Agh, god. Sorry to crash this thread with a rant, but I have my narc father staying with me for two days and it's either talk about it or start throwing things at the wall.
Pretty sure this won't out me as MN is a site run mainly by women, for women, and as he is an appalling misogynist he wouldn't touch it with a bargepole 
He turned up half an hour early yesterday, despite being asked not to be early because I had a gym class and would only be home a little while before him to get the house ready etc. He does this every time. You come home an hour beforehand needing to get some shopping in or clean the house, and he's sitting outside in his car. Apparently he would have been EARLIER, except there was a crash on the motorway which slowed him down 
In the time it took me to finish in the bathroom and get to the door, he had let himself into our back garden (unannounced, didn't ring the doorbell) and started poking around, including pulling bits of weed out of the pond and telling me I should clean it.
He then proceeded to criticise our new house and contradict my plans for it. I'd like to leave the established garden and see what's in there, but he'd 'just rip it out'. I like the oak tree at the end of the garden; he says it's dying.
I had to tell him I was pregnant (very early days, first one after an MMC) because he knows we're trying and it would be obvious I wasn't drinking. He started smirking. I took this to be excitement, and said 'oh, don't get too excited, we're trying to keep it low-key after the last time.' His response: 'I wasn't excited. I was just thinking that you had a bit of a bulge.' Me: 'I'm six weeks, Dad. That's just my belly.' He didn't say anything else about the pregnancy, or ask me how I felt.
This morning he got up and made himself breakfast before we were up, and left the detritus of it all over the kitchen (bits of bread all over the surface and floor, butter smeared all over the counter, bread left out). My DH had to clean it all up before we had ours.
Took him into the centre of the city we've moved to; he points out the price of everything and announces that he preferred the place we lived before (which was a dump, and which he knows we hated) because the new city is full of 'posh pretentious people.'
I have deliberately booked us in a slightly grotty, cheap restaurant tonight because I know he'll be snotty and I can't bear to take him anywhere I actually like. My brother's here as well, and I haven't seen him in ages, would love to take him to some of my favourite places, but we can't because my bloody father will be there in the background, sneering and being resentful. I've been like this my entire life. Anything I really love or care for, I hide.
He has not said one positive, kind or polite thing the entire time he has been here. He spends all of his time passing judgement, contradicting me and sneering at the things I like. I know it doesn't sound like much - my mother is much, much more directly attacking - but it's worn me down so much that I just want him out of the house, right right RIGHT NOW. I can't even stand to look him in the eye.
Thanks for giving me the space to write this. I just needed to get it off my chest 