Sweetie. You are not the first person with a drunk, abusive husband and wanting desperately to make it all turn from a nightmare to a fairytale. For posters to say that you are making it sound worse than it is. That was me posting here a number of years ago, not wanting to hear what attila and others said. Nothing will change. You need to ignore his words and look at what he is actually doing. He is showing no remorse and no regret. I would recommend you read a book on codependency, to give you an idea:
Determining If You’re Codependent
If you’re wondering if you’re codependent, take a look at the following list of symptoms. You don’t have to have all of them to be codependent, and there are degrees of severity of codependence. If untreated, codependency gets worse over time, but with help you can recover and be much more effective in your work and relationships. Here are some common traits:
Low self-esteem
Not liking or accepting yourself
Feeling you're inadequate in some way
Thinking you’re not quite enough
Worrying you are or could be a failure
Concerned with what other people think about you
Perfectionism
Pleasing others and giving up yourself
Poor boundaries
Boundaries that are too weak and there’s not enough separateness between you and your partner
Boundaries that are too rigid and keep you from being close
Boundaries that flip back and forth between too close and too rigid
Reactivity
Dysfunctional Communication
Difficulty expressing thoughts and feelings
Difficulty setting boundaries — saying “No” or stopping abuse
Abusive language
Lack of assertiveness about your needs
Dependency
Afraid of being alone or out of a relationship
Feeling trapped in a bad relationship and unable to leave
Relying too much on others opinions
Intimacy problems
Avoidance of closeness
Losing yourself
Trying to control or manipulate others
Feeling trapped in a dysfunctional relationship
Denial
Denial of codependency
Denial about a painful reality in your relationship
Denial of your feelings
Denial of your needs
Caretaking
Control
Controlling your own feelings
Managing and controlling people in your life; telling them what to do
Manipulating others to feel or behave like you want (people pleasing is a manipulation)
Obsessions
Addiction to a substance or process
Painful emotions
Shame
Anxiety
Fear
Guilt
Hopelessness
Despair
Depression
I can tell you you obsessing about his whereabouts through find a friend. That is insanity. It will not get better. Those feelings will drive you nuts. This man has so little respect and love for you that you have absolutely no idea where is all night, frequently. He may well be cheating on you, he has no boundaries to his behaviour. And no reason to stop. The fairytale you want is not real.