The Dating Thread 69

[FolkGirl]

Just because I wanted to be the person to start it really

Welcome one and all.

He has messaged me again. 'Sorry to bother you, but just one final thing. The reason I stopped driving to yours when I stayed over is because someone keyed my car when it was outside overnight, coincidentally around the same time yours was done, which was after your ex told us to get out of his pub. I suspected it was him.'

Don't reply.

Again, it wasn't necessary to tell you that. He's just finding ways of making contact.

or rather, reasons to contact you.

dont ignore that last text. It is designed to make angry with your ex and to rearrange your childcare without him.

I like that he needs to make contact though. I think if I don't contact him for a while he'd be back.

Ignore him. He's trying to a/ keep contacting you b/ get a response from you and open up a line of communication c/ make you annoyed at your ex. His text is pathetic, irrelevant and manipulative.

NOW SWITCH YOUR PHONE OFF!

But I love him :-(

Why do you like it Dont? Of course he'll come crawling back if you don't make contact because that's the MO of men like this.

I think that the contact is designed to manipulate you though. It's not because he can't keep away (and it if is, well then he shouldn't have ended it!) it's about you not having peace of mind. It's about you being kept on your toes. It's about you not being able to forget about him whilst watching a crap film or something because when you do...

If you don't contact him for a while, he will be back and he'll be full of apologies for what he did, but now you can see how strongly he feels about it, but how you can't live with each other, can't you see how important it is for you to not do any of the things that upset him...

Sorry Dont. I think he is being controlling. It's making me feel quite cross actually.

I want him back. I know it's wrong, but I still want him. I will get him back too.

Dont he is trying to manipulate you because he knows that you love him. He's trying to wear you down and make you think you are being unreasonable. If he thinks you aren't available for a relationship he should leave you alone.
Try not to text him.

Dont Can you switch your phone off and just ignore it/him for a day or so?

You've asked him to leave you alone. He texted you to tell you that he loved you and missed you (well why the fuck did he end it then?) and that he would leave you alone.

And then he texted you again. That's not leaving you alone.

Only you can decide what to do. .. by laying all the blame at your ex , he is trying to turn you completely against your ex! Totally manipulative .. reality was not what he wanted.. life was great just you and him , but add kids and ex too hard to deal with . Keep strong , you will get over it.

If he really wanted to end it, he wouldn't have kept texting. He honestly kept texting back, that's why I texted 'leave it' and then he said 'I love you' and then this last text. It's leaving me confused and hurting me afresh each time.

Dont you need to value yourself more. If he wants you back he needs to work for it. It is him that needs to fit into your and your kids lives *not the other way

yes, I will switch phone off. He had sex with me last night after knowing this situation with my ex

You might feel that you love him but you need to love yourself more.

He doesn't love you, otherwise he wouldn't be treating you this way. You've only known him for three months, I think it is. If it's like this now what's it going to be like in six months, 2 years, 5 years? I'll tell you now - you'll start thread after thread in Relationships about your manipulative, abusive partner but will always end it 'but I love him'.

Cut your losses and get out now. He's showing you who he is. This is your warning. Take heed of it.

It's leaving me confused and hurting me afresh each time.

Oh Dont. I wish you could see this from where we are all sitting.

He knew I would have been working too, when he ended it. I had to cancel my last client as I was too distraught.

I will get him back too.

Sorry but why the fuck would you want him back? He's treating you like shit! He's harassing you after you told him to leave you alone. He's manipulating you, controlling you. Many voices on here have said the same - we can't all be wrong. In fact, we're not.

If it was another poster going through this, I'd probably agree with you all. BUT - I miss him, that's all. I've turned the phone off and I will turn it on again on Friday morning. That way I get some space from wondering 'has he texted/hasn't he'

I know you miss him. But that will pass.

And it will be really hard to ignore any contact he makes... just in case...

but you need to go back and read all of your posts since the night he stopped over and your daughter got into bed with you. The red flags started flying that weekend (?)

Paris was wonderful, but it wasn't reality. This, your life, your children, your ex, your job, your home, that's reality. If he can't cope with that, then more fool him. If he just doesn't like it and thinks you should do it differently, then he should fuck off.

You'll switch the phone on way before Friday. Guaranteed.

You deserve better than this. You really do.