Thing is, I would feel like im depriving my dd of her grandparents, who treat her like gold!
Have a look at your DH, then ask yourself. Do you want to turn DD into him? Do you want to pass on the difficulties with them to her????
Because if you make sure she sees them often, they will continue to expect it and will guilt her terribly into doing it. By giving them a large part in her life, you will give them that ammunition.
This is spot on.
Op, being a nice person to your mad in laws actually gets trumped by being a responsible parent to your child.
Its quite weird to read your op because I could have written it almost word for word.
Right down to the disappointed he wasn't a banker comments, and the constant crying which mine uses to get the whole family on side.
I used to think like you - that my DC had to see their GP I also lost a parent...and felt sorry my DC had fewer GP than most.
I also tried to be nice...made effort with bdays,xmas for the whole family....
My DH also crumbles when when faced with them....a total people pleaser.....and every time he sees them he turns back into that meek little boy who had to fall in line....
You can do this the hard way or the easy way. Your DH has a longer road than you to travel down.
It will be much easier if you make the decision yourself to stop this behaviour, to stop these bullies and live life on your own terms.
Once you have that clear in your head....eventually everything else will fall into place.
Are really so afraid of upsetting them that you are willing to carry on living this strange half life..why are your own feelings and wants not as valid?
What is the worst that can happen? They dont talk to you, they cut you off?
Don't make any big declarations just promise yourself you will stand firm, and turn down, be busy, make up excuses, avoid phone calls and so on when they try and contact you.
when they interrogate you like employees as to why you didnt answer phone and so on, say busy, didnt see call....lefyt phone at home and so on.
when they say where are you at soft play, you say yes and its not appropriate for you to come...they ask why, jusT say ....because I SAID SO.
I WILL tell you the worst that can happen...that is your DD spends so much time with them she gets brain washed, they gets their hooks into her and expetc to see her lots more.
I have gone through this, its not fun, we have cut visits right down adn yet even after a 3 hours visit once in a while we still suffer with dc moods.
Good luck op, use your anger to initiate change. and move forward.
you are in the driving seat of your own life no one else.