We've been together for three years, married for almost two and since almost the beginning, sex has been a bit of an issue.
I have always had quite a high sex drive and when we first got together we'd have sex quite often.
A few months in, however, it started to tail off, which left me feeling a little hurt. Things came to a head when we moved in together, we had sex regularly for the first couple of weeks, I didn't think anything of it, but one night, dh thew an almighty strop, got angry at me, said couldn't he go to bed just to sleep without being pressured into sex. I didn't realise I was pressuring him. So I backed off.
Sex has always been very one sided. I am not allowed to initiate anything, as he told me it puts him under pressure, so I wait for him. Usually, it's once a week/every ten days when he's in the mood. He never engages in any foreplay, the most he will do is jab his fingers in me for a few minuets (TMI, sorry) until it hurts me so much I just get on with it and have sex to get it over with. He also looks so bored when he's touching me, most of the time he is staring at the telly, so I stop him to stop myself getting upset. Most of the time, I will give him a bj, touch him, kiss him - in part to try and turn myself on so that sex isn't painful, but mainly because if I didn't, sex would just be me on top until he comes.
I have never had an orgasm (not just with him, but with anyone) but I am ashamed to say that I learned many years ago just to fake it so as not to dent a mans delicate little ego.
He never undresses me, I think he's only ever seen me naked a handful of times, which makes me feel like crap.
I have tried everything, dressing up, sex toys (which he laughed at me while using, said I looked ridiculous), not asking for sex, asking for sex (If I ask can we have sex tonight/tomorrow I either get 'oh yeah, of course" and then it doesn't happen, or I get told "if you behave" which makes me feel terrible).
I have tried talking to him so many times. But he either tells me to stop slagging him off (I don't I approach it in a nice way) or he's nasty and tells me that he just doesn't want sex a lot, he'd rather go on his computer.
Oral sex is another big issue. It's the only thing that feels nice to me. When we first got together, he said he liked doing it. Then after a couple of months he stopped, so I left it. A few months later, I asked why he didn't do that to me anymore and he got angry saying he hated it, hated the taste and smell. Again, I felt like shit. He does it sometimes, but again, the other day, same thing. Had him shouting at me saying he hates it, what man could ever like doing that to a woman etc. I've posted about that on here before, and I got told by many 'stop giving him oral sex then'. But if I don't, like I said, sex is just him literally putting his penis in me.
I think he has a really unrealistic view of sex due to the amount of porn he used to watch. He hasn't watched it since we were together, but he openly admitted it ruined his sex life with previous girlfriends, which is why he stopped. His views on sex are very much pornified, all to do with the mans gratification.
I really love him, and I am desperate for some sort of connection and closeness. I don't know what to do. If I try and talk to him, he gets angry and there is a huge argument.
This is my second marriage. I was married to someone else for 9 years and that was totally sexless. For different issues, but I basically didn't have sex for the entirety of my 20's and all I want is a normal sex life.
He thinks we have a wonderful sex life - well, he does. He only gets sex when he wants and when he does I am so pathetically grateful that it's all about him.
I thought he might be gay at one point (I asked him outright, he said he wasn't). He seems to hate my genital area. Hates pubic hair, I have to shave everything off, to the point where I get huge, painful cysts where I get ingrown hairs. It's horrible and painful. He seems to hate my body and I hate my body too now. I've lost all my confidence and I have become so embarrassed about sex. It's now got even more painful as I just tense up and because I have tried so hard to kill my sex drive over the past year so that I don't get frustrated, I find it hard to get turned on. So now it's mostly horrible.
Sorry this is so long, I just don't know what to do anymore. I've tried talking, but how do you talk to someone who just gets angry and defensive?