I'm sorry to barge in, but I need to get it out and as this is a safe space, I'll do it here. I hope it's okay.
I don't know why I allow my mother in my life. Each and every time I allow her to get close enough, she turns around and poisons everything with her toxicity.
Over the weekend my 15 month old was ill. She had had a cold since the Thursday and she has a couple of teeth coming through so when she was dribbling, I put it down to that. She was still running around and playing wit her siblings, so seemed okay. But then her breath started to smell awful.
My mother was messaging me Sunday night (showing off with what she had bought that day from my fathers money of course) and I mentioned baby was poorly, and her breath smelled bad so I was going to take her to the doctors in the morning. Mother said I should call out of hours and get her seen that night, and that I did. My dad offered to take me as we didn't have a car over the weekend. And of course mother had to come.
And then it started. Sitting in the hospital she was talking loudly about how ill she felt. Which inwardly made me cringe. Then she came into the room with me to get DD2 checked out. Talked over me the entire time. DD's throat was swollen and the doctor had to get a second opinion to make sure it wasn't Quincy. It wasn't. DD had tonsillitis, and we were given antibiotics. And told to get her checked again at the gp's the next day to make sure it was working.
Once out of the room, mother insisted on giving DD the meds there and then despite my, and my dad telling her not to as she was 'allergic to penicillin' then of course she 'spilled' some on herself. Then started screaming that she was going to go into 'anaphylactic shock' and she had to wash it off straight away.
So she washes it off, and she's ranting all the way out of the hospital. Then we get in the car and she tells me the doctor thought I was a bad mother and she had put a 'triangle' on my DD's notes and that meant they were going to send social services out because I allowed her to get tonsillitis. She just kept on and on and I snapped and told her to shut up or I would get out the car with DD and get a taxi home.
Then once I was dropped off and she got home she rang my DP and started shouting abuse at him saying much the same thing. That we were bad parents and social services were going to take the kids away from us etc. Then she point blank lied, telling him she had trained for a nurse for three years (she had me at 17 and have never done a day's work/study in my lifetime and I'm almost thirty) I heard her say this. Took the phone from him and told her the conversation was over. She's got my brother to text me since to tell me 'to realise when someone is only saying things because they care' and other bullshit.
Dd has fully recovered and I rang out of hours again, to request if the above was true and they had absolutely no idea what she was on about. That a cold can very easily turn into tonsillitis and children can turn very quickly, this was verified by my gp as well. Once again she was just spilling forth her poison and just lying to make me feel like shit again and so she was centre of attention.
I get sucked in each and every bloody time, hoping she's changed and is acting like a decent human being, and she always does this. It's been about a year since the last instance. She's absolutely vile. I hate her with every ounce of my body.
I live for my daughters, I take care of them and love them so much. I've never called them names, or shouted at them aggressively, I've never told them they were useless and pathetic and unloveable, and that they were never wanted. I've never hit them, never used them as a punching bag all the things she did to me as child. Both my girls are well looked after and happy. I feel as if I have to justify myself. Why?
I hate her, I hate her. I wish she would just disappear.
I'm sorry this is so long. I don't really expect anyone to read it. But I had to gear it out. Thank you.