing together and you could maybe set out a bit of time?

Me and my DH spend up until 8pm sorting the kids some nights he will happily watch tv downstairs with me other times he will go up in our bedroom and watch a dvd or play xbox. He goes bed before me usually around 10ish so i usually go lay with him for a bit then i will do some jobs or watch some catch up tv in peace.

Think its all about finding a balance. Could you designate 1 night a week for a date night? x

he spends the evening asking me if there is anything i'd like to watch, i say no, because i am www-ing.... he finds something and promptly falls asleep and snores

we are quite happy with this routine though tbh....he works shifts so is only here about half the time. I would have to kill him though if this was every night.

I tend to lie on the floor ( most comfy down there) and dh sits on the sofa and rubs my back. Tend to have telly on but only sporadically pay attention to it.

Some nights, like tonight, we are doing different things- I'm studying and he's watching tv. Other nights we cuddle up to watch a film or drink wine and munch awful food.

We are not married though fwiw.

We tend to record the things we do like watching together - in our case crime dramas, period dramas, things like that. Sometimes we share a bottle of wine and chat. We try to get a babysitter once every few weeks and go for a meal or something similar. I think it can be tough getting couple-time with a small baby, but it does get better. Good luck!

When dh gets in we have dinner together. No tv so have a good chat or if i have eaten earlier I still sit with him and have a mug if tea.

We don't really watch TV until around nine. Watch the news etc. together. But we are both on the net too.
Up until then its busy enough. Dh does the bottles and I get a few things done, go for a swim or bath as baby isn't great for napping in the day.

We make a point if going for a drive or stopping at a local hotel for coffee the odd evening.

Watching a DVD together here but both netting. Dh is looking at fishing sites zzzzzzz

We often sit and read - newspaper or other stuff. We tend to record stuff we like or work our way through a box-set. He works away 2 nights a week so I get to watch the crappy stuff he doesn't like then.
We do spend a lot of time chatting, bouncing ideas about. He preaches at our church about one week in 6 and likes my input and we work well together on that (we both went back to college in our late 30s to study theology). Sometimes he mindlessly plays Candy Crush and I go on MN. he has a stressful, busy job (he's a GP) so needs downtime. I'm working on some research stuff for my work (in education) so I do sometimes have to work in the evening, though I try to do it on days he's working.
Our dc are up later in the evening these days (they're 10,12,14) so we've a bit less adult time, though it's great that even our oldest dd wants to be with us and not moodily listening to music in her room (she's turning into me, is a bit of an oddball geek and has recently discovered both The Smiths and Talking Heads!)

Try and aim to have one date night a week where it's phones down, intentional time with each other. We watch a film, listen to music, eat a Tesco finest meal together at the table, write down 20 questions each on individual boys of paper to find out things we don't know about each other, cards, Cook a meal for the other of their choice, sex, neck and shoulder message following a video on YouTube. Even try an evening of thinking of things you could do on a date night. If it's possible to get a babysitter, do take of your support network. Remember the best thing a dad can do for his children is to love their mother and vice versa. Your relationship is very important. Well done you for wanting to look after it. This time with a little one is challenging one when you're both knackered. You'll get through it x

He ebays, I fb or mn. This evening we've been building lego. Some nights we watch documentaries or shows we like. But we're always in the same room.

catsmamma, for me it is every night ...

thinki'mmad, date night would be hard at the mo with Baby and we don't have anyone I would be happy to babysit at this stage. But even more than that, I would dread such a thing as I do not know what we would talk about. Saying that makes me realise how bad it must be!

Rebecca, could you not date night in your home so you dont need a sitter? I know its hard if babies not in a routine and waking but what we do is candles/dvd/take away and the duvet on the sofa. It not always as romantic as it sounds we do get disturbed but its still nice and still something to look forward to for us.

If your worried about talking you could always discuss the movie?

That does sound tough OP.

We did date night with a young baby but at home -- nice dinner and wine, bit of music and candles, it was a nice chance to relax and stay connected. We still do this now as don't have babysitters.

Could you try it once and see how it goes? Maybe you are over-worrying about having nothing to talk about -- maybe once you relax a bit and enjoy yourselves, it will all come back?

If you try it and it really doesn't work out, at least then you have an opening to talk about what's going on.

I'm not sure it matters what you do, it's how you feel about it. We spend some nights as you do but it feels cozy, not unhappy, because the background is different.

Dh comes home from work then we have dinner together.. He or i put Dd to bed then i sometimes sit on the floor or lie down while i get a massage, sometimes he gets one. We then watch something together if we like whatever is on. He got me an ipad so he could watch game of thrones,breaking and goldrush and other boring shows in peace..We are together most evenings but he also goes out to a friend's house once a week.
Op my Dh is not much for talking either but it is ok because Dd and i does all the talking for him

Posted too soon. Like the other posters have said, could you try a date evening at home?. I agree that with a baby relationships tend to take second place. Open a nice bottle of wine, nice dinner and make it as romantic as you can. If it does not work then you know you have tried. So sorry you are feeling this way. Hope things get better for you Op..

I work in the evening half of the week. Usually out with friends at least one night of the week. Iron one night (currently working my way through parks and rec). Have one night which is our night. Nice dinner, few glasses of wine, decent film or whatever new show we are watching. I don't like sitting watching telly. I feel like my life is slipping away.

He Xboxes, I mumsnet.

Only been married 1.5 years!

Most nights we do the same as you but it doesn't feel like we are disconnected. I usually lie on the sofa on my phone or watching my soaps and he'll sit with his legs over me and use my tummy as a laptop table- cheeky bugger
We talk about our day at dinner and we cook together when possible and we feel like this is a good bonding activity because you feel a bit productive.
I hope things get better for you x

He gets in from work quite late, around 8. I cook dinner while watching TV in the kitchen, he plays video games in the study or tinkers with his myriad projects in the basement. We then eat dinner together and watch an episode of whatever box set we're working through. Then usually a chat and bed. Evenings go so quickly...

TBH the things that bring us together are meals and boxsets! Otherwise we tend to be doing our own thing in different parts of the house. Except when we have DSS, then we play lots of board and card games as a family.

Can you play some games? Scrabble, chess?

I'd echo riverboat's suggestion about boxsets. Is there something you can find common ground on to watch that you would both enjoy - maybe that you've meant to watch and not got round to? You could get that and suggest working through it - then you at least have a programme to talk about.

Small steps. It's very hard when you have a young baby.

With my exP it was the football that drove me mad! It was on ALL the time. Every night and 2 /3 matches on a Sunday whilst I ran round cooking Sunday lunch and doing the ironing.

We would sometimes watch a drama together - Sherlock, Silent Witness etc but that seemed to be getting less and less.

It's a contributing factor to our split - he is obsessed. I don't miss it AT ALL!

Get a box set of breaking bad. You can't go wrong with that. You should both enjoy it. I know what you mean though, sometimes I can't think of anything to say to my DP then we go through phases where we get on well and talk more (mainly in silly voices, mature we are not).
How about planning a holiday or big trip/ project together? Even if you can't do it right now it's nice to have a shared dream.

We do usually just watch DVDs (our tastes mostly overlap) but also play board games.